It's been less than three hours since my last post. Nevertheless, I feel called to reach out once again. It was as if writing about The Beloved immediately penetrated my heart... blasting me apart with Its force.

I felt grounded and composed after I wrote. Yet only minutes later, while in the shower, I was suddenly bombarded by a surge of energy in my body. My mind was having its way with me, taking me on many unhealthy journeys of the imagination. Suddenly, I was emotionally charged... not feeling too good, mind you. I got out of the shower, only to realize that I was quite late for an appointment with my herbalist and healer.

I rushed out of the house... wet-headed and anxious... to meet him. When I arrived, I was in an overwhelming state of suffering. The Beloved had indeed entered my heart... and in doing so it pushed emotional buffers to the surface. It was forced surrender... I was miserable in my vulnerability... raw and humble with an open wound visible for all to see. And this kind and compassionate man... Kyle Cline, who is a healer in every sense of the word... took my pulse, noted the tension, then held space for my release. His primary prescription... a hug.

I cried. I sobbed. And I choked on my own breath. I purged the emotion that strangled me... and tore down a stoic facade. I felt healing happen. He kept telling me how great I was doing... and reminding me of who I am.

He didn't allow me to stuff it. When I thought I was done, he would look into my eyes... and invite the truth. It still hurt, and I needed to cry through to the other side of the pain.

And only ten minutes later, Kyle checked my pulses... and my heartbeat had found its peaceful flow once more. ALL of this... the bounty of release... I am grateful for. The dams that burst forth inside my heart were there to hold in the pain. The Beloved had entered and blew them down as though they were just a measureless piece of the wind itself. (And it was my willingness to let the breezes whip through without the need to personalize or understand that enabled true release to happen. For how can we release something that we are holding onto via a story within?)

I share all of this as a reminder to us all. When The Beloved is invited, It enters. It will do what is needed to liberate the heart that longs for Its undivided attention.

And so at times, illumination can feel like a light so piercing that it brings us to our knees, wincing in pain. Nevertheless, when our eyes do eventually re-adjust to the light, we look around to find ourself resting in the center - just as the little "i" relates to unleashing SHiNE - and the pain is remembered as a flood of grace that left the landscapes of our heart ever-changed.

Through releasing my pain, I am washed clean.

Tags: the beloved, healing, heartbreak

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation."
Kahlil Gibran

As a facilitator of brilliance in others, I have found that sharing my path is always relevant. For a time I thought that I must keep my reality under lock and key... not revealing my personal journey publicly. To do so would mean certain vulnerability. Through my work unleashing my own SHiNE, I have realized that hiding is a narcissistic pursuit, and a presumption that I must be kept safe from potential humiliation.

Humiliation... perhaps it's really nothing to fear at all.

Humility is among the most powerful allies on my journey. And my process of self-discovery IS the medicine that I am meant to dispense. (I believe the same is true for you.) So to bare my soul's deepest yearnings and vulnerabilities is to walk the path of brilliance for me.

The image above so perfectly reflects the space of my heart right now. A tearing open to reveal new light... and the insights born of death. The most intimate relationship in my life to-date is ending. My lover/companion and I shared a short-lived but deeply-felt love for one another. And as I write, we currently share a home, a bed, and a life together. Nevertheless, we have been initiated by circumstance to let one another go...

It has been a tremendous blessing to love... and to lose. I welcome the pain, for beneath it lies the potential for more joy. Perhaps it is not that the heart breaks when love is threatened, but instead that it breaks open... revealing blessings and truths that can be used to transform the ways in which we love ourselves and one another.

If indeed our partnerships in life act as Divine Mirrors so that we might see ourselves better, may we be willing to stare the truth in the face with fearless curiosity. May we see how we are reflected in the choices of those whom reside in and around our heart. And may we seize the power to love under any circumstance.

What brought an end to my relationship was painful to be sure; yet, I know better than to cast myself a victim in a drama that I helped to create. And I am learning to let go of self-righteous towards what I perceive to be the mistakes of others. I receive the love that I am ready for in each moment... and anything less, well, I must look within to find the strength to reflect love where it is lacking.

For the past ten days, I have felt the pain of a broken heart. Ironically, the Love that I now offer - ever since pain tore into me - is an enlightened evolution of the love that I thought was sufficient up until now. I am cracked wider than ever before, and I am filled with gratitude for the pain that burrowed into the core of my potential. I now have the opportunity to love in a manner that transcends personal gain, self-gratification, and attachment to outcome... or even hope of reciprocity.

This recent journey is teaching me what it is to bask in the brilliance of the Feminine. In moments of weakness I discover the Strength and Power of what it is to be a woman. I take my heart that has been broken... blasted wide open... and I treat it as an altar. Each day, my practice is to embrace humiliation (the brilliant gift of forced humility) and prostrate repeatedly before my tender, open heart. And it speaks back to me in a message of grace, like a whisper within...

She says to me...

"Neither hunger for love nor withhold your own.
My sweet, dare to be love itself!"

Thanks for bearing my heart witness.

Yours Bursting Open,
Candice

Tags: love, heartbreak, humility, cheating on me, open heart, life coaching