This coaching forum focused specifically on a teaching that has gotten a lot of mainstream attention in the past couple of years – the Law of Attraction. It is my hope that you will leave here tonight with a greater understanding – not only of the Law of Attraction – but of HOW it relates to a deeper aspect of who you really are. We will explore the LoA from a soulular perspective in order to make it a meaningful and practical part of your spiritual practice. This gathering is about self-directing your energy. It is about consciously aligning with who you really are in each and every moment.

I was first exposed to LoA in 2000, through a daily martial arts (qigong) discipline. It was then that I was first introduced to the idea that my thoughts were powerful causal factors in my everyday life. I was hooked on learning more! Since then, I have been an avid student of metaphysics. In 2003, I was exposed to new thought ministries, and I studied how modern pioneers like Ernest Holmes created an philosophy and spiritual way of life that put this awareness to work through affirmative prayer. On my metaphysical journey, I have cycled through seasons of passionate inquiry, as well as times of intense skepticism and uncertainty. My recent studies – namely of the leading edge work of Esther and Jerry Hicks – have led me to understand LoA in a larger sense. Much of what I will be sharing with you is inspired directly by their work – along with my own experience and the clients that I see applying these principles.

It is important to remember that the recent buzz around the Law of Attraction in mainstream circles is only hinting at a deeper pulse. We live in a marketplace. As a result, media created to appeal to the mainstream is often a watered-down version of the truth. I am interested in expanding your definition of these unseen forces, placing them into a spiritual framework that can lead to a joyful and uplifting existence. Remember to smile often and have fun!

What is the Law of Attraction?

The Law of Attraction is based on a number of progressing premises:
(inspired by the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, among others)

1. Everything is Made Up of Energy
The universe is made up of energy – both visible and not visible. Everything seen and unseen is energy. By definition, energy is in a constant state of perpetual motion - thus, it is also known as vibration. The slower the energy is moving the more dense it is. The more dense, the slower it is to change. For example: thought is a faster moving energy than matter. From this perspective, materialization is the slowing of a continual vibration into form. Therefore, it is said that there is a vibrational reality that exists, proceeding all that we see in physical form. The vibrational reality is real – it is just unseen until a continuous holding of that resonance results in matter (or evidence in physical form).

2. Energy is Life & Life is Perpetual and Expansive
Everything in the universe is in a perpetual state of expansion and growth. All living things move towards greater thriving, and change form in order to do so. This expansion is constant and all living things are an aspect of this expansion. Since everything is energy, it can be said that everything is one energy - one pulsing, expansive force of life. Put in a spiritual framework, it is Source expressing and evolving itself through all form that it takes. It is all a part of the overall expansion of life - even you. There is no escaping expansion, it is an inevitable aspect of life itself.

3. Expansion Happens Through Polarity & Contrast
Expansion happens through the law of polarity. The physical realm is driven by contrast. And through contrast, all desire is born. In other words, in order to become more, all living things experience contrast – it is in the not-wanting of things that a new experience is born – when we have an experience of “no not that” we co-create a vibrational version that is better – it happens immediately, as the way of the universe it one of expansion and continual creation.

The Law of Attraction (mainstream, material perspective):
We have been taught, plain and simply: like attracts like. The Law of Attraction says what you put your attention on will continue to evidence itself in your life. Whatever you focus on will expand. Therefore, the more that you focus on “what-is”, the more of the same you will get. So we are taught, focus your attention on what you want instead.

The Law of Attraction (soulular perspective):
Put in a larger context, we can take the Law of Attraction much further. (Or rather, it takes US further). The Law of Attraction is working continually. We cannot apply it any more than we can apply the law of gravity. However, we can certainly understand it better! From a greater context, the soulalar perspective says this: Your desires are born of the polarity of life. When you desire something (as a result of contrast), you become a vibrational match to something greater. And regardless of the form that it might seem to take, EACH and EVERY desire that is birthed in you is a desire for soul connection. No matter what desires that contrast has birthed in you, there is only ever one desire at the root of it all – to become more of who you really are. Thus, when you experience contrast, you create a new version of YOU that simply must be experienced as a part of the greater expansion of life itself. As soon as it has been conjured, your soul begins to stir. Suddenly that potential is ripe and ready in you, and nothing less will do.

How can I “use” the Law of Attraction?

It is a bit of a misnomer, for the Law of Attraction is always at work in your life. In fact, IT is using YOU in the greater expansiveness of life. What you can do, however, is understand how it is working. You have all the guidance you need, built right in!

YOUR EMOTIONS – YOUR ENERGETIC GPS SYSTEM
You are hard-wired for expansion. You can very easily learn how to use the feedback of your emotions to understand where your vibration is at any given moment. If we use our earlier definition of energy, we are reminded that as an energy is contemplated over time, it becomes more and more dense. Until eventually, it will evidence itself in our physical reality.

Thought >>>> E M O T I O N >>>> Form

Therefore, emotion is the intermediary between thought and form. It gives us immediate and undiluted feedback about how we are vibrating.

The soulular LoA invites us to take this even further. Remember, upon desiring something it has become a vibrational reality for you. Not only that, YOU have become a match for that (on a soulular level) and nothing less will do. Thus, how you feel becomes an absolute indicator of how close or how far away you are from that NEW YOU that has become. When you feel “good” you are right on track, in vibrational alignment. When you feel “bad” you are holding yourself apart from your potential in some way.

In summary, the LoA (material perspective) says... think/feel/act in accordance with what you want. There is wisdom there. Sure. Yet people get what they want all the time, and then later wonder why it didn’t yield happiness.

I invite you to evolve in your understanding of this force of life. The LoA (soulular perspective) says... think/feel/act your way into vibrational alignment with who you have BECOME. Allow the perpetual expansion of self to guide you towards true happiness. You can still enjoy the ever-changing means through which ultimate happiness comes. Yet, you experience the joy of authenticity and soul alignment when you understand that the physical pleasures of life - enjoy them! - are wonderful containers through which expansion can occur.

Key Understandings in order to work WITH the LoA:

You Attract – The Universe Creates
It’s called the Law of Attraction for good reason. Let yourself off the hook when in comes to “creation.” You attract a possibility through your desire and subsequent ability to align yourself with it. Reality is subjective, and you experience what you are available for. Many different possibilities already exist. It is really up to YOU which of these realities you align with.

You Live In An Interdependent Universe
You are not the only show in town. Your thoughts are not the only ones out there, and your energy effects more than just you. The possibility of something is sometimes collectively determined... the probability (in your reality) is personally determined by your match to it. Likewise, trust in the unfolding. Your good is a part of the greater good. The perfect outcome is determined by a vantage point that far exceeds your own, benefiting all involved in the perfect way and timing.

Feeling Matters More Than Thought
You can affirm until you are blue in the face, but feeling is seeing. Therefore, it is MUCH more efficient to monitor your emotions over thoughts. Use how you feel to determine your vibrational alignment to your desires... then use thought to re-direct towards better feeling sensations (alignment). Here is a great tool for changing your primary vibration on any given topic. Click Here to learn about the Focus Wheel Process.

Energy Matters More Than Content
The energy of alignment is the only thing that matters, It matters far more than the content of your desire. Because the world is a marketplace, we are fed story after story of people manifesting exactly what they wanted. And you may just do that! However, the only manifestation that is ever occurring is alignment with true power (the soul) and how it can be best expressed in any given moment. When you get too caught up in the content, you MISS the point (and the power is lost). You distract yourself from obvious goodness.

Action is Essential on the Big Stuff
Action can help to shift a vibrational pattern. We have learned that action without alignment can be futile. Yet on the big stuff, alignment without action is a tall order! Action can be the missing ingredient to truly place you in vibrational proximity to your desires. Thus, action is not creating the perfect outcome... it is placing you within the vibrational vicinity of it. Likewise, if you don’t tend to your vibration, action can be the one thing that is making you a mismatch to the vibration that is at the root of your desire. Therefore, action when in alignment is the most powerful combination there is!

There are No Absolutes in an Expansive Perspective
What you don’t know can’t hurt you unless you pretend to know it all. This perspective is not meant to be all-encompassing. We are continually growing in our understanding of this force in our lives. Be willing to test it out and be willing to expand and grow in your perspective. Take what works for you, and leave the rest behind.

At the core of this message is this: follow your soulular compass to the life that expresses the continual you that is unfolding!

Do you want the nutshell version?
Your dreams are drawn to you, if you allow them to flow you in their direction. Embrace the moments of discomfort for the clarity they bring, and then release them by focusing on what they are birthing in you. Feel good, relax, accept, and enjoy the expansion of life. We all benefit from your willingness to smile.
:-)

Desire. Friend or Foe?
Let's face it:  desire has gotten a bad rap for centuries. With roots in both eastern and western religious traditions, renunciation of desire has penetrated the collective psyche as a noble aim in an ever-expanding material world. We are taught - through an onslaught of psychological, sociological, and spiritual influences - that desire is selfish and fleeting...and that the ego (desire's vehicle) must be defeated in order to experience true happiness. Yet despite our best intentions, desire remains a human epidemic we have yet to overcome as a species. Some might wonder, if we are truly evolving, why are we still yearning?
 
Humans are a species mesmerized by dichotomies. We continually do the dance of extremes in order to propel ourselves forth. Desire is a force hard to deny; thus, when renunciation of the material world wages a war within, we turn to consumption. After feeding impulse after impulse, we find we are still left empty. We pretend our hunger means nothing...we pretend it means everything...and now we are ready to stop pretending.
 
Every human longing points to a potential within. Our minds are magicians, continually whipping up potions that we think promise us the end we are seeking. We spend time and resources casting spell after spell in hopes to manifest the IT that will deliver us the sensation we so long for. Time and time again, the end-result is short-lived. Thus, we blame desire itself for leading us astray.
 
Yet, what if we are simply missing the point? What if desire is not the problem. Perhaps it is our approach to it that needs to be re-evaluated. I have come to understand that each and every desire (without exception) point us in the direction of a universally-desired sensation. Thus, at the heart of our desire is alignment with a potential that is seeking to be born through our life experience.
 
What You Really Want is YOU
The object of your desire is not the problem; the fact that you want IT is not the source of your mood swings. It is in the misunderstanding of these impulses that you find cause to suffer. Put simply, desire is an indicator that something more is calling to you. Life's struggles aren't a result of the cycle of incessant wanting. Suffering may be due to attachments to the many forms that your physical creation has taken, or may take in the future. Or, perhaps more commonly in our western culture, suffering is ignoring oneself and never fulfilling the potential buried beneath surface longing.
 
What you really want is to E X P A N D - to express more of your evolving essence. The objects of your desire are simply things that you believe will deliver the goods - the goodness that it your birthright. Desire is the eager whimper of a more expansive YOU that is currently hidden from view. To deny it is to deny your innate tendency for growth and expansion.
 
Paradoxically, it is the denial of our deepest desires that causes the ego run amok. Anyone who has ever stayed the course of a circumstance (or way of being) long-outgrown knows the blessed tantrums of the ego. Interestingly, when we finally let go and yield to what would feel better - in thought, word, or action - the tempest fades. Alas, could the ego be an ally on this journey?! Oh yes, indeed!! An ego-soul alliance is pulsing at the core of this message.

Metaphorically speaking, your soul is in a state of perpetual rebirth. (I mean, in this life, you are meant to evolve continually). Your ego and the world of form offer vessels of gestation through which you are meant to grow in and out of. And, it is the contractions of desire that deliver you forth. They ensure your expansion by pushing you towards greater degrees of love, joy, freedom, and well-being.

Expansion through Form
Some spiritual teachers have told us to seek the medicine from within. They say that if we sit still long enough...if we dive deep enough...and if we resist the dream of the physical world around us, we will be rewarded with limitless joy. Yet, is the point of this physical dimension simply to deny it? Or, can we have both? - the boundless joy of expansion and the pleasures of human existence? Rather than enlightenment in spite of the physical world, could this planet of ours become the container through which we express our collective enlightenment?
 
Every aspect of the living world is in a state of perpetual expansion. Growth and evolution of form is the way of the physical domain. At the root of this propulsion forth is - you guessed it - desire. The longing for something better. Desire is the catalyst for change. Change is a means for personal expansion. And personal expansion is the key ingredient in collective evolution. Accept and embrace your desires as reflections of latent potential within all of us.

Join the Dialogue
Those of you in the Portland area, join me this Thursday, August 13th at New Renaissance Bookshop. I am honored to be leading a coaching forum that will shed a new light on desire, the ego, and the metaphysics of creation. We will explore and evolve the Law of Attraction through the lens of the soul. Questions, comments, and contributions are welcome. Hope to see you there! Click here to sign up.

Note: CLICK HERE for a follow-up post on the Soul Vibes event.

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What should I do?
It's a common question. I come face-to-face with it often - in sessions with clients, and in my own personal life.
 
At the heart of the question is disempowerment. It begs for a prescribed to-do list that will help to sooth the feeling of disconnection. However, acting from such a desperate space rarely feels good. Rather than approaching the situation with immediate action, I find it to be far more efficient to focus on clarifying desires. When we do this, we address the feeling space directly, and then let the to-do list emerge from the space of inspiration. Inspiration is alignment with the best of you.
 
For the most part, I tend to follow my bliss where it takes me - which means shedding old skin (ie. labels and livelihoods) often. I have been told I am being 'impulsive' and 'unreasonable' more than once. If following my impulsive whims makes me appear flighty and without rational direction. So be it! The compass that I follow is Happiness Itself...and it always points toward my greater good. I can honestly say that I get happier and happier as the years pass. There is nothing more fulfilling to me that riding the waves of inspiration. I do what I love; I love what I do. When that statement no longer applies - and I have learned this the hard way - it is time to make a change. And when I do, I feel a surge of inspiration and opportunity that defies description. In short, letting go of what no longer serves me makes me available to what does. Thus, in response to what should I do?, the primary and immediate action that is required is to stop doing that which I feel I am no longer a match with.
      
Having said that, living an inspired existence is not a lazy affair! On the contrary. It takes dynamism, energy, and stamina to ride the waves of inspiration as they come. Taking inspired action lends itself to a life of courageous self-discovery. And while it may mean taking a scary leap or two (or twenty-two!), the payoff is bigger than any other. When you are feeding life with what sends your heart soaring, it rewards you with life force energy and opportunity beyond measure!
 
How does it feel?
How do you know what constitutes an inspired action?  Use the compass within to direct your sails.
  
You see, at its best, action is fueled by inspiration and passionate self-discovery. At its worst, action holds us in stagnant defiance of who we are longing to become. When you are reaching for something in your life, action is futile without right alignment. Actions that disallow your continual expansion create dis-ease in your world. Simply put, they are inefficient, energetic leaks that need addressing. You recognize them for the strain and discomfort they bring about. On the contrary, ease can be found through inspiration. Sometimes it is found in pushing edges that propel you forward. The sensation is one of freedom and exhilaration (sometimes confused with fear). Yet, the cliff-diving leaps of creation become easier over time as you learn that what moves you to jump has the power to send you soaring.
    
Look at your to-do list for the week. What do you see? Responsibilities? Inspired Ideas? For most people, responsibility takes the cake. Indeed, our daily comings and goings are important. Many of your daily tasks make you available to the peace of mind that invites inspiration. Yet responsibilities become liabilities when they keep us apart from ourselves. Action is inefficient when it holds in fearful stagnancy. The way of humanity (and all of life) is one of continual expansion and transformation. Inspired action means taking a risk...and moving towards what moves you in the moment.

Therefore, consider taking less action...and allow inspired actions to take you (further).

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It Starts with Me:
I ask that you talk through me, here and now.
I feel like shit. I am too tired to fight the fight to feel good. Today is a down day, and I am allowing it to be.

Good.

So that’s it? That’s your divine wisdom?

You have to allow me in order to hear me. Are you open to guidance? Truly? Or are you so adamant about feeling as you feel that you will block my wisdom as it pours in?

I am willing, yes. There is space for light here.

Okay, then. Let’s talk. Forget the medium of the medium... get your hands dirty with me.

Okay.
Where do I start?

With the truth. There is no greater light than the truth. Especially when you are poking around in the dark, as you are now.

Alright. Well, the truth is, I feel like crying. I feel a familiar frustration and powerlessness that comes and goes. It’s been a long time since I have felt it, but it is here now.

What does it say?

It says, that I am so blessed and yet I...

Stop making it pretty. What does it say?

It says that I am afraid. It says that I am lost again. What if all the spiritual mumbo-jumbo is bullshit? How is it that I could be flying so high for months, and then fall with such force?

Ah, well... the impact of a fall is always relative to the height from which you came. You felt higher than ever, so that much more painful is the fall.

Okay. Well that sucks.

Perhaps. Or perhaps the pain is there to paradoxically remind you how far you have ascended in your journey. And let me remind you that you never fall as far as you think. Remember the Spiral Model? {more on this soon}

I guess. But I am angry that I am still working on this piece around my livelihood. I have invited everything I have ever wanted into being. I have so much of what I want. And today, I am angry. What the hell does life want from me?

There is only one way to find out... What do you want from life?

I just want to be me. Isn’t that enough?

If it were, then wouldn’t you just do that?

It’s harder than it sounds. I suppose I really just want to feel good, to be happy.

Okay, that feels closer to the truth. And what feels good to you?

Being creative, being real to the moment, uninhibited self-expression, loving and being loved, laughing, play, adding value, smiling and dancing. So much feels good to me!

Yes, there you go. Shift your focus there.
These are the actions that you must take. Anything that aligns you with these. Let go of worry, doubt, and frustration. Become obsessed instead with joy, possibility, and fascination. You are good at this. You were born knowing how to do this. Reignite the soul through choices that align you with the sensation listed above.

But isn’t it naive to behave in such a way... when there are clearly things that aren’t working.

And so what are you proposing? That somehow focusing your attention on what is not working will help somehow? Do tell... how will worry help to mend what is tattered in your thinking, and thus in your experience?

It won’t.

Right. The only thing that will free you from the hamster wheel of self-defeating thoughts is shifting your attention in another direction. One that feels good.

So...?

So it’s just like they taught you in grade school. Should you catch fire... stop, drop, and roll. In this case... STOP by pausing and witnessing yourself, DROP the story that feels defeating (just let it go!), and ROLL into alignment with what brings you joy by no longer resisting it.

It’s that easy, huh?

Indeed. It can be. If you are willing to let go to the joy that is flowing all around you.

Thanks for the chat. I feel very loved.

Oh, and you are!!
:-)

As a coach, I am privy to the themes of human experience. While the stories of our lives take on different shapes and characters, certain sensations are common. Feeling stuck - either energetically or circumstantially - is a common sensation that we all face at one time or another.
 
Upon closer examination, "I feel stuck" is describing a sensation of powerlessness. To feel powerless is to lose connection to the voice of your soul and the more of you that is longing to become. As a life coach with a soulular approach, my job is to poke around in the dark to help realign you with the light source beckoning to you from within - reflecting itself through your life experience.
 
