June 2008

It's choice...
that determines your destiny.
Jean Nidetch

As a coach, I come across people everyday who are in a season of transition. Often I sit with a client as she weighs her options in regards to the various aspects of life. Be it venturing out on a new career path, taking a relationship to the next level, or rising from a season of depression, people come looking for a container of grace in which all facets of a situation can be seen more clearly.

Through experience, I have learned the power of language as a tool for transformation. The simple act of attending to our inner dialogue has the power to change the course of our thinking...and of our lives. When teaching exercises in conscious communication (stay tuned, workbook coming soon!), I suggest we flag certain words in order to shift the flow of energy in our minds and hearts. This creates a reset function in regards to our thinking and can be the key ingredient to shift a mental construct for good.

Make Choices vs. Decisions

When I hear a client say..."I need to decide, and I'm just not sure what to do." It is then I know that choice is the medicine of the moment. To decide in a moment of ambivalence forces a false sense of finality to the present moment. I invite us to honor the now of our reality, rather than focusing on the how (which is a function of the future, taking us out of the moment). Sometimes when we feel pressure to make decisions (knowing how), rather than choices (knowing now), we inadvertantly disempower ourselves. We make assumptions about the future and add unnecessary weight to our choices - assuming we know where each will lead us over time. We bind ourselves to a way of being that may serve us in the moment, yet not necessarily long-term. And, most of all, we rob ourselves of the freedom to experience the miracle that is a change of heart.

Choices are authentic, in-the-moment, and ever-changing - as are we! To choose is to evoke the essence of self acceptance and allows room for growth. Choice is a priviledge meant to evolve us towards more responsible expressions of who we are in the world. The highest choices are those that create more peace, love, and harmony in the world around us. We can decide to change the world, but can only happen one choice at a time.

So this month, practice presence. And if and when you feel the weight of decision upon you, choose what feels right in the moment instead. Respond to the now and release the how.

Thanks to inspirational singer and songwriter, India Arie, we have the perfect anthem for this month's focus:

I Choose, by India Arie
listen to it now

May those who love us, love us;
and those who don't love us,
may God turn their hearts;
and if He doesn't turn their hearts,
may he turn their ankles
so we'll know them by their limping.
- Irish Blessing

I must admit that I have spent considerable life force - as so many of us have - reaching eagerly for the love of those around me. Nevertheless, I can't say that I relate to this blessing as it applies to others. I find that the love that matters most is not that which we receive. It is the love that we give that later comes back to us. And that love we give is what is reflected in the number of hearts that turn our way.

And, paradoxically, many times it is the love and tenderness we give unto ourselves that is most medicinal over time.

Only a few days ago I stumbled upon a strange turn of events (puns intended). The week began with a trip on the stairs and turned left ankle that left me with a small limp. Luckily, I yielded to the fall; thus, the injury was minor and discomfort passed rather quickly. Oddly, it was less than 16 hours later that I fell again - this time not so gracefully. My right ankle was rocked to the core - a severe sprain that left my skin purple and swollen. For three days I have been resting, icing, compressing, and elevating. Only yesterday was I able to put pressure on my right foot...today a limp is the evidence that lingers.

When I read the Irish Blessing above, I couldn't help but smile. The blessing has been in turning my attention to my own heart... and the limp is helping me to see better how often I turn away from that which nurtures me and the direction I wish to move in.

In my life experience - and in my professional life - I have seen again and again how the body acts as a metaphor. After discovering this through my own personal experience, I stumbled upon teachers such as Louise Hay (and her epic book Heal Your Body, Heal Your Life). The joints of the body are all about mobility... and the ability to move forward. They are about flow and right direction, if you will. And so this week I take stock of my choices and how they align with the direction of my dreams. And I am grateful for the message my body sends me.

BTW, here is my edited version of the old Irish Blessing

May I be at one with the Flow of Divine Love
and when I am not,
may the Beloved turn my heart towards It once again;
and if It doesn't succeed in turning my heart,
may It sweep my feet in Its direction
and I'll remember Love by my limping.

- Irish Blessing [edited]