Neale Donald Walsch cleverly describes the SOUL as a Singular Output of Universal Life. So let's imagine your soul is a light source through which a larger intelligence speaks to you. Your soul light shines on the fluid landscape of your life in order to guide your way. Like a compass, it directs you to move this way and that in order to connect you with the larger Light of Source. When you yield to the trajectory of your soul, you feel the bliss of Source shining upon you. You feel powerful as you move towards more of you as an outpicturing of this Larger Light. Your soul is unfolding you through your experiences, and its job is to take you in the direction of more of you becoming. Yet, when you turn from your loving soul light - often towards the directional light of what you think others might want of you - you feel lost and disconnected from joy. The light seems to elude you. Why? Your soul has shifted its energetic focus in the direction of who you have become, and you are not following along. You are stuck being who you once were. Your discomfort is your soul calling out your name in the dark, inviting you to turn towards your future. Thus, the feeling of being lost (or stuck) is good news! It lets you know that you have developed into the new you, and that now is a time to shift your vantage point and direction.
 
Living authentically is an internal gauge that can only be read from within. When you are in alignment with your soul light - your values, passions, purpose, who you are becoming - you know it by how good you feel. Authenticity is an continuous dance of keeping your vibration (way of being) level with the next evolution of your soul's unfolding.
 
When your soul light turns you in an unpopular direction; you must go in order to realign. Approval is fluid and co-creative - others reflect how much you are able to accept your right to become. They give your will something to push against in order to develop strength and confidence in who you are. Yet, this discomfort too shall pass. In the end, living authentically is never about rebellion - fighting against what others think of you only strengthens your fixation on them as your gauge. Nor is authentic living about isolation - to live in alignment with who you are does not require abandoning the desires of (and your commitment to) those you love. On the contrary, you are more present and true in every relationship when you are confident, secure, and walking in the world as who you really are. You no longer confuse the way you feel with outside causes; nor do you expect others to be as you are. You understand that YOU are the first cause of your greatest joys and sorrows, not those around you. Because your joy depends on you alone, the people in your life approach you eagerly. Your feeling good is up to you...they are off the hook! This leaves you both present for authentic connection.
 
As a final thought: when you are feeling powerless, it is important to note that your soul light only gets stronger and stronger in your search for it. It is there; always it is there calling out to you. In fact, without this light from behind, you would not even be able to see your shadow. Isn't that a grand design!

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I recently returned from a long weekend in Bend, Oregon where I attended the first annual NW Hoop Gathering. It was a transformational weekend, filled with workshops led by hoop pioneers from all over the country. Presentations ranged from free-form explorations to technical skill-building, as each of the facilitators shared their unique approach to hooping with over 100 attendees. (See a full page article in the Bend Bulletin).

When I first picked up a hoop in 2006, I never imagined where it would take me. The most powerful aspect of my path in the hoop has been the way it has taught me to surrender to the unknown. By allowing myself to be carried on the current of the hoop, my life has orbited to new heights. To me, the hoop is contemplative playtime. It is a vehicle that allows two parts of me to unite in a harmonic convergence. My free spirit is nurtured by the joy of dance and exploration through movement and radiance. And the spiritual seeker and metaphysician in me is taught volumes about how the flow of energy moves in and around my body and mind. The hoop is a metaphor for the ways in which life speaks to (and through) me. Joyful. Powerful. Active. Yielding.

The SHiNE Workshop - What Moves You Matters
Saturday, April 11, 2009

My workshop presentation was at the end of the day on Saturday. After many hours of hooping, attendees were in need of a breather. In the spirit of flow, I surrendered my workshop plan to the tides of the moment. The majority of our time was spent in seated discussion. I introduced attendees to my ever-evolving experience of flow as a harmonic balance between Who We Are and Who We Have Become. Upon opening the floor for questions, we discussed the perceived barriers to living with authenticity. Topics of discussion included: the opinion of others, family dynamics, how ‘should’ can disempower our choices, and getting to the core of what it is we really want. In short, we applied the energy dynamics that the hoop is helping us to master to our everyday lives. How can we flow more deliberately towards our most joyous experience of life?

After a lively discussion, I was eager to move and vessel the understanding through movement. We had very little time, so I picked two exercises to end with. First, we moved into a circle formation and surrendered our hoops - “you are not what you do.” We co-created our own harmonic flow of energy - two concentric circles weaving in and out of one another - as attendees connected with their community face-to-face, hand-to-hand in a perpetually moving circle dance. From there, I felt the space was hungry for release. A Nia experience followed through a powerful dance of rhythm and sounding. The power of over 100 voices wildly basking in unison is still reverberating in my heart.

I am ever-so grateful to Mollie Hogan of HoopDazzle - friend, student, and event organizer - who wouldn’t take no for an answer. When she encouraged me to present at the event many months ago, I voiced my concern about teaching hoop technique as my energy is so much more drawn to coaching these days. She encouraged me to create a workshop that I would be eager to teach, and reassured me in my ability to deliver. I faced my demons of doubt, and I did just that. Thank you, Mollie, for your unconditional love and support.

And I was so delighted and appreciative to see so many friendly Portland faces in the crowd! Your presence made me feel at home and at ease. Special thanks to Lacye Lee for her assistance and support during my workshop!

A Shout Out to the Presenters

I am continually amazed and inspired by the people that I meet through the hoopdance community. The focus of this year’s event was The Evolution of Flow. In the world of flow arts (ie: poi, staff, flags, etc), hoopdance has arrived and is rock-solid! Presentations focused on experiential understandings of flow understanding, specific to the hoop. These few paragraphs could hardly do justice to all the brilliance shared in the presentations... nevertheless, a shout out feels warranted. I express my gratitude to:

Baxter of The Hoop Path for his shamanic teaching style that reminds us all to “go blind” and dive deep into what moves us at our very core.

Ann of The Hoop Path for her poise, grace, and willingness to look closer. Her teaching presence ignites a powerful fusion of femininity and strength.

Spiral of Spiral Hoop Dance for her beauty and presence as she led us through a variety of technical applications inspired by her inspirational circus-style studies. I appreciate so much getting to know her... her smile, her curiosity, and her wonder.

Rich of Isopop for a diagrammatical workshop on isolations and break-style hooping that was awe-inspiring and effective.

Christabel of HoopGirl for her continual courageous pushing of limits! Her workshop on floor hooping and micro-hoop meditations took each attendee into previous uncharted territories in and out of the hoop. Go, soul sister, go!

Khan for his wisdom and insight as he expressed an understanding of flow that pushed our boundaries into quantum physics and beyond. I was especially affected by his presentation, as I saw so clearly how the hoop is really a vehicle for the energetic teachings that come through us all.

Philo of Hooping.org for his playful and approachable teaching style that emphasized legwork and so much more. I am so grateful to Philo and the way in which he owns who he is and connects us all to one another, one click at a time.

Anah (aka Hoopalicious) of Hoop Revolution for her expertise and willingness to share it. I felt so much alignment with her teaching, in philosophy and technique, and I appreciate the ways she pushed me into so many areas of exploration in my hoop I had yet experienced. I am renewed with inspiration!

Thank you to all of the presenters for your wisdom and sharing. The best part about sharing a platform with you all was truly feeling complete authenticity in our sharing with one another and the community at large.

And as a final thought... a very heartfelt thank you to the radiant women in my life who support me every step of the way. I am blessed in friendship withe amazing women who inspire me endlessly! The best part of my weekend was the sharing of laughter, insight, and delight with ladies dear to my heart: Jasmine, Christabel, Holly, Keri, Jennaluna, and Mollie... you rock my world! Cara and Sylvia... you were both there with me in spirit. Thank you for your invisible support. I love you all!

Basking in Today’s Vibrations

I am so grateful for this day. The sun is shining high in the sky and Portland is aglow with joyful faces. I love making eye contacting and sharing a smile with a stranger.

I appreciate the conversation that I had with my mom on the phone today. It was brief but full of love. We connected heart-to-heart, and I told her how happy I was that she was my mom. It was another special moment when we talked about her dad, my grandpa. We both smiled in awe of his spirit. I am grateful that he is my family... grateful that I share genes with a man who is healthy and happy at 93 years of life. He is a humble man who leads by example - through simple service and a peaceful disposition. He is a testament to the power of a simple existence and how it begets health and wholeness. I love him dearly.

I feel blessed with amazing friendships. Tonight I will have dinner with two of the most wonderful women that I know - Jasmine and Sylvia. I am grateful that we have the abundance to share a delicious meal together. I love that we talk to one another with such unconditional love and acceptance. I look forward to many magic moments between us.

I love my job! I am so happy to be doing work that allows me total freedom and flexibility. I spent the day writing about things that inspire me and bring me joy. It is easy for me to make money doing what I love! The greatest gift in my professional life in this moment is collaboration! I appreciate Christabel Zamor (I call her my co-creative soul mate) and the work that we are doing together. I am looking forward to the many successful co-creations before us. I know that I will make loads of money while helping millions to reconnect to who they really are... so that they can experience abundance of creativity and resources, too! I love my job!

Today a little girl (about 7 years old) said she liked my computer. It was so nice to receive her smile.

I walked through the park near my home today. I love the sound of children playing. I took a minute to soak it all in. It felt good to soak up the sounds and sensations of freedom and fun.

I am grateful for all of this and so much more!

Basking in my Vibrational Escrow

I know that my life is getting better and better each day. New opportunities continue to pleasantly surprise me.

I expect the unexpected... through the best possible outcomes for me in all areas of my life. I know that there is a Source of perpetual bliss that is guiding my life. When I feel good, I am connected to it. So I look for reasons to feel good, all day everyday.

Freedom is a sensation that I know well. It comes to me with ease and in many forms. Money flows freely into my life in more and more ways, reminding me that when I feel good, I attract goodness in all its forms. I am also blessed with opportunities to travel and connect with like-minded souls. I meet so many amazing and inspiring people!

I love that my work feels like play. I love that I make money being myself. My work is a montage of my many passions... dancing, playing, and sharing things that come naturally to me.

My business is growing so fast, and it is easy to keep up with and manage. I have aligned with the perfect people to assist me in the follow-through on a variety of projects simultaneously. I am surrounded by talented and resourceful SHiNE Agents who have helped to grow and share this message internationally. The work is touching lives beyond my wildest dreams.

I appreciate the relationships in my life, and how they continue to deepen and expand. I am now able to visit my family whenever I please, and spend time connecting, learning, and growing. My friendships are glorious and transformational environments of fun and sharing. I especially love the retreats I take often with my closest girlfriends. I fly us all to far off places for playtime. It is a blast!

And my new home by the water is dreamy! I even have a boat. Of course, my beloved partner is the captain... and that’s fine by me! I trust this beautiful and honorable man with my heart. We share such a wonderful life together... and we look forward to a family. I appreciate the way that he makes me laugh and grow each and every day.

Life is really magnificent. Thank you for all these blessings and more.

My practice of basking in gratitude is inspired by the teachings of Abraham-Hicks. (www.abraham-hicks.com)

You may have noticed that the February issue of theMessenger never made it out into cyberspace. I was on a personal retreat - a Abraham-Hicks Well-Being Adventure Cruise to the Mexican Riviera with a dear friend and nearly 600 like-minded souls. It was truly a pivotal and inspiring journey for me. I feel certain that I was forever changed by the inspired teachings I was exposed to, the individuals whom I met, and the hours spent steeping in hot tubs and transformative discussions.

Something was revived in me...something that I have known since my first dawn in this world...something that shapes everything that I choose as I walk through the world. Life was meant to feel good.

I so enjoyed being on the receiving end of a message that clarifies with such simplicity the essence of that which I share in every SHiNE offering. My commitment to our inherent right to feel good is the source behind each and every SHiNE creation. When we are in alignment with who it is we are becoming, we radiate contagious enthusiasm and creative inspiration. When we allow the natural expression of our truth and magnificence to shine, we feel fabulous and connected to all of life. However, when we dilute the fullness of our gifts or disallow our most honest self from evolving forth, we suffer from disharmony or dis-ease. My life has been - and continues to be - a navigation of this most basic principle of life. The path of my bliss dares me to step into alignment with more of my potential with each passing moment.

So what are common stumbling blocks for so many of us? Why don't we feel good more of the time?

Learning to Trust Yourself
In some cases, we navigate our course based on the opinions of those around us. We turn our attention away from our internal guidance and we fixate on how we are being received by our environment. Dis-empowerment is self-inflicted as we stray from our path in order to become what we perceive is expected of us or become stuck in being who we once were. This tendency often shows up subtly through our self-talk; we use words and phrases like: should and have to. The honesty of what is real for us is denied for the sake of what we think is right, rather that what we know is right for us in the moment.

Finding the joy that is in our very nature hinges on our ability to differentiate our desires from the desires of those around us. What turns you on is personal and unique to you. Let us all be reminded that the need to please others - and/or to fit into a way of being that is contrary to the essence of who we are - leads to suffering. It is a Loving Universe that guides us in this way. Through energetic imbalances - negative emotion and/or physical dis-ease - we are being guided to return to ourselves once more. It is nature's way of saying: Deny who it is you have become and I will remind you to make a shift. Realign with what brings you great joy and you will feel relief. It is always reminding us...in order to feel good, you must be true to the essence of who you really are - and who you are continually becoming. I can't think of a message more loving than that.

Relief As An Indicator
It is in the moments of disconnection from Who We Really Are that we feel fear and discouragement. It is only when we miss the point of such moments that we get stuck in the rut of despair. These 'low moments' are simply letting us know that we are not aligned with our deepest desires. Our inner guidance is providing us with feedback - in this case, negative emotion - that let's us know we are out of alignment with direction in which we are evolving. The more we feed this self-created reality of disempowerment (with self-defeating criticism or habituated actions) the worse we feel.

However, if we turn away from the discomfort and consciously seek a feel-good experience, we immediately feel relief. And relief is feedback that lets us know we are moving closer to Who We Really Are. Relief can come from shifting your attention from a topic that "brings you down" to a topic that is neutral and/or of a higher frequency for you. At other times, it is a matter of re-framing your experience so that you see the gift - the opportunity to develop into more of who you have become - through each and every choice you make.

As we move into spring, set the intention to make FEELING GOOD your practice. When you come face-to-face with a perceived source of discomfort, either shift your attention or shift your perspective. Allow yourself the freedom to choose how you want to feel in relationship to the world around you. Whatever you do, find a way to feel good. And yes...you can. You came into the world knowing how to do this. You are hard-wired to follow your emotions (internal vibrations) as indicators...you get better and better at it with time and practice. Life is supposed to be a process of continual improvement as you become a master of choosing more consciously over time.

Since returning from my travels, I have re-committed to this practice. And I have been exuding more enthusiasm and positivity than ever! So much so, in fact, that I was recently accused of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. To this I responded, "Thank you! And if you'd like, I'd be happy to fashion you a pair!"

Seeing Pink Everywhere,
Candice


This month's feature was greatly influenced by the teachings of Abraham-Hicks. For more information, visit them online at www.abraham-hicks.com.

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I am settling in at home in Portland, Oregon relaxing after three glorious days in Baltimore, Maryland! I was there co-facilitating a HoopGirl Level One Teacher Training. Although I had taught the course material alongside Christabel on numerous occasions over the past 3 years (and even helped co-author many of the concepts), it was a new dawn for me and for HoopGirl. This was the first training in which the material would be presented without Christabel as a facilitator. My intention going into the weekend:  to trust that I would be able to channel her wisdom - along with my own - and deliver 100% on the promise. And I am so pleased to announce that we did just that! 

I certainly didn't do it alone! My co-trainer was Jennaluna. Ripe from her Level 3 training, she was superbly present as she courageously stepped right into the role of Trainer! Jenna is a natural facilitator, and it was such a joy to witness her holding the frequency of a leader and guide. She was especially potent when she fully embraced her power and yielded as her teaching worked through her. I look forward to more opportunities to teach alongside her... and share in more late night laughter! I am so grateful to work alongside colleagues that so soon become friends. 

A group of 13 fabulous women arrived on Day One, fully present and eager to learn about HoopGirl philosophy and education. I was immediately struck by the presence of each trainee. As the days unfolded, the attendees initiated lively discussions that led us into many expansive explorations of the material. It was so easy to witness and identify the unique brilliance of each in attendance: 

Noelle is the local hooper who made the training possible, providing us with the perfect space and constant support. She is a grounded, vibrant woman who has an impeccable warmth about her. Noelle offers observations, questions, and conscious facilitation that weave richness and depth to the teaching experience. 

Elena and Tara came from upstate New York, and I was immediately struck by their shared commitment and focus. Their community is in for a treat as they offer a combined synergy that is sure to delight. Elena wooed us all with her warm and expansive teaching style that reminded me the power of eye contact and poise. Tara guided us with an effortless wisdom and a sassy smile that melted our hearts and brought joy out in our dance.

Carolann joined us from New Jersey. She was our diva-goddess guide who demonstrated how coaching and empowerment can so effortlessly be woven into teaching hoopdance. I am personally inspired by her commitment to learn and grow in the direction of her bliss. Our lunchtime chat was a highlight of my weekend.

Pam came to the training with a dream to bring Ohio to life via the hoop. She blew us all away by her skill level - after only 6 months hooping, she was teaching all of us a thing or two! She is a testament of the power of online study. Not to mention, a natural teacher and model of how youthfulness is an ageless embodiment.

Chantiel came from Boise, Idaho... and is also a student of many via her online studies. She brought a inspiring and penetrating teaching style that held a powerful space for instruction. I appreciate her inquisitive and willing presence to learn and grow. 

Katie (aka: Surprise) joined us from the DC area. She brought so much creativity to her teaching via her remarkable attention to detail. I especially loved her immediate integration of conscious languaging and ability to reflect back to each of us. Her success will be no surprise to me. ;-)

Tina B (Virginia) brought her vast teaching experience into the hoop in such a personal way. She has a sensual and joyous style that is perfectly suited for the hoop - a mixture of bellydance and fitness offering a powerful fusion. She made us all smile and rest into the confidence of her instruction.

Becca was also from Virginia, and I can't say enough about the integrity she possesses. Each time I witnessed her - as trainee and as teacher - she was in full alignment with who she is. As a result, her teaching delivered a yoga-warrior-hoop journey unlike any other. 

Leda came to us all the way from Florida and the performance troupe known as the Hoola Monsters. She carries the natural poise and radiance of a performer and it translates perfectly into her teaching. I celebrate her smile and the power of her natural abilities as teacher.

Allison blew us away with her beautiful circus-style contortions during the photo shoot! And as a teacher, she is a self-possessed bundle of joy that you can't help but want to connect with and learn from. She will surely magnetize many joyous bodies into her classes.

I was always mesmerized when I would witness Kara hoop during breaks. A yoga teacher from North Carolina, she has a fluid and majestic style that may be partially inspired by the little guy she is expecting from within - she did the training while 4.5 months pregnant! She certainly brought the power and radiance of yin alive through her teaching as she masterfully demonstrated and "committed" to the task at hand. What an inspiration for all the mothers out there!

I can't possibly leave out Candice C. who was from a Maryland mountain community nearby. She is a warm and delightful woman who brought a lovely energy into the group. I was inspired by her choice - one of self-love - to step out on the second day, choosing to complete the training at another time. Sometimes the path of least resistance requires that we yield to an unexpected direction. I commend her for honoring her inner guidance. 

And a very special shout out to Kelly Jo... a previous graduate of the training was the ultimate assistant to Jenna and I. She went above and beyond the call of duty, catering to our every need and making a distant training location feel like home. Thank you so much for your presence, Kelly Jo! You are a star, for sure. We missed you on Day 3 and are hoping that you are feeling much better!

I couldn't possibly fully express the experience of the past weekend in these few paragraphs. I will simply share my gratitude to each and every one of the trainees for bringing their brilliance into the space; the synergy was inspiring to us all. And thank you, Jennaluna, for your exquisite partnership and presence. 

A very, very special acknowledgment to Christabel... my dear friend and creative soulmate. Thank you for trusting me to deliver the product of your brilliance to these women. I am the better for it. I hope you know how you inspire greatness in us all. 

Joyous & Grateful!
Candice

Tis' the season of new year's resolutions. Did you expect to see a different kind of picture? Take a minute to really look at the photo above. What comes to mind as you view these full-figured women in all their glory?
 
When I was in college studying for my BA in Psychology and Human Development, one class that rocked my world was entitled: Prejudice and Stigma. My dynamic professor, Chris Crandall, is still at it. He has been studying prejudice for decades. Specifically, he is an expert on the topic of weight-related prejudice. I vividly remember the day when he revealed to us what I considered staggering statistical findings. He and his colleagues found that:  The parents of obese children were significantly less likely to pay to send them to college. The familial weight-dependent prejudice displayed towards female children was much higher than that of boys. And that perhaps the most painful aspect of the stigma of "fat" in all age groups - what set this stigma apart from other demographics - was that even people of the same size and shape were reportedly prejudiced toward one another. In essence, antipathy towards fat people is pervasive and culturally reinforced, even within the family and social circles.

The picture gallery referenced above intrigues me for the way in which it challenges me to think. Did you notice any culturally inherited prejudices in your perception of these ladies? These are women who dance in naked defiance of the cultural spell many of us are under. First, they bask in the glow of self-acceptance without sucking it in or reliance on airbrushing. That is inspiration enough. Yet they take it a step further. They blatantly dare you to face your judgments, your assumptions, and your willingness to accept beauty in all its variations. They dare to flaunt their abundant curves, usually kept hidden. They reach to one another for the courage it takes to be seen...a collective band of body-blazing pioneers. They are heros in their own right.

Over fifteen years after Dr. Crandall's initial findings, I can honestly say that I don't know one woman - of any shape or size - who is immune from the terrifying stigma of "fat" on some level. Again and again, I am surprised to learn that even the most slender, dynamic, and powerful women are fighting against their bodies. It's the same story in variant forms...25-year old women "feeling fat" while wearing everything from size two to size twenty, 35-45 year old women confused that they are no longer shaped like a teen model, and women 50+ years young who quite literally ban themselves from the pleasure of a bathing suit for life due to the pain of body-loathing. It's our best kept secret - this emotional sickness among women. We only allude to the symptoms of it, as our helplessness keeps us from diving too deep.

On my own journey, I have certainly braved the seas of change from adolecence into womanhood. Even my youth and interest in movement didn't keep me immune. I look back on photos of me athletic, thin, and in my “physical prime.” I feel a mixture of awe and utter sadness that I feared and "felt fat" even then! Now as I step into another transformative season of life, I peel back the layers on more negative beliefs and self-judgments as my body is changing. When will I truly feel total body acceptance?

If, like me, you have an intention for greater health and self-care in 2009, I fully support your mission. Yet I have discovered time and time again that intentions driven by the desperation of body-loathing are not a healthy prescription for change. True motivation comes from a heartfelt desire for a more fulfilling life, not a smaller dress size. And fitness is about so much more than a number on a scale.

In 2008, I took a break from dancing and most forms of fitness. This time-out was prompted by my body's cries for a hiatus from over seven years of pretty much continual dynamic movement. During that time the prescription for my wellness was stillness. Over the course of my time off, I gained nearly 20 lbs along with the weight of some new leisurely habits. Nevertheless, I was inventing new ways to be healthy and whole. And, I was invited to love my body anew - an ever-developing woman existing amidst a more curvaceous landscape.

I recently started dancing again...as the integration completed its cycle, my spirit began to stir once again. I thought it would surely take a few months to feel the power of fitness and movement as I once had. What I discovered after only 1 week of movement was glorious! No, not that I had lost a bunch of weight or that I had rock-hard abs. I discovered that I immediately felt alive again...that sweat is an elixir of bliss when delivering the spirit within...and that to move is to breathe life forward. All of these are indicators of true fitness. To express my spirit through the flesh, at any age and cycle of life, that is wellness realized.

Lightness can be felt at any size. Beauty can be activated in a deep cleansing breath or in a simple movement of the hips. And fitness is an aliveness that can only be measured from within.

Ladies, I know I am not alone in my journey to change the way I think about my body and fitness. Yet, instead of turning to one another for support, we turn to our mirrors in shame. We turn to fad diets...we turn to deprivation and isolation...we turn to creams to hide our cellulite...and unfortunately, we turn on one another through subtle energetics that feed our pain and disconnection.

As with all mentalities we outgrow as a species, this cultural madness must be brought to light and shed. In 2009, like the women pictured above, let's create an alliance to accept one another in the ways in which we would like to be accepted. I propose that we band together to step out of the darkness and into the light and brilliance that comes from navigating our fears. Let's stop turning our back on one another and let's find fitness, pleasure, and self-acceptance somewhere other than in our reflections and dress sizes.

If you feel so inspired, I invite you to join me in the following New Year's Resolution:

• I will do my best to accept and find beauty in my body, as it is - giving myself at least one physical complement per day.

• I will send a message of body-based appreciation and admiration to at least one woman per day (via a heartfelt complement, through thought or word).

• I will readjust my thinking in order to incorporate a new definition of fitness - one where feeling radiant and powerful is more important than feeling thin. I will seek opportunities to express my radiance through my body in 2009!

SIGN THE CONTRACT
Body Alliance 2009
Print and Sign a Declaration to activate YOUR resolution.
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And by the way, Body Appreciation is just one of the many topics we will focus on in the upcoming Radiance Coaching Class Series (new dates tba). If you feel moved to join us, click here for more information. Hope to see you there!

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Looking Forward to Celebrating Your Beauty,
Candice

 
Life is a series of breakthroughs.
 
Consider the way in which we come into the world. Quite literally breaking through, we begin the cycle of life as we know it. We are pushed into being by a force beyond our control. What lies on the other side of the trauma that we are experiencing is unknown, and is therefore feared. Soon we learn that the same force that pushed us into the world is the essence of nourishment and safety. Nevertheless, in the moment of birth and emergence, we cry out as the light pierces the veil of darkness. Naturally, we wince at a power that exceeds comprehension.
 
We spend the rest of our life re-living this birth pattern, comforts followed by contractions. These contractions often come to us as breakdowns - some aspect of our life threatening to dissolve. Each time, life is leading us to a new emergence (greater light) so that we might experience more brilliance - of insight, of connection, of purpose. Through each and every breakdown - however dark it may seem - is the womb through which more light will emerge. Thus, each breakdown is a breakthrough - a state of emergenc-y in the truest sense.
 
If we so choose, we may reframe our approach to the emergencies of life. There is no denying that such seasons of change can be painful and confusing. The time spent in the midst of breakdown is a time of contraction requiring strength and endurance, and can be especially difficult if the light of breakthrough cannot be readily seen in the distance. A breakdown forces us from the comfort of the status quo so that we might acknowledge what we have too long denied. We have become dependent on habits that we have outgrown, and we are being forced to take our life to the next level.
 
Generally, breakdowns are met with fear. (Just look no further than current state of our financial sectors for evidence of this on a cultural level). The natural energy of fear is contraction, withdrawal, and sometimes panic. In times of breakdown, we are conditioned to feel smaller as we are faced with a force beyond our control. We may feel defeated, ill-equipped, and unsure of what is to come. In essence, we ask the same questions that we did not have words for as we emerged from the womb - where oh where could these contractions be taking us?!
 
I suggest we approach this time of contraction with consciousness, introspection, and a certain degree of trust. Activate your inner witness, and assess what is no longer in harmony with your most heartfelt desires. Ask yourself: What habits have I outgrown? How am I being asked to change? In what ways am I limiting the possibilities in my life? And, what am I most afraid of? In this way, we consciously engage with each contraction, willingly and openly breathing through the waves of challenge in the hope of greater insight.
 
Yet awareness, while most essential, is only the yin of it. in the end - and only you will know when it is time - you must be prepared to engage the yang within...to push your way out. Contractions get closer together; discomfort forces you into action...and you facilitate your own rebirth by taking courageous steps that align you with the potential you are stepping into.
 
Listening to the wisdom of breakdown, we learn from it, and thereby facilitate breakthroughs in our own lives. Keep in mind, reflection can be made easier in the company of a coach, an ally, or a dear friend. When we are held in the spirit of self-empathy, fear is transmuted into power. When navigated consciously, fear can actually be used as a wisdom that results in a more expansive you. Just as contractions enable birth, if allowed, fear enables new life. Contraction begets expansion. Breakdown begets breakthrough.
 
Keep in mind, most breakthroughs happen in stages. Each and every contraction bringing more awareness of how we must continually move and grow. Take it one step at a time, and know that the joy of a new path is emerging:
 

AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson
 
Chapter I:
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
 
Chapter II:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
 
Chapter III:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
 
Chapter IV:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
 
Chapter V:
I walk down another street.

Seeing The Light Ahead,
Candice

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Courage is be true to what is in your heart, even in the face of potential backlash. There is pressure in our culture to be politically neutral in the arena of business. Like the separation of church and state, we often keep our principles and politics out of the workplace and confine it to our homes. In many instances, there is wisdom in such intentions. Too often, personalities become intertwined in political debates and everyone loses in the need to be right. For some reason we find cause to argue, caught in the out-dated illusion that in order to be for something we have to be against someone.

Nevertheless, tonight I challenge the status quo. I step out of the box. I become transparent in my principles because, for the first time in my life, I feel the emergence of a leader who echoes my conscience. My business and my practice are really a reflection of who I am, and an aim to share my gifts through the way I am designed to serve. And so, with joy and an unprecedented feeling of my own ideals and truths reflected, I share my unabashed joy at the election of Barack Obama as the new president of the United States. In doing so, I take the risk that some of you will confuse my principles with political issues and turn a derisive ear on my musings. It's a chance I am willing to take; as I believe that truth and transparency always lead us closer to what unites us in the end.

Hope is the voice within, that in the absence of all evidence insists that Light is still present.
Hope, a fundamental SHiNE Principle.

I can't ever remember feeling connected to a political leader who lived and drew breath in my lifetime. I have yearned to feel inspired by, not only a personality, but a message that resonates at the core of who I am. My life has been a bumpy journey guiding me towards the ideals of truth, humility, grace, compassion, and most of all, hope.

I so often looked around at the world in which I lived with confusion, wondering if the unity, diplomacy, and promise that I know is possible might ever be reflected back to me on a large scale in my lifetime. As a child who moved from small town to small town, I felt isolated from the world of stability and abundance. As an adolescent I was baffled by my small but powerful reality that demanded an offensiveness of me that I didn't inherently possess. As a young college student, I dove into philosophy, religion, and ancient texts as substitutes for the leadership I yearned for in my coming of age. And as a young adult, I have often felt I am designed to live in a different world than the one reflected back to me in our cultural habits and expectations. Nevertheless, I have fought to live the life of hope through my choices. No matter what safety, expedience, and vanity might have to say...inner authority matters most of all. And there is a light inside of me - however dim it may seem at times - that says it is possible to be who I am in this world. It is indeed possible to recreate a world in which everyone feels he or she has a place and a significance.

Tonight, I shed tears of joy as I witnessed a crowd of hundreds of thousands of people like me (young, diverse, and full of promise) with light and possibility in their eyes. While I have confidence in Obama's principles and what he represents, I did not vote for a man, an issue, or an icon. I voted for a message of hope and unity. I have no doubt that as a president he will face challenges, and I pray that as Americans we offer he and his family the grace of humanness. However, it is the premise of possibility and common purpose that inspires me beyond he, the person. It is what his brilliance elicits in others that matters most to me. It's the look of determination, inspiration, and strength that I saw reflected in eyes of so many in the crowd that gathered all over the country that moved me to tears. You see, as a coach and teacher, I know the power of a will driven by purpose. Nothing stands in the way of the promise of possibility when the will is self-initiated and encouraged.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
Barack Obama

I have never felt more certain and motivated in my work and in the potential of a new world. Tonight, I cried for the child inside of me - and the ancient archetype inside of so many around the world - who never thought someone like her could ever be fully accepted by the world in which we live.

Regardless of your political affiliation, may you have the courage to look beyond division and find a way to unify and align with the greater good that we all seek. I respect you fully for your beliefs, your principles, and your vote in any direction. May we embrace a world where we can all be honored and listened to in our joys and successes, and more importantly in our disappointments and frustrations.

Personally, I see a universal victory in the outcome of this election. In this season of long days of darkness, we are forced look to the light within - the spark of potential felt, yet unseen in the absence of sun. It is from that prick of light inside that spring is seeded. In actuality, potential for change comes not from an outside source, but from our own conviction and inner compass in life. May we all tend to the hope within in order to unite in a common purpose. After all, in the end, it is our differences that empower and enable us to experience deep love, living in a symphonic harmony that sameness simply cannot express.

Yours as a New American,
Candice

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In recent months, I have been swimming in paradox. It's been a peaceful ride through drastic changes in my day-to-day life. A relationship that brought me closer to my fears in order to overcome them has ended. Our parting was filled with compassion and truth, and left me with a sense of completion and wonder. More love than ever, in this case, means letting go.

Another move (the third in 2008!) across town into a solitary existence for the first time in years has been challenging. Add to that, an epic realization that I am no longer the impassioned movement teacher who moved to Portland five years ago. The teacher in me lives on; however, I am no longer drawn to what I once taught. My relationship with Nia has taken me to where I am today and will always be a part of me... but I no longer have the same urge to teach. Teaching hooping has been a joyous journey of learning and connection... yet the business must continue to evolve with me behind the scenes. I am all at once devastated and relieved to be admitting to what I have known for over a year now. I am transforming into a new kind of teacher... and apparently, what exactly this looks like will not reveal itself until I let go of all that I know.

In a final attempt to revive what-once-was, I taught a couple of events this past month. What happened as a result is not unfamiliar to me... it's an experience I have had in the past when I hold on to a reality when it is no longer serving my highest good. It seems to be my spirit's way of speaking to me when I am not listening.

In this instance, it was a moment of teaching... sensing my body, sharing the experience, weaving cues together in new ways and old, as I have for the past seven years... I felt a part of myself (a part that I identify as my spirit, the witness within) begin to rise up just above my body. It feels similar to some out-of-body experiences that I have read about... only without the woo-woo magic and with a lot more fear! I become immersed in the witness and its vantage point, all the while, I am teaching the class on auto-pilot - without missing a beat. The words flow out, the students respond, and I am suspended slightly above, observing it all. Re-reading this it sounds entirely too mystical... when in actuality, it's far from warm and fuzzy. When it is happening, I feel a surge of anxiety that borders on panic. My sensory perception becomes so heightened that it is almost painful to take it all in... everything amplified - sounds, light, my own emotion. It's like a threshold that I can contain only for so long without going mad. Usually with body awareness, I can recover center once more within a second or two. Anyway, when I tap into this hovering aspect of myself, it always delivers the same message in the end. Something like: I don't want to do this anymore. I've done all I can here. Set me free.

Later, once in-body and out-of-class, I fight back with reason. Come on now! We have invested so much time and energy here. (and yes, it's a "we"). We are good at this and we should keep doing it! This argument is my ego's attempt to reign my spirit in... to get it to sign on for an agenda that is safe and secure. Only, it's not. My spirit plays the trump card when it lifts me out of body. My rational mind is silenced. There is no "reason" for what I am experiencing... and nothing about it feels like what my ego calls "safety."

I was reflecting on this to a dear friend in a moment of sorrow. I told her about a moment of rising above myself teaching on auto-pilot. And the sense of emptiness that I felt while teaching what used to fill my heart with passion. I voiced my frustration and self-judgement ... WHY are things always changing? Why can't I just be great at something and then do it again and again, fulfilled by the service I am offering? Why the need to re-invent myself? Why I am rejecting the status quo yet again? Am I just an ego-maniac looking for a fix that I will never find?!

I could almost feel her smiling on the other end. Then, in a sage moment, she responded and struck a chord of truth that I desperately needed strumming. ... Candice, you are a creator and a seeker. You will never be satisfied doing anything once it becomes auto-pilot. You are just not wired that way. You will always transform and change beyond it because it is in your nature to do so.

Uh, yeah.
It is undeniable and true.
:-)
Thanks, Sylvia.

And so, I yield.
I let go, again.

This must be what it feels like to be the dust speck on Horton Hears A Who... floating about in the air, hopeful that some force much larger and unseen will carry it to safety. In a way, I guess it is the SHiNE message at work through me... as we all feel that way from time-to-time, especially when we answer the call from within. In the words of Horton, may we remember: "let that be a lesson to one and to all; a person is a person, no matter how small."

And might I add..
Whomever, however, wherever you might be.
The heart of your SHiNE has the right to be free.

Be you. Embrace who you are to keep the light on.

I have always been passionate about bridging the spaces that separate. As a child, I was often the mediator between feuding friends; as an adult, the diplomat able to navigate delicate communications. Yet I feel most passionate about supporting integration in the intersecting avenues of spirit. I am taking this opportunity to do just that by learning and growing through AIHT's distance learning program. No doubt this journey, just beginning, will inspire my work in powerful ways. Stay tuned and thanks for your kind thoughts of support on my new adventure!
- Candice

Learn more about AIHT

Honoring All As One,
Candice

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What an amazing way to start out the month! I have been traveling in the UK, co-teaching HoopGirl teacher trainings with my soul sister and radiant colleague, Christabel Zamor. The training is filled with so many inspirational women (and one man!) with roots stretching far and wide - England, Scotland, Wales, Poland, Italy, and Columbia to name a few! Altogether creating a myriad of accents, talents, and creative impulses.

It is always an honor to see trainees stepping into their power as teachers. And working with Christabel - a powerhouse of inspiration and possibility - is a total joy! Can I just say I adore our connection?! What a divine partnership it is. Our joint facilitation is so effortless and contains an undeniable synergy. Wow. Lucky for me, we are training through August 5. See you when I return!

The highlight of my teaching experience thus far is getting to know Kim, a 20-year old individualist with pink/purple hair and a variety of strategically-placed body piercings. She exudes a sensitivity and femininity beneath a tough exterior. She possesses a potent power clouded by the uncertainty to be expected at her age. I observed with fascination when, on Day 3 (the day of the teaching practicums), she was held hostage by self-effacing inner dialogue. She was filled with fear and dread at the thought of teaching in front of 20 other hoopers. Though the space was safe and supportive, she withdrew feeling powerless. Going to her, I did my best to penetrate this voice with my own. Listening through tears, she would nod, smile, and even laugh at my musings... only minutes later to sink back into the space of doubt.

Eventually, with some coaching and coaxing by myself and others, she chose to face her fear. I was so proud and in awe as she placed the headset on and began to lead the class with a command and presence I knew would come so naturally to her. Then it happened... one split second, a loss of words, and the truth of her effortless brilliance was again hijacked by fear. She seemed almost defenseless against it, and as her shoulders sunk her confidence was lost to her again. What happened next is like slow motion in my memory.

Christabel and I stood back to allow space for her to regain her center. Empathically I knew that doing nothing was the best way to be of service in this moment. And I watched with understanding and alarm as, one-by-one, the women around me (Kim's fellow trainees) began to rescue her. Motherly instincts kicked in, and each offered their own brand of love and kindness - some subtly teaching the class for her, and others ushering her along with physical closeness. As I witnessed, I noticed the result to Kim's energy... and something in me took over the space immediately. I stepped forward, not sure what I was about to do... just knowing it had to be done, and fast. Kim's soul was counting on us to do her a greater and higher service in the moment.

I simply knew - without a doubt - the truth of her brilliant potential. I firmly requested that everyone step away from Kim. With conviction I asserted over the buzz of the group, "I am stepping in here. I am 100% confident that Kim can do this. And I would like to give her the opportunity. I am requested that everyone stop doing this for her, and give her the space to have the experience she is here to have."

Everyone set their best intentions aside and backed away... they knew that I was on to something.

Within a minute or two, Kim was back in her power again. She is truly a lovely facilitator, very articulate and strong, with her own unique brand of humor. Throughout the course of her practicum, she lost her center again a couple of times... but because we did not feed those voices of self-pity with their co-dependent counterpart (the rescuer), she was able to rise from the ashes again and again. I am so proud of Kim. She is an emblem of courage to me. And to be pushing through fears like this as such a young adult... wow. I appreciate what she taught us all yesterday.

It was a miraculous moment to witness her in her brilliant glory!

We all have a choice when it comes to the negative self-talk (jackals) that can sometimes vie for our precious energy. It is in believing the story that our jackals tell us that we become helpless in connecting to the available brilliance within. (And yes, it's always available). Certainly, there is a time to nurture others (and ourselves) with empathy and understanding. However, it is easy to cross the line into unhealthy enabling of untruth when we support anything other than brilliance with the need to rescue. It's a fine line to walk... and safe containers (personal growth seminars, counseling sessions, loving relationships) are where we can practice a sort of tough love to bring one another back into the light again.

My thanks to HoopGirl, Christabel, Kim, and all the other inspiring trainees for this remarkable opportunity.

Inner Authority. It is an essential component in following one's own path of brilliance. The word "authority" implies both a sense of sovereignty and, perhaps less obviously, the ability to author and/or create an outcome. Inner Authority (Mahatma Gandhi called it soul force) places the power to create back in your heart and hands. Soul Force is hard-wired to override evidence (or opinions) to its contrary. It is a knowing that, at times, defies reason. And due to its unreasonable and unworldly nature, it brings you closer to the Divine.

Through experience in working with my own internal guidance and authority, I have learned to trust it. When I resist the guidance that I receive within (usually due to fear of failure or judgment), my outer world begins to express symptoms of my soulular discomfort. If I push my limits, my body may begin to shut down or pack on the pounds. If I continue to do something that no longer inspires me, conflicts may begin to emerge or money may stop flowing freely. All in all, my life seems to be divinely orchestrated; I only need have the courage to respond to its cues.

In this month's recommended reading, Deepak Chopra lists what he calls the Three Requirements to be Happy on The Soul Level. He invites us to ask the following questions:

Do I act without effort?
Do I feel joy in what I do?
Are my actions bringing results?

He very plainly put into words the process that I have been going through over the past few months. I am delighted to report that I am taking steps to shift the order of my everyday so that I can again answer an emphatic YES! to each of the above.

Now what about you? How is your soul represented in your everyday? Your physical reality is a reflection of your soulular alignment...yes, at all times. Are you making choices that are in integrity with the truth of you, the highest expression of who you can be at this moment? If so, Grace will walk alongside you as an ally. Or it may be that you are ready to make some space for your soul's deepest truths to emerge with more ease. Choices, one at a time, are all that stand between you and the deepest level of joy and fulfillment you could ever know.

Saying Yes Now,
Candice

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Deepak Chopra's latest book is a quick-read narrative style, laced with empowering insights. The story of a comedian's journey to enlightenment is followed by a brilliantly written guide to spiritual optimism. Inspired writing meets an easy read.

I read the entire book, cover-to-cover, on a 5 hour flight to Newark!
Enjoy.
:-)

more info

The translucent butterfly (pictured above) has become a mascot for my own path of trusting the promise of brilliant living. Allow her journey to shed some light:
 
One day a lone caterpillar was suddenly called. She was told by the force of her very nature to retreat into solitude and containment in order to experience a death of one self into another.
 
In saying yes, she was called to a resting place - suspended in thin air. There she began to shed her skin. It was frightening! Who would she be without it? The form she once knew was replaced by a shell and she was enveloped by darkness and paralysis. She couldn't move. Where exactly was she? And what had happened to all the light?! She hung, suspended between two lifetimes within one. She waited in the dark, at times feeling very afraid and alone - wondering why she had agreed to such a calling. Yet all the while, she felt a spark of promise whispering from deep, deep within.
 
Over time, the light inside her very core - once faint - became a wellspring of divine light. It kept her warm and safe as she felt who she once was dissolve and transform. It was scary to be stripped of her very caterpillar nature and all that she once knew. She wondered what might become of her...and what would be her place in the world? At times she fought the urge to break free from this cocoon that surrounded her. To squirm back out into the world as she once was. Yet each time she tried, the path was denied. She knew that in heeding that first call, there was no turning back.
 
In time, a potential deep within her pushed its way to the surface. She was ignited by possibility and an outrageous freedom to take flight. And all in one miraculous instant she felt death and new life merge. She pushed, she squirmed, and she broke free - soaring into the unknown.
 
Like the caterpillar, sometimes we are called to be born anew - towards the next grandest vision of how we might best serve the world. Our interconnectedness to All That Is becomes apparent - if we are humble enough to heed the call. Paradoxically, with each of our mini-incarnations we come to understand that to live and make choices in authentic self-love is far from a selfish pursuit. By following the compass of our soul, we give our best to the world around us.
 
For some of us, it is a call we will receive many times in our life. Letting go of what was once a comfortable existence and accepting the promise of something that requires we change who we think ourselves to be. And it usually requires we (temporarily at least) surrender the physical comforts that we once knew (relationships, career paths, and sometimes the approval of friends and family).
 
In fact, one of the most challenging aspects of a time of transformation is the potent force of the unknown. We wonder, "where did the light go?" as experiences that once inspired us no longer ignite our soul...or as those who once held us in high opinion question our path of change. Yet the darkness and self-containment is the greatest gift of all. It is by experiencing this season in which we are cut off from the light sources in our external world that we learn to tap Brilliance and Guidance from within.
 
I encourage you to the heed the soulful call that comes your way. A calling on the modern spiritual path is not a booming voice from beyond. Instead it creeps in through the cracks of our daily existence - through physical or emotional imbalances that threaten us to grow and change or continue on suffering.
 
And may more of us emerge from our cocoons with the promise of the transluscent butterfly. May the wings that carry our brilliance out into the world be clear and transparent so that the glory of the True Source might SHiNE through in our everyday flight.

Cracking Through My Cocoon,
Candice

Click here to see a caterpillar's journey to butterfly on YouTube.

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I am loving this book! It is a work that appeals to all who feel themselves to be "mystics without monastaries." Myss has written a soulful and engaging book that speaks to the deeper desires at the soul of who we are as humans. A great prescription to awaken from the distractions of the physical world.

more info

As a coach, I come across people everyday who are in a season of transition. Often I sit with a client as she weighs her options in regards to the various aspects of life. Be it venturing out on a new career path, taking a relationship to the next level, or rising from a season of depression, people come looking for a container of grace in which all facets of a situation can be seen more clearly.

Through experience, I have learned the power of language as a tool for transformation. The simple act of attending to our inner dialogue has the power to change the course of our thinking...and of our lives. When teaching exercises in conscious communication (stay tuned, workbook coming soon!), I suggest we flag certain words in order to shift the flow of energy in our minds and hearts. This creates a reset function in regards to our thinking and can be the key ingredient to shift a mental construct for good.

Make Choices vs. Decisions

When I hear a client say..."I need to decide, and I'm just not sure what to do." It is then I know that choice is the medicine of the moment. To decide in a moment of ambivalence forces a false sense of finality to the present moment. I invite us to honor the now of our reality, rather than focusing on the how (which is a function of the future, taking us out of the moment). Sometimes when we feel pressure to make decisions (knowing how), rather than choices (knowing now), we inadvertantly disempower ourselves. We make assumptions about the future and add unnecessary weight to our choices - assuming we know where each will lead us over time. We bind ourselves to a way of being that may serve us in the moment, yet not necessarily long-term. And, most of all, we rob ourselves of the freedom to experience the miracle that is a change of heart.

Choices are authentic, in-the-moment, and ever-changing - as are we! To choose is to evoke the essence of self acceptance and allows room for growth. Choice is a priviledge meant to evolve us towards more responsible expressions of who we are in the world. The highest choices are those that create more peace, love, and harmony in the world around us. We can decide to change the world, but can only happen one choice at a time.

So this month, practice presence. And if and when you feel the weight of decision upon you, choose what feels right in the moment instead. Respond to the now and release the how.

Thanks to inspirational singer and songwriter, India Arie, we have the perfect anthem for this month's focus:

I Choose, by India Arie
listen to it now



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I must admit that I have spent considerable life force - as so many of us have - reaching eagerly for the love of those around me. Nevertheless, I can't say that I relate to this blessing as it applies to others. I find that the love that matters most is not that which we receive. It is the love that we give that later comes back to us. And that love we give is what is reflected in the number of hearts that turn our way.

And, paradoxically, many times it is the love and tenderness we give unto ourselves that is most medicinal over time.

Only a few days ago I stumbled upon a strange turn of events (puns intended). The week began with a trip on the stairs and turned left ankle that left me with a small limp. Luckily, I yielded to the fall; thus, the injury was minor and discomfort passed rather quickly. Oddly, it was less than 16 hours later that I fell again - this time not so gracefully. My right ankle was rocked to the core - a severe sprain that left my skin purple and swollen. For three days I have been resting, icing, compressing, and elevating. Only yesterday was I able to put pressure on my right foot...today a limp is the evidence that lingers.

When I read the Irish Blessing above, I couldn't help but smile. The blessing has been in turning my attention to my own heart... and the limp is helping me to see better how often I turn away from that which nurtures me and the direction I wish to move in.

In my life experience - and in my professional life - I have seen again and again how the body acts as a metaphor. After discovering this through my own personal experience, I stumbled upon teachers such as Louise Hay (and her epic book Heal Your Body, Heal Your Life). The joints of the body are all about mobility... and the ability to move forward. They are about flow and right direction, if you will. And so this week I take stock of my choices and how they align with the direction of my dreams. And I am grateful for the message my body sends me.

BTW, here is my edited version of the old Irish Blessing
;-)

May I be at one with the Flow of Divine Love
and when I am not,
may the Beloved turn my heart towards It once again;
and if It doesn't succeed in turning my heart,
may It sweep my feet in Its direction
and I'll remember Love by my limping.

- Irish Blessing [edited]

The Yin Warrior is an ancient archetype, and a woman of a new and enlightened world. She is the wayshower for the many who yearn for the Feminine to re-emerge as compassionate, empathic leadership.

The Order of Life for the Yin Warrior is:
Instinct: elemental connection with her environment (her physical body being the most important environment to fully embody)
Intuition: the way that life speaks to and through her through Instinct (felt sensation) as a foundation
Interdependence: how her instincts and intuitions enable her to effectively interact with others in relationships

For too long the Yin Warrior has been asleep in our culture. The Order of Life for women has been operating backwards. Relationships are often put before all else - overriding both the impulses of Instinct and Intuition. Intuition has been overshadowed by measurable truths or mistaken for mystical fantasy. And Instinct - spoken through the physical body world - has become a vehicle in which to meet desired ends, rather than a sacred space to embody as the foundation of life.

Let's re-visit The Order of Life for the Yin Warrior through some of her many tools:

INSTINCT
A woman has a visceral knowing - being one with the earth. She understands the elemental dust from which she - and all things - arise from and return to. She embraces the body in its curvaceous celebration of the cyclical nature of form. The body is her temple and instinct is the voice of the Earth itself echoing through its walls. As the space through which life enters, she is masterful at understanding energetic landscapes and the weather patterns of the life unfolding all around her. Her body speaks volumes through sensation.

Sensation
She becomes silent enough to attend to the winds within her body and its resulting rhythms. Harmony is found in nature and her connection to it. All of life around her is Nature speaking to her. She asks: Are you listening? How is the flow of the Body World supporting your desires in the moment? Is there resistance? In which direction can your steer the vessel of your life so that flow is found again? She makes choices that yield to a rhythm her body can move through with ease. She cultivates strength by befriending grace and sensation as allies. She is a master of patience in the birth of all things.

Perhaps most importantly in this time of women-against-women... she puts down her sword of judgement once and for all. The Yin Warrior wields no weapon. She shines with an Open Heart - as it is the only "protection" she needs. When anyone (including another woman!) speaks, the Yin Warrior listens with her entire body. She overrides the cultural tendency to self-compare (attire, physique, age, etc); competition is meaningless to her. Instead she hears what is being said beneath the surface of things, using her body as a fine-tuned instrument of presence and discernment so that she may re-create harmony.

Harmony
She makes her personal well-being a first priority and a felt sensation. She asks: When something "goes wrong" in your environment, where do you go to address the disharmony? Do you frantically resist your environment outside, hoping to change your internal landscapes? What does it take to restore a sense of balance in your body and heart? The Yin Warrior cultivates self-love by taking overt actions that affirm how her life matters to her.

The Yin Warrior listens to her own rhythms and instincts first and foremost. She feels no need to criticize, gossip, or complain... for she understands all impulses rippling in and around her are mirrors through which to see herself more clearly. She looks closely in such moments, and discerns how she might care for herself and the world around her more efficiently. Through self-nurturing, she re-aligns herself with the voice of her instincts (and the environment responds with harmony in accordance with her self-love). Her god-given enchantment is nurtured on a soulular level, so any measures to adorn her physical form are meant to enhance her natural radiance.

INTUITION
A woman knows without knowing how. An inner-aligment with instinct is the foundation for intuition. Tuning in - sensing the world within and without - is the grid upon which the heart rests in its knowing.

Radiant Knowledge
The knowing of the heart is radial. It encompasses all - even the unseen - in its assessment of the moment. This is why instinct coupled with sensation is the foundation of such knowledge. Without this radial awareness, instinct becomes egocentric and blind to the whole. Fearful instincts are not considered in context, and are thus mistaken for intuitive knowing. Therefore, the Yin Warrior is firmly anchored in the body world so that she may be a conduit for knowledge of another kind.

When intuition comes, it need not be accompanied by fireworks. It creeps up in the heart of a woman, and she knows not its true source. A sudden awareness emerges - through thought, word, image, or sensation. The Yin Warrior holds this knowing up against her internal compass which measures its implications on the environment around her. Only when a confirmation responds from within does she give movement to her knowledge.

Emphatic Truth
Empathy is that which makes necessary the path of the woman as a warrior archetype in our existing culture. Empathy is the tool the Yin Warrior lives her life learning to understand. A woman who embraces her inherent gifts and is in touch with the world around her may sometimes feel bombarded with information and stimulation. Sensation is heightened and can overwhelm the body. Intuition is activated and can overwhelm the heart and mind. The Yin Warrior applies her empathic abilities to balance these tendencies, as she receives from so many sources at once. Once balanced, empathy says, I sense the energy that is present while knowing that I am she who is sensing. I do not confuse myself with the energetic environment in which I live... nor that which I interact with. I do not confuse your experience with the truth of who you are. I see behind the veils of this world; and therefore, I never lose my faith in love.

In this way, truth is welcome in a new way. The Yin Warrior speaks great truth with an ease, an acceptance, a grace. She shares what is alive inside of her without becoming lost in the experience. She comes from a place of harmony... so no matter the potency of the honesty she transmits, she is understood in her intention to create connection. She is direct and clear in her communication, but never confrontational. Connection is her starting point, and her endpoint. She is truly a conduit of love through word and action.

INTERDEPENDENCE
When instinct (physical radiance) and intuition (heart radiance) are attended to, a woman is at one with her world. It is then that relationship reveals itself Whole through her.

Partner with the Beloved He
The Yin Warrior knows that the union of Her Most Sacred Heart with the Beloved He comes first. She places her body, heart, and soul in union with the force of life... and it dances her with a graceful ease. Her life is meant to service and nurture Relationship the the All of Life, first and foremost. This is the Divine Marriage through which she will find her greatest joys and sorrows (both of which she honors and treasures for their unique gifts).

The Infinite Spaceholder
The Yin Warrior holds space through which life can happen. She is the fertile soil of the land. No matter how the fields of her heart are tended, she returns to wholeness again and again. Resilience as a concept can not do her justice. Nor the concept of the Survivor, for it implies victimhood. She is no victim, regardless of circumstance. She is the ultimate power of acceptance. Divine acceptance that sees through veils of personalities, challenges, and consequence. Her choices are sacred acts of love - each a birth of life worth celebrating to fruition. And, knowing nature, she knows this... ALL will bear fruit, in due time.

The Nurturer, she pulls all of life to her bosom in order to shed light of love.
Treat all as innocent children, she whispers.
Accept this world. Love it whole in order to change it.

I am drawn to the writings of Sufi Masters such as Hafiz. Many of these great teachers share connection with a heartfelt spirit-led way of living that defies the conceptual mind. Sufism is a mystical tradition of ancient Islam. We can dip into its essence when working towards a global unity - touching the depth of spiritual inquiry where all the lines of this world of form blur, merging into a one religion without dogma. All paths are honored when we pierce the veil of concepts and begin to know God.
 
Nevertheless, living in the world of form means embracing life and its constructs. To continue in our evolution, we wrap words around feelings and apply labels to the paths we tread. These too can be sacred acts, when we approach them with the understanding that our feelings and pathways can be treated as reflections of how connected we are to the All of Life.
 
On the SHiNE blog I recently shared my personal evolution through labels as divine signposts - shifting my focus onto a path that more accurately reflects my passion for service. (You can read more here). In essence, for too long I was asleep at the wheel. The illusion of so-called survival mode was leading me to make unconscious choices based on what I could get. I was left empty - in more ways that one. Then, again and again, I asked for guidance - I wanted to wake up. Love befriended me, and the path of ministry and service became clearer each time I sought Its counsel. I have always known my deepest desire is to walk in the world as a minister/conduit of love itself. And my greatest gift to the world is seeing - and fostering - the inherent wholeness in everyone that I mean.
 
A client recently asked me how my current business might change as a result of shift to "ministry." Would I still be available to help her with the nuts and bolts of her business plan? I was so pleased that she asked. For my hope is that SHiNE as a collection of services can redefine ministry - expanding its definition to include anything that enlivens you to more inspired and purposeful living. So my answer was "absolutely, yes!" SHiNE Ministry includes service in the form that suits your heart's calling in the moment - be it business, livelihood, parenthood, relationship, spirit-based counseling, or movement as medicine. The primary focus at the core of all SHiNE offerings: supporting you so that you might give the best of yourself in each moment.
 
And let's re-define giving while we're at it, yes?! Harmonious giving is not self-sacrificing at its deepest level. On the contrary, it relies on an awareness that honoring the self (see last month's feature article) is the foundation for authentic generosity and abundant living through giving. When we truly know ourselves, the fear of giving dissolves. The illusions of lack, separation, loss of self, competition, and victimization fall away. Freedom is truly found in giving of ourselves - from a place of wholeness.
 
This month, I invite you to give of yourself in some unique way. Step out of bounds and experience how your brilliance shared is to honor love in all its forms - in, as, and through you.

 
We make a living by what we get.
We make a life by what we give.
 Winston Churchill

Blessings,
Candice

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It's been awhile since I picked up a book that so truly spoke my language. There are so many gifted teachers out there, sharing powerful work... I am often struck by the potency a teaching. However, in this month's featured book, my appreciation was taken to the next level. I feel as though much of the knowledge that I have intuited on my own path is expressed so clearly here.

Excerpt:

We must understand that the freedom we have in free will is to align with our inner design, but we don't have the liberty to be anything other than who we're meant to become. Said another way, each of us eventually awakens to the terrifying reality that there is precious little we can truly control in life - that is, our ego is the caboose on the train of our being, and the soul is the engine that's truly in charge of our lives. The ego must humbly learn that it can only control the quality of our journey, not the destination, which was planned before we came here...

We must always be mindful of when we're seeking and chasing outer approval for our value. For the degree to which we believe in our inherent worth determines how much we can change the world through our Destiny.

I just finished watching The Moses Code, a relatively new release by director James Twyman. Take the recent hit, The Secret, and add higher consciousness including a heavy emphasis on the role of service and interdependence in spirituality. Unlike the teachings of late that have paved the way, this film is not promoting a metaphysical message focused on empowering the self... instead it emphasizes a holy message intent upon empowering the soul. The movie centers around the words revealed to Moses at the burning bush... I Am That I Am... and offers a suggestion for an entirely new way of approaching this message. I will not go into the particulars... as the purpose of this posting is not to review the movie. There is much to be said about the film... yet, I am writing from a personal place tonight.

There is an undeniable truth that I have been overlooking in my life. It helped reveal itself to me tonight, and I have decoded a perception that is a recent source of great struggle.

Pictured above is me just a few months after I arrived in Portland, over four years ago. As you can see, I looked very different then. I had very short hair... and my body was tight and brimming with muscles from the diligence of daily pushing them to their edge. This was an important season in my life. Beginning in the year 2000, the body you see above carried me through many achievements and much growth. My streamlined physique above reflected my business ethic, my single-minded ambition, and my passion at the time.

This was the true beginning of a destiny that I felt called to embody. It stemmed from a reason for being that resonated within me for as long as I can remember. And in the years from the time of that photo to now, I have witnessed the miraculous. I have watched myself inch ever-more closely to my calling (and I know this, because the voice gets louder). And the primary way that I have done this to date has been to say "yes" to pathways that have enabled me to connect to the voice within. One choice at a time, I awakened to my soul's yearning... saying yes to heartbreak as a journey to self love.... yes to an insatiable spiritual inquiry... yes to the emergence of the leader within in job after job... yes to being unpopular to others in the pursuit of my truth... yes to movement as a vehicle for unleashing my brilliance... yes to hooping as a pathway to understand what enlivens me in the presence of others. Again and again, yes has been leading me home.

Now, I find myself standing at the doorway of my mission as a messenger in this time of great love embodiment. And, suddenly, "no" has stepped in.

I have been experiencing a great paralysis. I am no longer the same driven woman in that picture above... a young soul who manifested opportunity after opportunity... businesses, clients, and projects. The one who dared to dream of a life where she could work for herself. The one who worked endlessly, blasting through to-do lists and pushing through with a warrior mindset. I am the woman on the other side of the wall she busted through. I find myself standing at the point of entry, saying: "Ah yes, now... I know what I can and must do." And... I do nothing! Much unlike this decade of movement that propelled me into the now, anything other than stillness feels false to this new me.

And so, it was today that I wondered aloud to a dear friend, "What is it that stops me from the actions towards this next creation of my soul's deepest yearning?"

The pieces are coming together now. You see, I have felt conflicted in my heart. I have always been wired in such a way that I cannot step forth on a path where my heart does not fully align. I have experienced it admiration, resentment, and utter confusion from others for this inherent trait in me. Yet, I have come to accept it in myself.

The degree to which my heart has been halting the progression of my path as an aspiring author is becoming more clear. I now understand that an old paradigm has expired, and a new one has been forming. I am unwilling to take even a step forward with a worn-out energetic that feels out of integrity with who I am destined to become.

My Destiny in this life is Service.
And the gifts that I am blessed with are not commodity or product.
They are blessed pathways that require Grace and Humility.

The old paradigm is that of the Entrepreneur. Much of its energy hinges on the question of how to take skills and talents and make them a marketable and sustainable source of sustenance in my life. This mode of being is not good or bad, as it certainly served its time in my life. Nevertheless, it has been flipped on its head over the past few months, and I see it now clear as day. I don't know yet how this will change how and what I do... but I do know that a rapid and irreversible revolution is happening with me on a soulular level.

While I am not rejecting the ways of business development as we know them to operate, I am certain that my creative energies will continue to allude me if I continue to yoke them to dollars and cents. In this new world where I see us all benefiting organically from the way in which we are destined to serve this world, a financial plan for a path of transformation feels somehow forced. Certainly, I can set objectives! Yet, I know that what I must create I must create for the sake of serving a greater good.

I must serve because service is needed.
I must give of myself because giving is the only thing that matters.

Even to me it sounds a bit idealistic. How will I pay my bills if I take a month off to write a book? How can I energetically give away my time and energy to causes that need it without room in my budget? I will not go there. I leave such miracles to God. I only know that this is the simplification (however naive) that must take place as I move forward on my path. I opened myself to God through the path of the Entrepreneur... and now the Minister is stepping in to take her place.

It is not that I believe I have to live minimally (or go without the material pleasures in life) to be great in service.... yet I do know that, for me, service must start to proceed my monetary apprehensions and needs to feel secure. I fully appreciate and honor the ways in which the business-mind is shaping my reality and providing me with liberties to have choice over what I do with my time... yet, what AM I doing with my time? This may sound dramatic but everything aside from helping others to feel the light of their brilliance within feels like a slow death to me. Too much time is spent on complex business operations and not enough on the inspirations that pulse through me in the moment.

I am taking my life back now.
I pray for the divine guidance within me to show me the way.

In recent weeks, I have become more aware than ever that I have much to learn about self-care. It's a common paradox for those of us in paths of service. Continually we encourage others to honor personal rhythms of healing, while ignoring the lights flashing in our own hearts. It's true indeed that we teach what we need to learn. I have come to notice that, quite often, in coaching sessions I am the messenger administering the medicine to us both via intuition and unexpected verbal elixirs.

It has been said before, love is an action. It is a series of choices. And so, when it comes to shining love inward, we must compassionately observe the choices that we make repeatedly throughout the day. How often are we present to what is alive in the moment? Do we sometimes override impulses to self-nurture in order to feed perceived urgencies in our environment? It takes only awareness to rewind, and re-choose.

True Self-love is hardly a singular or selfish pursuit. In actuality, it is blatantly spiritual - an act of reverence for the energy from which you came. Honor your body as a sacred temple, your mind as fertile ground for divine awareness, and your heart as a blessed antennae steadfast in rhythmic dance with all of life.

We only appreciate our good or evil
in proportion to our self-love.
François de la Rochefoucauld

It is a worthwhile practice to meditate on the quote above. It is our relationship to self-love that guides our perceptions in life. Take any event in your life and hold it inward in your awareness. If the light of self-love is dimly lit, you may see yourself as a victim of circumstances. Lack of light may taint your view of What-Simply-Is to incorporate a poor self-image, feeding inner drama and suffering. Depressing stories are built - not upon circumstances - but upon forgetfulness of the Brilliance within.

If, however, you have access to the abundance of light inside...if you see yourself as an essential aspect of the light of goodness, suddenly the world around you looks much different. You will see that each and every response to circumstance is built upon the choice that you make in the moment. Heightened self-love results in acceptance and self-empowerment, and both are unattached to storytelling as a means to justify feeling good. Loving the light within is timeless and unconditional with practice, regardless of what happened "once upon a time."

Investing in mini-acts of self-love is the greatest gift that you can give to those around you. Over time you see that your inner light needs to be fed with awareness in order for you to give the best of you to others. So take that walk in the park in the middle of the day, feed yourself healthy perpectives, and surely it can't hurt to give yourself a hug from time-to-time. In re-igniting your bliss, you become evermore committed to passing it along:

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." - Buddha

Reaching my Light to yours,
Candice

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SHiNE Couples Coaching with Candice Schutter
Practice Presence in a Loving Container for Conscious Communication

An intimate relationship is meant to be an environment where the best of you is witnessed, reflected, and fostered. Yet, over time we too often become entrenched in the stagnancy of a comfort zone, and we lose sight of the ever-changing needs that are alive and real in the moment. Basing our awareness on the past, we make countless assumptions - thinking that our knowledge of our mate is complete and without flaw. In doing so, we miss out on the potential for heartfelt connection in the present.

SHiNE Couples Coaching is a container in which you and your partner can be fully present for one another. Candice will offer many tools and assist you to:
- Identify Energy Leaks present in your communications
- Balance heart-centered talks with Empty Listening
- Create tangible strategies to foster connection daily
- Differentiate your journeys to become singular souls on a shared journey of learning and transformation

FREE 60-min coaching session for 1st time clients.
Contact Us to book your session.

It seems that these late night hours are a waking window, post-sessions on Monday nights. Something unique happens to me each week... suddenly this day holds a certain resonance. Perhaps knowing that I will be serving others (by holding a space for awakening) is a catalyst for a dormant energy within me. Today, I have needed not food or sleep. Each meal that I ate was a conscious act - versus a response to hunger. I have felt full all day... and now feel awake though coming out of a very full day. Something is alive in me through the act of community and service.

Tonight's teachings were well-delivered by Tolle. I found the webinar to be extremely insightful and rich with insight. So much that was said reminded me how important it is to be develop workbook materials that offer tangible tools to embodiment of these lofty concepts. Ideas that I have had to generate materials are now alive in me... SHiNE Body, Sensation Matters, and a Conscious Communication Handbook (just to name a few)... all as ripe and ready tools to refine and share.

Our post-class session was remarkable. Such connection results from willingness to share ourselves from this heightened state of presence. I was moved by each and every person in the circle tonight in some very specific way. I am grateful to all who attended... and anxious to see those absent faces once again. And... lucky me... I get to do this again tomorrow evening with yet another group of new faces. What a blessing. Off to ride this wakefulness to sleepytime...

Breath and Smiles to you.
:-)

The subtitle of this wonderful work is... Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. After nearly three solid hours spent focusing on this work tonight, it seems my being seems to have taken these words quite literally. It is 1:30am, and I am awake with eyes (and mind) wide open.

This work is not new to me, as I read the book when it was first released a couple of years ago. However, integrating the material comes in doses over time. I am pleased to be revisiting concepts in order to make them so much more - ways of being in my life. What is most powerful to me in the relevance of this subtitle (aside from my unusual alertness at such an odd hour), is the way in which I feel that much more awake to my life's purpose. Holding space for tonight's SHiNE Circle very much meets me on my path of service. I am absolutely blissful uniting others with the brilliance alive within. And to do this in the company of 10 beautiful souls... on this night... with over 500,000 people all over the world in attendance plugged into the same frequency!... Ah well... it is nothing short of a miracle in my heart, and a perfect outpicturing of the job of my dreams, in my very home. I am exactly where I am meant to be. And I am grateful.

This is an exciting time to be alive. Such a global awakening we have never seen before... and I have felt this time approaching for as long as I can remember. The world is finally ripe (a critical mass of us, at least) to live in the way that God intended us. Conscious, self-aware, respons-ible to body and earth. And we must unite, collaborate, and help one another to meet our grandest vision of who we can yet become as a species. We are not meant to do it alone. Individually, we must awaken. Yet it is together that we learn to walk in the world with eyes open. I am so blessed to be a part of this Age of Enlightenment.

May you find Peace in the moment as a gift to your human friends worldwide. Consciousness is an inside job with a outside to match.

Blessings to Love to you.

 
It is a rare and most precious gift. Friendship. To give it is an honor - friendship teaches us how to be present and unconditional with another like us. To receive it is an art - to allow another to peer into our hearts requires a surrendering to self-love.

Whether it's talking with clients or holding space for community in a class, I see the power of connection at work. There is no greater expression of divinity than opening our heart to another. When we offer ourselves in communion with others, it is our purity that determines the degree of reciprocity. Empathy (I see You) coupled with Honesty (You see Me) creates a brilliant synthesis that transcends the drama of any given moment.

Many of us (myself included) are sometimes afraid of true connection. Our vulnerability is our best kept secret, and so we reach out in our communications with a facade of togetherness. Or better yet, a misrepresentation of where we are in the moment. We are drained by interactions because holding ourselves hostage is exhausting. Such instances most often happen on subtle levels. Consider an interaction with a grocery store clerk where a smile is forced and - How are you?...Fine, thanks - is as routine as our form of payment. You might say, but I don't even know that person! Ah, but you know what it is to be human. You know that the desire for connection is universal. And if you take a single instance (and by the way, time stands still when eyes lock) to reach forth with authenticity, you will receive the salve of oneness - a transparency that unites and heals us from the inside out.

Consider your friendships a training ground for true connection. Authenticity, vulnerability, and generosity are potent powers that can be cultivated in a loving friendship. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by loving and conscious friends, committed to sharing in the journey towards expressing the Highest Love.

Become your own best friend this month by welcoming the many aspects of you into your awareness. If you should feel moved to, join us on Monday evenings as we share in the journey of A New Earth. This is a rare opportunity to self-reflect through a 10-week course designed to awake us in order to know ourselves better. I am committed to holding a space where you can be you, raw and true. Bring your joys and your fears, thePortal is vast, expansive, and most potent when authenticity is present.

No matter who you are and what your challenges, I see you whole. I see your divinity, and I see your purpose. And, I consider you a friend.

My Door Is Always Open,
Candice

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I am so excited about this book for two reasons:
1) It is written by one of my favorite authors and teachers
2) It speaks directly to an issue near and dear to my heart... the misrepresentation of the Law of Attraction and how to take metaphysical teachings to a Higher Plane.

I myself have just started reading it, yet feel confident in the basic premise... one that echoes many of my earlier blog postings. It is time for us to mature in our approach to manifestation, metaphysics, and what it is to be a creative being. Reaching beyond the ego, into a Higher Realm of expressing our power in this world. I look forward to curling up in bed tonight with this book... and I hope you will check it out as well.

And by the way, I am quite certain it echoes with a similar resonance as that within my own heart. The opening page is a quote:

God says for me to tell you this:

Nothing needs fixing;
everything desires A Celebration.
You were made to bend
so that you could discover
all of the many Miracles
at your feet.
You were made to stretch
so that you could find
Your Own Beautiful Face of Heaven

just above

all that you think you must shoulder.

When I appeal to God
to speak to me,
I am feeling just as small
and alone
as you are.
But this is when
for no good reason at all,

I begin to Shine.

(Begin to Shine - 2007 m. Claire)

More Info on Happier With God

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. This is a book that I picked up nearly two years ago, when it was first released. The degree to which the pages are earmarked and inked is a testament to what a treasured resource it continues to be on my spiritual path. I was thrilled when I learned that Oprah Winfrey has joined forces with Eckhart Tolle. They will be sharing this extraordinary work worldwide through a 10-week interactive webinar. - Candice

Creating a New Earth is a Community Event. Join Us.
Our community has the opportunity to be an active participant in a global force, led by Eckhart Tolle and Oprah Winfrey. Join Life Coach and Joyful Visionary, Candice Schutter, as she opens her home studio to a gathering of those interested in experiencing the power of collective awakening. Candice will help facilitate exploration of the depths of this work in a weekly offering - equal parts coaching and community book discussion. We will gather as a group to attend the online class LIVE, and then stick around to discuss our experiences. This is a donation-only community event.

A New Earth  SHiNE Circle
Group Coaching & Discussion Group
the SHiNE Portal - NE Portland
Mondays, March 3 - May 5
6:00pm to 8:30pm
6:00pm Webinar (view together)
7:30pm Refreshments & Discussion

Just 3 Easy Steps:

1
SIGN UP ONLINE
at Oprah.com for the online webinar and access to workbook supplements.

2
RSVP to SHiNE
Email us to let use know you plan to attend. Space is limited, so act now.

3
AWAKEN in COMMUNITY
Read each week’s assigned chapters and join us on Monday nights to share in the experience.

Donation Only Event
Please RSVP prior to attending

I have learned much from my work as a SHiNE Agent. As a teacher, guide, and coach facilitating brilliance in others, I have come face-to-face with myself. Sometimes with joy, other times with apprehension . In 2008, I am focusing on walking the talk even more, as I work (and play) hard to unleash the latent powers that lie dormant within. I am pleased to note that, this year, I myself have a coach and mentor to assist me on my journey to a more rich and fulfilling expression of how Brilliance works through me.

Becoming the client again has reminded me of the courage that it takes to reach out for support. Through my work, I learn more and more that the desire to be acknowledged for our deepest essence is inherent and universal. Nature intended that we create a web of brilliant support around us to nourish our growth. Thus, when our pride keeps us from reaching out for connection with others, it does us a great disservice. It often leads us to the most tragic disconnection that can happen - disconnection with the divine spark within.

The majority of my students and clients are women. This month being the month of love, I feel compelled to reach out to each one of you with a brilliant reminder. You are an essential aspect of a Radiant and Powerful Energy that deserves to be praised and worshipped daily! Worshipped? By who? Well, by YOU, of course!

If you aren't sure how to gift yourself with the awareness of self-love and put it into action in your life, we can help. I invite you to attend a class or schedule a coaching session soon. I am always honored to facilitate a container for recognition, self-celebration, right action, and praise. You are a perfect and essential facet of the Divine Brilliance alive in all of us. Self-love, when understood in its purity, is far from an egoic pursuit. It is the recognition of Oneness, not separation, that activates our SHiNE. Let's work together to remind one another, yes?

In 2008, I am more committed than ever to serving you through a new program: The SHiNE Ministry. Visit my blog to tag along as I experience various spiritual communities, reporting on brilliant outlets in the Portland area. Or, join me for a class, coaching session, or New Earth SHiNE Circle in the coming weeks.

I look forward to seeing you soon.

With Love,
Candice

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This year, I have set an intention to visit various spiritual communities. This past Sunday, Daniel and I attended an offering at Maitripa Institute. The wise and internationally recognized Yangsi Rinpoche led a small group of us in a two-hour Tibetan Buddhist dharma talk and practice. It was lovely. There were around a dozen of us seated on meditation cushions before him and a gorgeous and elaborate altar that spread from one wall to the other.

When he entered, we stood out of respect. The Rinpoche then led us in chanting through three prostrations to the altar. Once he turned to face us, we followed the group (clearly his students) as we offered this respected teacher three more full prostrations. Each time, forehead to earth, we honored him with gratitude. Recognizing some new faces in the crowd, he spoke to this practice first. He explained that the gesture of bowing is meant to place the mind in the state of devotion. While we bow before our teacher, it is not about the personality that we bow before. It is instead to bless he whom to the teaching comes through. I am familiar with prostration as a practice, and feel happy to lay my ego at the feet of another - as long as I trust the guidance he or she may provide. I understand that I may choose to graciously decline any teaching as soon as it no longer serves my highest good. It took me some time, but once I came to know this, I became free to truly receive from others in my practice.

The two-hours that followed consisted of combined prayer and chanting. This interspersed with the Rinpoche's teachings of Tibetan Buddhism. My favorite moments were those in which his face exploded with joy. The many laugh lines appearing on his face at the bloom of a smile is enough to make one who doubts reincarnation a believer. Could one lifetime truly fill so much joy into one smile! Ah well, with a smile like that, there is very certainly much to be learned from this humble monk.

We ended with more chanting. I love the rhythms in Tibetan chanting. Each prayer was like a song. Some in Tibet, others in English... no matter the language, they held a similar resonance.

I recommend Maitripa as a place to experience Buddhist practice in action. Be prepared to sit for long periods of time... and be willing to follow the lead of those around you through practices that might feel somewhat foreign. A beautiful environment to connect with the essence of just one aspect of Tibetan culture. Thanks to places like Maitripa, it will never be lost.

Visit Maitripa online

What is My SHiNE Ministry?
You can view all My SHiNE Ministry entries in the blog archive (see sidebar).

Many of us have a burning desire within us that is hidden. I don't mean a desire of the body world (such as in the acquisition of things). Rather, I mean a way of being that we feel somehow called to. I am making mine known and public now.

Deep within, I consider myself a Minister in the making. A messenger of spiritual matters. One who brings heaven to earth via word, thought, and deed. I aspire to become the Priestess.

For a time, I sought out ways in which to embody this... each resulting in an ill-fit. I explored education: a Masters in Divinity would give me credibility, sure. But am I not interested in being a religious scholar. I thought perhaps I needed to find a religious organization to represent and become ordained through. This, too, confused me as I am a Minister of The Spirit of Many, not any one religion or doctrine of practice. Part of what draws me to represent this spiritual re-education in our culture is the way in which I can always see the brilliance (and overlap) in the many religions out there. How does one minister as a representative of the core essence of all religions? There is only one way that I can see to do so. To walk the talk as best I can.

Over time, I have decided to venture out on a Spiritual Apprenticeship of my own making. In 2008, I will be sharing my journeys with you. I will continue visiting various spiritual circles... I have done this intermittently for the past 4 years since I first moved to Portland. Now I will begin to share my experiences with you. I hope to highlight the aspects of each experience that truly ignite spiritual brilliance in me. By experiencing the gift of each practice, and sharing them with you as a service, I am a Minister in Training.

May 2008 lead me to the fulfillment of a life-long desire. My SHiNE Ministry is born.

You can view all My SHiNE Ministry entries in the blog archive (see sidebar).

In February, it will be two years now that I have been hooping. Therefore, I feel it's high time to reflect on the past couple of years, and to offer a heartfelt shout out to some extraordinary hoop colleagues and friends.

I want to express my gratitude to Jasmine, my soul sister and friend who first introduced me to the hoop. She also inducted me into the world of teaching hoopdance, and the conception of HoopShine is owed to her. Jasmine, because of you, I am a better friend. Thank you for teaching me about truth, radiance, and integrity daily. You are like no other.

Also, to the whirlyGirlz (Jasmine, Holly, Keri, and Cara), who are an amazing group of women that I have had the pleasure of hanging with in and out of spin time. Thank you for your endless inspiration, creativity, and sharing of brilliance.

Christabel Zamor, a powerful and radiant angel in the flesh who is one of my many life guides in disguise. Thank you for inviting me into the world of HoopGirl to add what I have to bring. I have gained so much from our time spent together. Together, we have created a new paradigm that I hope we can bring to life in more of the world - what is it to collaborate fully without diluting any part of oneself. It is pure magic teaching with you. I look forward to future adventures facilitating together in and outside of the hoop.

Jonathan Baxter, you are the hoop shaman that made me realize what was missing. Thank you (and Ann) for all that The HoopPath brings to life in so many of us. You are a messenger of the highest, for you have allowed your uniqueness to create something unparalleled. May you experience the sense of freedom that you gift to so many.

HoopShine students, agents, and friends... YOU are truly what it is all about for me. Serving you is my joy. It is you that get me into the hoop on a regular basis. It is through your presence that the hoop speaks through me. Thank you for trusting me to hold the larger hoop around us all.

For some time, I did internal battle with the fact that I was a hooper didn't really fit in the hooping world. As a hoopdance performer, I experimented. I adorned myself in costumes that didn't resonate with my being. I attended festivals and events that I felt should excite me more than they did. It has been a bit confusing really. Paradoxically, I am extremely drawn to inspiring people (many of those listed above) who have interests so different from my own. I fought the urge to become something I am not... but in the end, I chose to accept my variance in desires and do only what moves me. It has worked beautifully, for it instills a sense of self-love that is honorable to my heart. And, these inspiring individuals are all the more inspiring for the ways in which they respect and honor my uniqueness. I appreciate having such healthy and balanced relationships all around me.

I have come to understand that I am a Teacher and Guide above all else. The hoop is one of many glorious vehicles through which I can learn about (and share) the messages that come through me. And it is likely that the hoop's presence will likely wax and wane in my life. I am willing to be present to the now, as the hoop constantly urges me to be. And I am no longer anxious to be other than that which I am... or to echo someone else's practice.

I share all this to remind you to always follow the path of your own heart.
Make your practice personal. Do what moves you.
Hoop for you! After all, it's built for one, yes?
:-)

I have been thinking a lot about body conditioning. You might think that I am referring to the many actions that we take to bring the physical body to its optimal state of performance. No, today I speak of something closer to my heart. I am in awe of our cultural conditioning and our conditional acceptance of the body as whole, functional, and perfect.

Last night, I stood in front of the mirror and witnessed my ego lash out venemously at my body. All in all, the winter months have been very good to me. I have a beautiful and cozy new home, a loving relationship of renewed balance, and a feeling of contentment I have never known. And, I have gained 10-15 pounds.

Our new home has only a very small mirror in the upstairs bathroom where I shower and primp each day. As a result, I rarely see my full reflection naked. I have certainly noticed the shift in my activity level (a common cycle for me in the cold months, while also a function of some professional shifts). My clothes fit differently, for sure. But I was, nevertheless, a bit shocked when I stood on the bed to catch a glimpse of my new fullness in the mirror above my dresser. Now I don't mean to place value judgments. The truth is, I really do see beauty in many different body shapes and sizes in women all around me. So why is it that the ruler against which I measure myself is so different?!

In 2001, I was miserable in my body. I had been managing a restaurant 60 hours a week for far too long. I was eating poorly, and had little to no physical stamina. I was fed up, and hungry in the spirit. I left my job and moved to Boulder, Colorado. It was there that I stepped into my first Nia class. I was completely hooked from the get-go. For over a year, I did Nia every single day. I couldn't move enough. I obtained my white belt, began teaching, and soon added regular qigong and yoga practice to the mix. I was suddenly addicted to movement and the flow of chi through my body. I was a physical machine.

Naturally, my body changed dramatically. At the height of this athletic phase in my development my body was thin, taunt, and very strong. While this may have been my initial aim, I was oddly unaffected by it. I just wanted to move, plain and simple. The new shape my movement took was just a convenient by-product. I took it completely for granted. It was easy to rarely think about it given that the conditions for my conditional body-love were more ideal at that time than they had every been. My body condition was such that, most of the time, I could conditionally accept it. No problem.

It wasn't until I moved to Oregon that everything changed. Over the past 4 years, life conditions have gradually led to less to less movement. As the Coach in me has become more activated, the Athlete has grown disinterested. For months upon months, I forced myself to teach Nia, even though I feel in my heart I have outgrown it as a teaching practice. In mid-December of 2007, I finally left my regular teaching practice.

In the summer of 2006, when the hoop entered my life, I experienced another burst of the physical. I rode the wave of newness and performance for a time, yet the hooping world - full of amazing individuals whom I love! - is, quite simply, a unique culture that I don't always resonate with as a lifestyle. I have yet to fully find my place in it outside of the classroom. Teaching Hoopdance has given me a new vehicle to explore via the body, yet still, I am called to do it less and less over time.

I am coming to accept that I am teacher above all else. My mediums are likely to shift and change throughout my life, that this I must allow. And so, my body condition has changed with the seasons of my heart.

Ironically, at this new weight, I am more grounded and stable than ever. Eating meat and honoring my body's natural rhythms (no longer pushing it to its edge every day) has been the greatest act of self-love. It has occurred to me that perhaps my ego's ideal body shape is not that which my body and spirit responds to best. At least at this moment in time. And my heart - the mediator between body and mind - is meant to foster the unity of self-acceptance.

I want to reiterate the recommended reading for July 2007, Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. I am revisiting it now. It is a beautifully-crafted book that teaches us how to embrace each moment in time with love and gratitude. Read it again and again.

May your most important body condition be acceptance.
Namaste.

It's easy to judge your brilliance as nothing special...for you can't possibly see it clearly. Imagine asking the sun to see it's own light. What light? How can I separate from what I am enough to see it?

A friend and colleague of mine recently shared with me a practice that she did in school as a child. They called it carrying your ilac card. At the beginning of the day, each student received a card that read: I love and care for myself. As they moved through the rest of their day, they were told to tear away pieces of the card whenever they thought, said, or did something that tore away at their sense of self-love. It proved to be an insightful practice, no doubt. The best part? Each day they would receive a new, untainted card to keep whole again.

When I ponder our culture's collective approach to the new year, it seems to me that we are issued an ilac card each January 1st. As a result, resolutions are defined and courses set for new destinations. Yet, what happens when we slip a bit...when a split-second choice tears away at our resolve? Do we hang our heads in despair?...or do we approach each day with wholeness in our hearts?

This year, I invite you to commit to a year of love, nuturing, and forgiveness. Your very essence is coded to be different than those around you. Discovering a path that works for you is a journey that demands diligence and perserverence. Your goal is not too be perfect...but to purrrfect the choices you make to serve you better over time. In order to do that, you become a deliberate observer. Notice which choices tear away at you time and time again, and reclaim your personal power to SHiNE by loving yourself whole again. It's a simple path - one choice at a time. And help is only a scroll away.

Begin Again... and Again... and Again,
Candice

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Each year at this time, I spend time in healthy self-reflection. This December, I am quite humbled by the manner in which blessings, revelations, and understanding have be revealed to me in the past year. It is the unexpected challenges (or opportunities in disguise) that I am most grateful for. It has been a practical reminder that I have a choice - to resist or force static conditions...or to allow my life to be orchestrated by something much larger than me. Something that always - and in all ways - has my greatest good in store. Don't get me wrong...I know what I want. And I take actions towards that end each day. But what about where I am right now. Is it not paving the way perfectly? Is not the present moment a gift, a desire fulfilled in some way? I respond with an emphatic YES!...even when I am unable to explain how. It's not up to me to solve such Mysteries. Only to learn to live and swim within the vast expanse of the Unknown...and to yield to the scope of a Higher Vantage Point beyond.

Looking for a sign from your brilliance?

Give right of way to your SHiNE this holiday season...

Warm Holiday Blessings,
Candice

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A colleague and friend recently recommended this book to me... I am just getting around to reading it. I am only a quarter of the way through it; yet, I am fully enjoying the energy with which it is written. You can read lengthy reviews (and excerpts) on Amazon - see link below. In short, I consider it upbeat and inspiring tool the path to unleashing our brilliance.

Click Here for More Info on The Other 90 Percent.

Do you have recommendations for other brilliant resources?
I want to know about them! Email SHiNE

Today, I was gifted this stunning, limited-edition print by DeGrazia. I can hardly wait to get home and frame it... it so wonderfully captures the magic of the hoop. The DeGrazia Gallery was home to Ted and his wife Marion. Both created exceptional art within the walls of the studio. Yet, what stuck me as most precious was the love and creativity that they put into the grounds in which they lived. Touring the place is like walking in a desert painting, alive with color and the native american spirit of serving the whole.

I was reminded how the hoop is a symbol for that wholeness... of unity... this weekend. Our Thanksgiving celebration was at Daniel's uncle's home in Scottsdale. This was my first time meeting this side of the family. They were all so warm and welcoming. One of the highlights of the evening was after dinner. I had a hoop in the rental car. Upon the urging of the group, we brought it out for a demonstration. I made sure that everyone else had a chance in the hoop first. Daniel's younger brother, Nathan, is a good sport. He jumped in first... followed by Daniel... his stepmom... then aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was immediate joy bursting from the seams! I gazed around in awe as the entire family was bathed in contagious laughter. And I remembered why this simple service that I offer is so potent.

The Circle.
It brings people together.
By its very nature, it unites.
And for its simple teachings, I am grateful.

When I was searching for an image of the above print to share with you, I ran across this poem. I hope you enjoy it as I did. And I hope that you find yourself in a circle dance of your own, sometime soon.
:-)

Hoop Dancer
(Based on the painting by Ted De Grazia)

A stream of light flows in circles around me.
Hoops and halos surround my body,
as I reach through each center with a dancing limb.
My pointed foot draws a blue circle
while my outstretched hand
paints a swirl of bright yellow.

I am the hoop dancer.
I carve a story into the night air,
as I move in rhythms,
that make my heart pump stronger
and my skin tremble with pure knowledge.

The lyrical notes fall all at once
from the dark, speckled sky.
They come crashing in waves,
and jingle at my beaded, fringed ankles.
Movement creates a limitless space between
my feet and the dry, crumbled earth beneath.
The hoops are as light as the air itself.
They raise me up and I am in flight.
Each circle is a galaxy –
each waving feather in my headdress
creates the stardust that lights up the world around me
so that my body is the bonfire –
aglow with a story.
It is the narrative of the hoop.

Cristina M. R. Norcross
August 2, 2006

Yesterday we hiked 10 miles... a journey into Sabino Canyon just outside of Tucson, Arizona. This is by far the best photo taken of Daniel and I on the mountain side. The desert is so majestic and beautiful. It's like walking in another world.

We are here visiting Daniel's family (his Dad's side) for the Thanksgiving holiday. The sunny skies... and the warm, dry air is medicinal to my body and spirit. I forget how much pleasure I feel in the silent pathways along a mountainside... blazing towards the summit. There is a meditation in walking a trail that is unparalleled. The first half hour or so, there is an effort to it. The body, like an engine, warming up and readying itself for the road ahead. Then it happens. The zone in which the body and nature become one... and the mountain seems to move me.

As I was traversing my way down the trail, I noticed my legs feeling that lovely warm, rubbery sensation. I began to pick up speed and hop and skip... up and down... in and out of the miniature mazes created by fallen rock. The subtle muscle fatigue caused me to slip now and then. I did the dance of regaining center each time (something that I secretly relish in). One such time, Daniel was behind me, and he cautioned me with care. Then added playful, "you're so graceful, baby." I smiled... then I heard myself say:

"Grace is in how your recover; it's not about what happens along the way." And as I continued to walk, I contemplated these words and settled upon their truth, for me, at this moment in my journey.

Nature has a mysterious medicine that can be heard with the ears of silence.
Here's to more adventures in Her landscapes!

Faith (according to Wikipedia):
To commit oneself to act based on sufficient evidence to warrant belief, but without absolute proof. Mere belief on the basis of evidence is not faith. To have faith involves an act of will.

Today I spent some time talking with a very dear friend regarding some changes developing in her life. As I listened to her story, I reflected on how much is unknown in the unfolding of our lives. As humans, we are most comfortable with some degree of predictability in our everyday. When that sense of order is challenged, we can sometimes feel like we are in the midst of a great ocean without sight of the shore. What should I do? Where am I headed? And how will I know when I get there?!, we wonder.

I am definitely a black sheep in my family... yet really in the best possible way. My relatives often wonder at the way I choose to live my life. I have made the conscious choice to sacrifice certain securities for a those uncertain. While many of the conditions of my life have fluctuated considerably over the years, the one security that matters most to me (while it may be briefly forgotten from time to time) is never truly threatened. It resides deep within my heart. It is FAITH. Faith in the Brilliance that guides my life. It is the "SH NE" that "i" am surrounded by.

Recent events have actually challenged the faith that is my trusted foundation. Given the recent evolution in my most intimate relationship (with a man whom I love dearly), Brilliance has taught me a very valuable lesson. I am realizing that, all too often, I have prematurely assigned my faith inappropriately. Upon reflection, I see that I have placed my faith in a condition (such as: a particular job, relationship, or source of inspiration)... leading me to be repeatedly baffled when I outgrow it. At other times, I have placed my faith in those people close to me, sometimes experiencing confusion (or even resentment) when their desires no longer align with mine.

This became obvious in recent days as I felt a nagging anxiousness... wondering if a particular condition that I have invested my faith in will serve me in the end. Placing my faith in this uncertain outcome, I felt insecure and afraid. How could faith feel so fickle?! Today it became clear... to place attachment to something or someone outside of me is an illusion of control masquerading as faith.

When I look around at the Great Unknown of my life, I can sometimes feel a great sense of overwhelm. At those times, I find myself looking for something (or someone) to bring me a sense of security, safety, and a sense of control over my destiny. Yet, I know better. Born a black sheep, I know to trust the one thing that is certain...

Therefore, I am choosing to actively place faith in the Unknown. Yes... by definition faith dares me to place my trust in the one thing that I truly believe always and in all ways will lead me to my greatest good: paradoxically, that which is far outside the scope of my understanding. Now THAT I believe in.

You see, for me, faith defies reason. And it is with an irrational certainty that I find the greatest sense of Peace in my heart and mind. Call me crazy... call me naive... call me what you will. Meanwhile, I call upon the Love that I believe in above all else.

Faith is Freedom. It is true liberation to know that you are secure in every way that matters in the end. And so I choose to dip inside for a Freedom that is attached to no-thing and no-one. I will do my best to love others with more Freedom... without need to hold on to any condition, person, relationship, or outcome. I will move towards what moves me with a heart faithful in its trajectory.

There is only one thing that I commit to holding onto.... the Loving Hand that guides me gently along this joyful path of self-discovery.

When I woke, I told Daniel (my partner in home and life) what I had just experienced. He listened intently, as he does so well. Then he added with surprise that we had dreamed the same! He had just woken from a dream where I had stepped in a campfire! He was yelling to me to pull my foot out quickly. In his dream, my pant leg had caught fire. He was concerned for my safety.

It was as if he penetrated my own dream world to be the man who cautioned me; as he was simultaneously receiving the same message. And interesting that in his dream the fire was burning hot. In my waking world, he is often urging me to slow down and sees fires burning wild in me when I am not fully aware. I am grateful to him as a witness.

In that same dream, I was running around the campsite holding a very small and sweet turtle in my hand. It was so small that I could hold it with my thumb and forefingers. I had been told to represent the turtle in a fight against another animal who was much bigger and faster. I remember feeling anxiety that this kind, slow-moving creature would be placed up against such a senseless challenge. I was struck by its continual pleas for help... as it would stretch out its head and cry out before retreating again and again into its shell for protection. I telepathically urged it to stay inside! but it kept crying out for help.

So I say to whatever Dream Guides may be out there... I am heeding your call. The message of the fire delivered through both Daniel and I is undeniably something to be mindful of. And the Medicine of the Turtle fits into this mix perfectly. I am grateful to that little guy in my dream!

TURTLE MEDICINE
http://morningstar.netfirms.com/turtle.html

Affirmation for Turtle Medicine:
"I am open to moving with the waters of life that I may find my true place and fulfillment."

When Turtle appears and for those who carry this medicine, it is also important that we have patience and act only when we feel the time is right for us to do so. Turtles themselves are slow moving and do have slow metabolisms. Yet because of their slow movement they are much more aware of what is going on around them! We can call upon this energy to help become more aware of our own surroundings and thus be better able to grab and act upon opportunities that we might otherwise have missed if we were hurtling along at a more frenetic pace!

Faster is not always better, if one moves too quickly, attention to minor details may be passed over resulting in a loss of opportunity because one was not better prepared or one may fail to notice that an even more fulfilling door was opening. Our world has become so solar, everyone feeling the push to constantly act and do rather than sit and just be and know that from time to time, thats precisely what we need to be doing. Yet as a very wise person once said, "we are Human BE-ings, not Human Do-ings!"

Other things that may be important for you when Turtle appears :
- A successful completion of one phase leads to a new cycle of opportunity opening for you.
- Greater Success and Recognition for hard work and painstaking effort.
- A sense of willingness to begin anew after a cycle of pain or hardship.
- Feeling more connected with the flow of the Universe or having a sense of your own personal cosmic mission.
- International travel or business success.
- A Change of job or residence, sometimes via a promotion that leads to needing to change one's residence.
- Anything that requires patience, hard work, attention to details or is very long term is wonderful to start at this time.

TURTLE
http://www.geocities.com/tammlynn/turtle.htm

The turtle is a shore creature, using the land and the water. All shore areas are associated with doorways to the Faerie Realm. The turtle is sometimes known as the keeper to the doors. Turtles thus were often seen as signs of fairy contact and the promise of fairy rewards.

 In Nigeria, the turtle was a symbol of the female sex organs and sexuality. To the Native Americans, it was associated with the lunar cycle, menstruation, and the power of the female energies. The markings and sections on some turtles total thirteen. In the lunar calendar, there are either thirteen full moons or thirteen new moons alternating each year. Many believe this is where the association with the female energies originated. Turtle is the symbol of the primal mother.

[Interestingly, I had started my moon in the middle of the night, just prior to having this dream.]

If turtle has shown up in your life, it is time to get connected to your most primal essence. Go within your shell and come out when your ideas are ready to be expressed. It is time to recgonize that there is an abundance out there for you. It doesn't have to be gotten quickly and immediately. Take your time and let the natural flow work for you. Too much, too soon, can upset the balance. Turtle reminds us that we all need for all that we do is available to use, if we approach it in the right manner and time.

I love the idea of a remniscent and grateful heart. I could reflect volumes on what the heart has led me to know in my short life. It is upon its urgings that I continually traverse the majestic mountain of my spirit's longing. And the ever-more expansive views continually take my breath away! This month, I sit in silent celebration of the imprints of self-love that gratitude has left deep within my heart.

I looked up the etymology of the word gratitude. There are many derivations listed...however, I am most struck by the root of the word as: grace, to welcome. How much of the time do we graciously welcome the remarkable conditions of our life? Do we fight with tooth and nail to change them so that we might find peace in our hearts (chasing the dragon for days, months, years at a time)? Or do we look deeply within out hearts, invite gratitude, and welcome the path that is revealing us one glorious petal at a time? I commit to choosing the latter more often. While I do understand gratitude to be an agent of creation (modern metaphysics teaches us to give thanks in advance for that which our heart desires)...I am more inclined to feel an authentic and divine buzz of appreciation when I allow my heart to remember, notice, and celebrate the many miracles of everyday magic in my current reality. It is in this space that I feel my heart SHiNE with gratitude and remembrance.

In coaching sessions and teacher trainings, I often hear myself reminding clients to reframe their perspectives. I witness that we are often cynical in our approach to our life circumstances. Yet, by consciously shifting our vantage point from one of critical perplexity and resistance to curious wonder and acceptance, we create a space for gratitude to emerge.

Invite Wonder. Embrace Gratitude.
Not for what it might bring you to do so,
but for all that your heart already possesses in the simple act of holding you close.

With Wonder-filled Gratitude,
Candice

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In a session today with a client, I had another realization regarding The Law of Attraction... and another reason why I experience some dissonance within when I read some of the popular conceptions about it. (This posting is one in a continual thread - See The Law of Attraction in the archives for more).

My heart tells me that there is a Force that guides my life. It is a Love beyond measure, and within it contains the Potentiality of my greatest good. I trust in this Guidance as, over the course of my life, I have learned that its Infinite Wisdom far exceeds mine. While I can dip into Its vastness in moments of clarity, I cannot pretend to comprehend Its Intelligence. I am but a small twinkle, a reflection on a body of water larger than any concept that a mind that rests in it can hold.

I have impulses and fleeting desires in the every-changing seasons of my life... and I may buzz within my very physical being (my cells) in order to bring forth experiences that I want. Such is the Law of Attraction at work. And yes... I experience one level of fulfillment; yet, my spirit may remains hungry. Why? Because I make the human fallacy to think that I actually know what's best for me on the highest levels. Perhaps I do. Perhaps at other times, I don't. But I am beginning to wonder...

What if I don't need to know?!

Today it occurred to me clear as day: What if in all this metaphysical mumbo jumbo, we have it all backwards?! What if I lived a life where it's really not up to me what will bring me the most joy, the most fulfillment, or the biggest paycheck?

Let's look at it in relationship to SHiNE.

The Law of Attraction = my desires are available to me to the degree with which I align with them. I pull my heart's deepest desires to me via my feel good vibration. = Some Effort To Feel Good


The Law of Attracting Fulfillment = true fulfillment is available to me to the degree with which I align with that which I am naturally most attracted to. My heart's deepest desires pull me towards a life where I am living my greatest good IF I am willing to allow my passions to guide me. = Little Effort To Feel Good

WHAT IF it's not that I need to learn to feel good in order to attract my greater good (whatever I think that might be)?... but instead, that by moving towards what inherently feels good I am, by perfect design, moving towards the greater good that already Life has in store for me. What if I just need to let go of the controls?

How is this different? It is subtle shift of awareness, sure... nevertheless, a liberating one! I don't have to magnetize my desires to me... my most heartfelt desires magnetize ME into Perfect Being. This is at the heart of the work of unleashing SHiNE.

For years a held a vision for the life that I desired. I had an picture of how I thought that would look... the specific pieces necessary to complete the puzzle, creating the image of fulfillment that I had in mind. In the career realm, I moved into a variety of positions that made sense and did everything that I could to make each piece of the puzzle to fit. I fought to feel good in circumstances that didn't. I battled with my mind that urged me to stay, even though my spirit withered. I created struggle when all that I longed for what ease in my heart. Eventually, again and again, I fell to my knees in despair and uttered a plea of surrender. It was then that my life transformed. When I said, "That's it! I give up!! I will stop trying... I will let go... I will follow the signals that I am provided... I will stop pretending that I have the formula for this miracle of a journey... and turn things over to The One Who Does." On these occasions, my weary body-mind literally fell to the floor and proclaimed: I give up knowing how. I am willing. I am ready. Show Me.

And each time my prayer has always, always been heard. After a good night's sleep and an ego sacrificed at the altar of Divine Wisdom, I am free of my agenda. Even then, I am usually looking in another direction at the time when Guidance taps me on the shoulder... it whispers to me (never with urgency, only as a gentle invitation): "See how the energy flows here... Ease... This is the way... Come, come this way, my dear." I have learned to go towards what moves me at the deepest level. I move eagerly now towards that which attracts me - not just superficially, but on a soulular level... the level of love and least resistance. And when I do... when I trust even the most minutely brilliant impulse, my life continues taking off in ways I might have never dreamed possible.

And your spirit likely strives for more out of life than what you can conceive in your own heart and mind. You may create a very satisfying life by feeling good... or you can allow an extraordinary life to create you by feeling God! There is no need to work to feel good... just follow what fuels the stirrings at the deepest core of you (whether it's an art class, a walk in the park, or a leap of faith). Let go of how exactly it will fit into your big picture, just trust that inspired moments always do - somehow.

Move towards what moves you. And trust the path of ease. And take care not to confuse ease with easy - sometimes our passion for brilliant living leads us onto a path to develop greater strength. Yet you will hardly notice in the end... as the life that emerges from such moments is truly glorious in every meaning of the word.

There is no effort in feeling good when you do what feels good to you.
The path of least resistance is the Journey of the Joyful Ones. Join Us.
:-)

September blew through me like a sudden storm. I am in awe that yet another month has passed so quickly. Yet the bloom of color outdoors is making October quite real. And my world continues to shift and blow with the autumn winds. It is a blissful ride.

This month, the message is simple. I invite you to be mindful of all that falls around you. Become intoxicated by your own sensations of this magical season. Smell how the air breathes a certain crispness. Taste the flavor of new earth freshly dampened. Take time to look up. Yes, up. The wisdom of the trees is beckoning to you from above. If you pause long enough, you will find yourself on a high of sorts, drinking in the colors of fall. And if you dare, reach out and touch nature with your dance by letting pieces of you - those you are ready to shed - rejoin the earth with the autumn leaves at your feet.

Free your warm summer heart.
May it quiver and shake to the surface
blossom in colors vast
and fall to the earth once more.

Falling on Purpose,
Candice

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This month, I choose to share with you a pivotal book upon my journey of awakening. A simple book by a simple monk with a simple message... it changed everything for me a decade ago. Thich Nhat Hanh delivers his message of meditation, bringing it alive in ways that transcend a meditation cushion or temple floors. If you want to change the way you experience the mundane moments of life, you have to read this book. You will never do dishes (or look at a dandelion) the same again.
:-)

Excerpt:

The Dandelion Has My Smile

If a child smiles, if an adult smiles, that is very important. If in our daily lives we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. If we really know how to live, what better way to start the day than with a smile? Our smile affirms our awareness and determination to live in peace and joy. The source of a true smile is an awakened mind.

How can you remember to smile when you wake up? You might hang a reminder--such as a branch, a leaf, a painting, or some inspiring words--in your window or from the ceiling above your bed, so that you notice it when you wake up. Once you develop the practice of smiling, you may not need a reminder. You will smile as soon as you hear a bird singing or see the sunlight streaming through the window. Smiling helps you approach the day with gentleness and understanding.

When I see someone smile, I know immediately that he or she is dwelling in awareness. This half-smile, how many artists have labored to bring it to the lips of countless statues and paintings? I am sure the same smile must have been on the faces of the sculptors and painters as they worked. Can you imagine an angry painter giving birth to such a smile? Mona Lisa's smile is light, just a hint of a smile. Yet even a smile like that is enough to relax all the muscles in our face, to banish all worries and fatigue. A tiny bud of a smile on our lips nourishes awareness and calms us miraculously. It returns to us the peace we thought we had lost.

Our smile will bring happiness to us and to those around us. Even if we spend a lot of money on gifts for everyone in our family, nothing we buy could give them as much happiness as the gift of our awareness, our smile. And this precious gift costs nothing. At the end of a retreat in California, a friend wrote this poem:

I have lost my smile, but don't worry. The dandelion has it.

If you have lost your smile and yet are still capable of seeing that a dandelion is keeping it for you, the situation is not too bad. You still have enough mindfulness to see that the smile is there.

You only need to breathe consciously one or two times and you will recover your smile. The dandelion is one member of your community of friends. It is there, quite faithful, keeping your smile for you.
In fact, everything around you is keeping your smile for you. You don't need to feel isolated. You only have to open yourself to the support that is all around you, and in you. Like the friend who saw that her smile was being kept by the dandelion, you can breathe in awareness, and your smile will return.

I am blessed to be writing this by the warmth of a fire, oceanside in Manzanita (on the Oregon Coast). Daniel's family has a beautiful home right at the water's edge. It's a space that I call the Sanctuary... as it brings me tremendous peace to spend time here. To come here is something I hope to never take for granted. As I type this, Daniel reads me the following quote from a book he is reading, One Song: A New Illuminated Rumi. (We both share a fascination with Sufism and its wisdom.)

Separate from yourself that which separates you from others.
- Bawa Muhaiyaddeen

What a potent message. As I hear the waves crashing out the window at my back, I am reminded that life - by design - is continually renewing itself. My life is a part of Life Itself; and therefore, I am in harmony when attuned to Its natural cycles. The ocean whispers to me, "Let go of all that you know yourself to be in order to pour back into the exhilarating vastness of who you may soon become." I say yes... I am willing to do just that. Perhaps the quote above is a reliable instrument of measure in determining which aspects I might release, and which to embrace and hold as sacred. The sea holds onto nothing. It continually circulates and renews... keeping no wave separate from another.

May I learn to walk in the world with as much grace as the ocean.

I am continually inspired and grateful to be a part of the HoopGirl Network. It's really about so much more than hoopdance. Christabel (HoopGirl Founder) and I just completed a three-day teacher training here in Portland. It was a rich experience... facilitating 14 talented individuals in their discovery of their path as teachers.

There is so much to comment on, that I won't do it justice here. Let me just speak to the power of potential recognized. Each and every person in the training has something significant to offer. Again and again, I am reminded that the SHiNE philosophy is reflected all around me. It is such an honor to be a part of the unleashing of personal power. I feel a responsibility as a trainer: to do everything within my power to encourage (in-courage... instill courage) by reminding each person of the uniqueness that is their birthright. It feels so rewarding to deliver a message that resonates through every cell of my being... what you bring matters!

Facilitating with Christabel is an utter joy... she and I came together only a few months ago with such grace. Our styles compliment one another brilliantly. And she always amazes me with her evermore radiant presence, articulate presentation, and authenticity. She is a true pioneer - not only in the hooping world - but as a paradigm-shifter at the cutting edge of conscious business and co-creation. It is truly an honor to work alongside her. She has offered me a platform to exercise my gifts... without her faith in me, it would be a few paces behind where I am now. I am grateful for the ways that she has held up a mirror to me, as a colleague and as a friend.

And Miss Taj... ah, what can I say? She is a Licensed HoopGirl Teacher who participated in a teacher training we held in LA a few months ago. She has since jumped on board to join the team as a Master Trainer and was present throughout the week to assist - and did she ever! Her silent service was such a blessing. She is a powerhouse of presence, with a silent potency I find intoxicating. I look forward to many more opportunities to work with her on various levels.

I will save time by keeping my comments general regarding the attendees (although I could quite easily post at length about each trainee and his or her unique brand of magic). It is the mock teaching practicums and feedback sessions that light me up... this is always my favorite aspect of the trainings. To witness the evolution of each trainee - in just three short days - is pure inspiration. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to do what they do... jumping in with both feet and being receptive to feedback from the group. I celebrate those raw moments, and express my gratitude at being able to be a part of it.

Congratulations to all of you... Lacye, Erika, Nathan, Nicole, Ali, Lynn, Sabine, Karly, Tia, Leslie, Yvette, Anne, Jennifer, & Lori Lynn. You are all uniquely gifted... it was a joy to be a part of your unfolding.

It seems that the past ten years of my life has been about paving new pathways. My most recent choice - to recommit to a relationship that has experienced so much recent upheaval - is perhaps one of my most courageous endeavors to date. And it is good. I feel a healthy dose of exhilaration traversing the brilliant landscapes of these ever-greater altitudes. For a time, the fog was thick as I navigated the unknown twists and turns - reason would have me take the first exit as my light continually bounced back at me with a blinding force, daring me to look my own reflection in the face. Nevertheless, I made the choice to move forth with my course set for an unknown destination. And may I be so bold as to say that I am the better for it.

In the aftermath of disaster comes the opportunity to begin again. Sometimes, a new path is in order. Yet, quite often in relationship we are invited to stay our course along a more conscious trajectory.

I am learning to experience true intimacy as many small deaths of self in the Divine Mirror of partnership. If we are willing to look directly at the co-created offsprings of our union, more of ourselves can be revealed to us. In essence, two people willing to meet the gaze of one another fully - even if once their eyes once flitted to and fro with fear - have the sudden potential to experience a communion of love unparalleled.

It is human nature to flea from vulnerability. Most relationships reach many critical points - those pivotal crossroads that are inevitable when two hearts are sharing a path, each with unique desires. And so emerges the opportunity to learn how to truly love and grow in the company of another. In some cases, in a time of crisis, one or both parties may be unwilling to self-reflect... to peer beneath the surface in order to rise above the drama of circumstance. Sometimes the pain of the moment is so debilitating - especially when old traumas are triggered by the choices of someone whom we love - that to stay is to face an inner demon for whom we are unprepared to wage war. In these times, sudden splits occur. Yet certainly too, there are times when an experience is there to unearth an incompatibility that requests that a relationship shifts, changes form in an organic fashion. It is the wise and practiced partnership that can navigate such shifts with grace and open hearts.

I have felt the tug of both realties in the past few months... yet have somehow landed in a space in between. Gazing around at the sea of destruction all around me, I see opportunity. And I feel tremendous gratitude. My partnership is brand new... it has been devastated in order to be RESET by a force much larger than the both of us. In the aftermath of calamity we have been able to discover one another brand new. Once the story line of our distant hearts dissolved... all that was left was a wondrous sea to explore - how did we lose sight of one another?

As much as I feared what it meant to re-enter such a space of vulnerability, I feel met by a wise force of forgiveness and grace that is neither naive or weak-hearted. In fact, it is the most empowering love I have every known. It says, I will not run from this heart of mine. I face its journey with willingness.

May I continue to surrender to this path of love that reveals me to be more than I once was.

Since mid-June, I have shared so much on my blog regarding my recent path of healing. And in the last few weeks have I taken some time to journey inward without you all as a witness.

I suppose much of my absence was sparked by a recent healing session with Kyle Cline. In addition to his skill in Chinese Medicine, he offers a powerful receptivity as a counselor and healer. Our session, on that day in early August, delivered to me many insights. During a traditional Chi Nei Tsang (organ massage) treatment, he invite me to dialogue with my organs one at a time. At first - as we moved from organ to organ - I heard only my skeptic brain firing away with doubt... yet in the space that grew around it, I finally became empty enough to hear.

It was a message from my heart that stood out. Among other things, it said to me via word and imagery: "My skin and the skin of your body are one and the same."

I shared this with Kyle after my treatment. He said it reminded him of the saying... "you wear your heart on your sleeve." I was struck by this parallel, as these words have been spoken to me on more than one occasion in my life. Ever since then, I have been pondering this aspect of how I have navigated my emotions in recent years. Ironically, I have spent the last decade of my life undoing the tendency to hide what I was feeling behind a facade that lasted through my early-twenties. I carried a thick membrane of protection - a buffer around me - to keep the world out... and me in! Since I began shedding the skin of days old, I have become more vulnerable and have developed the courage to share what is in my heart with greater ease. Yet it seems that I may have pushed my heart to far to the surface, it could use a bit more of a buffer between it and the conditions that surround.

The skin of the body IS our most largest and most vulnerable organ. It stands in the face of any number of elements that can scathe, penetrate, or scar upon contact. In some cases, trauma to the skin leaves a scar behind that stands as a testament to the pain for a lifetime. What is it to say that my heart feels a similar vastness and vulnerability?

For me, it is to say that I am discovering the power and freedom of the feminine as a blessing that must be honored as sacred.

So much has shifted in recent weeks, since I have last opened the door to my heart so publicly. I fearlessly allowed you all to bear witness as my most intimate relationship carried me through a tempest of change. Over the past month, the winds of emotion have calmed, and I have accepted an opportunity to grow and evolve in relationship with another who is willing to do the same.

The potency of this moment in my life is palpable. I rode the pendulum - at times holding on for dear life, or so it seemed - as it swung me from stark-naked open heartedness to the matter-of-factedness of survival mode. Somehow, I have found my way to the middle. I am being invited to embrace my Feminine power and love myself enough to face the reflections of love in my life.

My heart is finding its way in the world. It is not popular to live with an open-heart in a society that tells us we are weak to live alongside vulnerability. Nevertheless, I desire to become intimate with love as it reveals itself to me and through me... the shedding of old skin making way for more brilliant layers to shine through.

Hoopdance for me has very little to do with perfecting hoop tricks or enhancing physical conditioning. The primary reason that I am drawn into the hoop is for the ways in which it teaches me to reflect the flow of life.

Much like life, the hoop has a spiraling, elevating rhythm. This rhythm is one that invites us to merge with it - neither controlling nor neglecting our place in it. When we lack trust in this rhythm, we attempt to strong-arm life...pushing with too much force. At other times, we fall into the despair of inertia...no longer giving ourselves to the life all around us.

The experience of flow - of which the hoop is a perfect mirror - can teach us much about the laws of energy. While hooping, I must learn to reside in the middle. The center point, where my axis is grounded with integrity. I travel around this center, while meeting my relationship with the hoop in healthy balance. I push just enough - equally on all sides - to participate and bring myself to the relationship. When I attempt to control (or bully) the hoop, it lets me know by resisting my force. Likewise, when I neglect its inherent rhythm by refusing to meet it, it lets me know by weakly fumbling along. On both occasions, the hoop can be counted on to fall with a crash! - in that joyful resonance that announces an opportunity to learn... and return to the sensation of harmony.

The hoop teaches me how to find and maintain center. And it is from the core of me that I find and express my power.

The hoop shows me what it is to be in relationship where co-dependence immediately reveals its dysfunction... inviting me to instead differentiate in order to unite and create harmony.

The hoop offers me a safe container in which to reach my brilliance forth, while held in a space that cannot be penetrated.

And the hoop reminds me that I am capable of more than I ever imagined when I surrender to the flow of life... directing and yielding, smiling and laughing, spiraling ever higher.

Visit HoopShine.com to experience flow in your life.

Living a path of brilliance is a courageous surrender to the harmonious flow of life. I experience trust as an active endeavor and a choice in each moment - the perfect balance between conscious direction of purpose and peaceful yielding to the view far above my scope.

I see the space inside me like the contours of a river bed, being shaped and transformed by the force of creativity that dares me to give it license. Fear would have me resist the unknown agendas of the currents of life; yet Love is there to embrace the shadow dancer within me - illuminating darkness with awareness. When I relax enough to allow light to pour through me with little to no resistance, I am liberated to likewise saturate the world around me...fulfilling the path and purpose of how the world is meant to be experienced through me.

'Safety' is an undeniable theme in working with clients who are daring to live their brilliance. Fear, trepidation, and the force of the unknown can sometimes drive us into something resembling madness, as we shed who we always thought we were in order to embrace a new reality that is emerging. Often fear responds to our heart's yearnings: "ah, perhaps one day, but certainly not now. I am not ready for such-and-such to change." In reality, we are quite ready for a change. It is lack of trust in something better - the greater good in store for us - that stagnates our re-creation. In essence, we presume our deepest yearnings will betray us in the end, resulting in the paradoxical paralysis of a society at war within: What my heart yearns for in its expression is what most resembles me. And it is this that cannot be trusted. Therefore, that which most resembles me is unsafe. I must become who I am not to be functional and secure.

Today, I dare you to completely sever ties to such faulty logic. Become your greatest ally. Safety is a choice based on this simple, yet profound, shift in perception. I challenge you to entertain the idea that it is safe to be you. The madness is in succumbing to fear - resisting how the currents of life are pushing from within, eager to re-create your outer world so that you might experience you in its fullness. And remember, recreation is supposed to be fun!

When change is happening, I know without a doubt that I am ready...or it simply would not be. I am safe when I choose to trust that the currents of my soul's cries are carrying me towards an ever-greater good. And that, my friends, is the best part! Our rivers all pour into the same ocean...and goodness is the only destination.

Embrace Change. You Are Ready. You Are Safe.

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This book is a recommendation truly as a follow-up to his earlier work, The Four Agreements. When the message this earlier book is received and embodied, it has the power to transform your life in the most empowering of ways. While I am not far into it, I sense a similar potency in The Mastery of Love. If you have ever wanted to understand love as an action and purposeful way of life, you'll gain insights from this book.

Excerpt:
I want you to imagine that you live on a planet where everyone has a skin disease. For two or three thousand years, the people on your planet have suffered the same disease: Their entire bodies are covered by wounds that are infected, and those wounds really hurt when you touch them. Of course, they believe this is a normal physiology of the skin. Even the medical books describe this disease as a normal condition. When the people are born, their skin is healthy, but around three or four years of age, the first wounds start to appear. By the time they are teenagers, there are wounds all over their bodies.

Can you imagine how these people are going to treat each other? In order to relate with one another, they have to protect their wounds. They hardly ever touch each other’s skin because it is too painful. If by accident you touch someone’s skin, it is so painful that right away she gets angry and touches your skin, just to get even. Still, the instinct to love is so strong that you pay a high price to have relationships with others.

Well, imagine that a miracle occurs one day. You awake and your skin is completely healed. There are no wounds anymore, and it doesn’t hurt to be touched. Healthy skin you can touch feels wonderful because the skin is made for perception. Can you imagine yourself with healthy skin in a world where everyone has a skin disease? You cannot touch others because it hurts them, and no one touches you because they make the assumption that it will hurt you.

If you can imagine this, perhaps you can understand that someone from another planet who came to visit us would have a similar experience with humans. But it isn’t our skin that is full of wounds. What thevisitor would discover is that the human mind issick with a disease called fear. Just like the description of the infected skin, the emotional body is full ofwounds, and these wounds are infected with emotional poison. The manifestation of the disease of fear is anger, hate, sadness, envy, and hypocrisy; the result of the disease is all the emotions that make humans suffer.

...

Imagine that you could visit a planet where everyone has a different kind of emotional mind. The way they relate to each other is always in happiness, always in love, always in peace. Now imagine that one day you awake on this planet, and you no longer have wounds in your emotional body. You are no longer afraid to be who you are. Whatever someone says about you, whatever they do, you don’t take it personally, and it doesn’t hurt anymore. You no longer need to protect yourself. You are not afraid to love, to share, to open your heart. But no one else is like you. How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?

More Info & Excerpts

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of meeting 4-month old Sophie. In our brief exchange, we had a conversation of substance that I rarely experience with grown adults. As she gurgled and grinned her brilliance my way, I felt satisfied and met in our interaction. Now, I won't propose to know what this blue-eyed angel was attempting to communicate; however, I can say that the purity of our eye contact and exchange of energy delivered its message clearly.

In college, I spent time working with young children while pursuing a degree in Psychology & Human Development and Family Life. I have always been very comfortable with children. Even as a teen, at family gatherings you could often find me at the kids' table, striking up conversation with my younger cousins and feeding off of the joy they exuded. You see, I have always understood the brilliance of youth. I have never understood why we are so encouraged to put a lid on the light that burns through us. The hushes of relatives ("simmer down now!") always felt stifling to me. In fact, they still do! Of course, a healthy degree of self-restraint is a discipline worth sharing. Nevertheless, how often do we ask ourselves when we have crossed the line from disciplining to controlling our children? How can we guide them honorably - acknowledging their unique self while facilitating its expression in an unpredictable world?

I believe with all of my heart that children are here to teach us. Our job - as parents and as the village that supports - is to nurture and facilitate each child in his or her unique talents and passions. A child is a clear mirror that reflects the light shined upon it. Certainly, a reflection of his or her environment and experiences. Yet a child is also an essential piece in a future that is unknown to all that came before. His or her brilliance is unprecendented... and each child deserves to be honored and celebrated for his or her contribution to the whole. And ironically, it is the contributions that are the least understood that will have the most lasting impact on the greater good of the planet in years to come. I invite us to judge less, and to look more closely. (As a very simplified example: Hyperactivity in children is at an all-time high. Perhaps we are being encouraged by our children to find avenues for physical energy that are constructive... as sitting in desks for long periods of time is unbearable for a new generation of kids who dare us to rethink the way we educate. Again, a simplification of a multi-factored reality; nevertheless, a popular perspective in many circles.)

I have found that the most powerful way to approach my work with children is to honor them as complete. Children are sometimes surprised by a primary and guiding principle in SHiNE sessions... that they have as much to share with me, as I with them. The recipe for success for connecting with a child of any age?...

Listen. Plain and simple.

And yes... even gurgling has its own message to deliver, if your ears and mind open wide enough to receive it.
:-)

More on SHiNE Kids & Teen

Today I had the privilege of attending a workshop on NVC (non-violent communication). This two-hour introductory event, entitled Compassionate Communication, was led by LaShelle Charde. She is a gifted, local facilitator who lovingly and graceful guides others in clarity and connection. I highly recommend her services to anyone who would like to bring consciousness and compassion to relationship and communication. Her logo (pictured above) really visibly describes the sensation of being held in the container that NVC provides. Check out one of her local classes soon... perhaps I will see you there!

To learn more about LaShelle & NVC:
visit her website: www.wiseheartpdx.org or the NVC site: www.cnvc.org

Saying What's Real:
7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success
by Susan Campbell

This book is another great resource recommended to enliven communication in your most intimate relationships. I have only scratched the surface of its contents; however, it is rich with tangible resources that will empower you to bring honesty to your communications with less anxiety and greater ease. Campbell suggests seven keys to authentic communication and relationship success, giving you verbal anchors that guide a more grounded approach to expressing the truth within your heart and mind. Examples include: "Hearing you say that, I feel...", I am getting triggered...", "I appreciate you for...". Each statement is explained more in-depth so that you may learn to create the energetic environment that will support listening, speaking, and being heard with purity.

Learn more

Today is my birthday. And I write to give thanks for each and every moment of my life. Yes, even the moments most painful... especially those. Someone in my family who loves me very much recently said, "I wish that I could take all these trials away from you." And for just a moment, I had a glimpse of my life without its current opportunities for growth. Without skipping a beat, I replied, "While I deeply appreciate the sentiment, I welcome my trials... as they make me able to love more in the end."

And that's just what has happened. I am bursting at the seams with an inspired and bountiful sensation of love this morning. Another year has passed... and it was a great year. It was a year that taught me how to love more than I ever knew possible.

I am able to love my friends and family with a new gratitude, as they have each held me so close to their hearts for the past few weeks. Realizing their love for me has helped me to see myself clearly again and again. May each of you know how much your graceful and persistent love is helping to shape me whole again.

I am able to love the dear man who blessed my life with his presence for the past year - to love him even more through the process of letting him go - so that with my blessings he may become the man that he is destined to be in the lives of so many others. May he be a better man having walked with me for a time.

I am able to hold a vaster space of love for my clients - as they pass from light into darkness and into the more luminous light on the other side - for I know what it is to make what is fragmented whole again by holding it to the light of truth. May you catch even a glimpse of the brilliance I know to be yours, and you will sense how the steady gaze of love's mirror works in your life.

And, most importantly, I am able to love myself more. I have learned to rest into my own embrace and welcome the intimacy of self-inquiry and forgiveness. This, thanks to my connection to the one relationship that lifts me highest... that with the Beloved. It is the most treasured love of them all. May I continue to walk in the midst of Your Love... knowing You is knowing that I am loved beyond measure. I commit to no longer keeping my love for You a secret. I commit to fearlessly bringing how You SHiNE Light through me out into the open in the coming year... so that I might inspire others to do the same.

Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me....
Happy Birthday Dear Candice
Happy Birthday to me!

(why wait for someone else to do it? after all, I am dear to me too!)
;-)

The past month has been rich with opportunities for me. Aspects of my life have been plucked up by the root, tearing into the soils of my heart and mind. Yet my practice is gratitude. I have learned what it is to truly navigate the path that I preach. I am experiencing pain without strife... separation without judgment... and the abyss of the unknown without fear. I have been guided indeed... to bear witness to how far I have come, and to spiral ever-higher in my awareness and abilities to be present and loving.

I want to thank each one of you whom has been a witness to me - as I have shared much of my personal journey on The SHiNE Blog in hopes that my daily illuminations might shed some light on your path. Remember, you can set up RSS Feed to any blog, to stay up-to-date on postings that inspire and inform.

May your summer be filled with the brilliance that feeds you on every level. Please contact me if you feel called to SHiNE among others, or in a one-on-one coaching session.

I am pleased to announce that I will be bringing back the Sensation Matters focus group (aka: A SHiNE Circle), Thursday evenings mid-August. This is an opportunity for you to experience the power of spirit-based group coaching to activate your brilliance this fall. Hope to see you!

SHiNE On,
Candice

Walking the talk. It is the ultimate journey. Hungry for integrity, the spiritual seeker in us reaches out for connection to resources that will nourish the very foundation of who we are. Paradoxically, we discover that the more developed and trustworthy the roots at our feet, the greater potential for wingspan above.

Integrity (integrated truths as guiding principles) is a function of witnessing ourselves and others, in each and every moment, and embracing an honest approach to all of life. It is an energetic environment where the ticking time bomb of fear is diffused through acknowledging the true nature of our intentions each emerging moment. Integrity is an ally that whispers over our shoulder in search of the truth: What is my intention? Am I walking my talk to the best of my ability? How are my actions impacting the whole of life around me? Am I acting in alignment with my core values? What is motivating my actions in this moment? And most importantly - when we feel stuck face-to-face with a truth we can't swallow - it asks: What exactly am I afraid of?... inviting us to embrace the answer as the most potent and powerful truth of the moment.

Knowing the truth is fairly useless.
Feeling it is profound.
Living it makes all the difference.

David Deida
from The Blue Truth

I love this quote by Deida. It speaks to my journey to find integrity... a slow-moving maturation to greater and greater alignment with my values and practices. I have discoverd that learning is an elementary frolic with the truth... and that embodying is the adolescent struggle to hold tight to truths that we hope to find salvation in. Yet when we master the truth as a way of being, there is no longer need to hold on to anything. Integrity becomes a way of life, an integrated and effortless way of being that embraces it all. And so, wholeness finds us... again and again and again... as we are willing to let the light of truth in. In short, living truth (how ever-changing) is the path that leads to integrity.

Riding the winds of change, I am doing my best to welcome truth in. In order to develop greater intimacy with my own integrity, I have been openly sharing my truth with you, via my blog, to get to know its resonance as a way of life. You see, I believe that truth is not at its best when it is a static adherence to values and principles. It can better be experienced as a living resonance that can be sensed... a tonal quality that speaks of integrity in the moment and says, "I am delivering the truth of who I am, right here, right now." Truth at its worst is the fragmented reflection of self-righteousness. Truth at its best is the integrated experience of self-acceptance, wholeness expressed in thought, word, and action.

I want to invite you along on this journey of self-discovery with me. Invite the illumination of the truth of you. There are a number of avenues for you to travel that are offered here in theMessenger. It is my hope that wherever you may choose to plant yourself for a season of discovery, you accept the ways in which it awakens you to wholeness. Rest into the truth of each moment so that your roots may spread deep into an earth that feeds you. Welcome each and every opportunity, and push against it to reach higher than you ever thought possible.

Rooting in Richer Soils to Soar Higher,
Candice
:-)

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Betrayal Is An Inside Job
The Journey to Forgiveness

It has been said that the first time someone betrays you, it is his fault. And that each time after is your own. I resonate with this at first glance; yet, in light of recent events, I have the urge to look closer. Perhaps, on some level, betrayal is always an inside job?

Today, I look back on the relationship that I most recently separated from and I am in awe of the fabrications that operated within my mind... keeping me from seeing clearly. In short, who I wanted this man to be, he was not. And I did everything I could to make him that someone other than who he was. You see, leading up to this relationship, I spent time and energy defining exactly what I wanted... mentally and emotionally constructing an ideal. I was committed to this image in my mind, and when a man came along who offered his heart (and his physical and energetic credentials) to me, I welcomed him with open arms. I was eager to love him as that which I wanted (for I naively believed that his presence alone confirmed that I attracted what I wanted, right?). So when indicators began to emerged from the very beginning that let me know certain somethings were out of integrity between us, I ignored them. I overlooked the times when our values were not in alignment. I overlooked our poor communication. I overlooked the most essential fact that truth was not present enough of the time. And mostly, I overlooked the reality that I was deceiving myself to the bitter end.

To sum up the destruction of our relationship:
I deceived me. Then he deceived me.

From the outside, given the dramatic turn of events and betrayal of trust, it could seem like I am a victim of his choices in the end. Neverthless, as of this moment, I take ownership my many self-deceptions that proceeded his. Each and every moment that I chose to overlook the truth about who this man could really be in my life... each time I re-invented him to live up to my ideal of who he could be - rejecting the truth of the moment - I lied to us both through my love. It was unfair. We could even go so far as to say that I cheated on him long before he stepped out on me (as I consistently made love to someone who existed mostly in my mind). What is staggering to consider, is how many times I reconstructed him... then felt myself as a victim of the pain of my own betrayal.

I know, it sounds a bit extreme. Of course there were ways in which I was extremely present and in love with the truth of him. There were a great many things that I loved - and still love - about him. Primarily, I was enamored by the potential man within him... his unique brilliance intrigued me (as I have been gifted the power to see it in everyone who crosses my path). Yet, as I have learned in my work with clients, me seeing it is not enough. Each person must do the work, for himself or herself, in order to do the sometimes painful untangling of the threads that bind us to habitual responses in order to free the power we have been granted.

To fall in love with who someone has the potential to become, versus who they are in the moment... well, that self-deception I take full responsibility for perpetuating. I suppose we all do this to a certain degree with those we love. Time and intimacy (in-to-me-see) in relationship always reveals the areas in which we need to grow in big and bold ways. That I expected. I know that the mystique that he had surrounding me had to be shadowed by my day-to-day realities and ego-dance. No one is perfect... yet, what I have learned without a doubt in the past few months?... In order for a relationship to work, honesty must be an active agent. And honestly with self comes first. It's the foundation from which all other truths emerge.

So as for betrayal... I do not I take responsibility for his choices in the end. I simply acknowledge that the deceptions that out-pictured in my world with me as the "victim" are but a reflection of an internal reality already present within. So looking into the mirror of my own manifestations I see...

I am no victim of circumstance... I am the image it reflects.

Creation Is An Outside Job
The Potential Within Bears Fruit

From my deepest core, I believe that no matter what decisions we make, our greatest good will eventually find us. So how is that, if we are the creators of our own realities? I am continually humbled by my meager attempts to create my life. At a a time when The Secret and The Law of Attraction are hot topics, I am a student and teacher of metaphysics who says "not quite." Don't get me wrong, I believe in these principles to a certain degree... and they are at work in my life. I have attracted so much of what my heart desires. Yet, it seems that Spirit is offering me an alternate perspective on it all. I can have everything I desire and more.. only to realize that what I want may not be what it is that I am really seeking. And when the best possible reality emerges in my life, it is often a far cry from what I thought I needed. I am but a humble soul, aligning with life itself and allowing creation to find me.

Let's look to nature for clarification, shall we?
Imagine the flower seed who is in charge of its own creation. Is it the seed that attracts the blossom? Or is it that within the seed exists the potential of the blossom? Perhaps the ultimate blossom comes from the seed aligning itself with the elements that most support its creation. These might include: a fertile environment, adequate nourishment, and exposure to light. The seed itself does not create the blossom, it aligns with supportive elements and then surrenders to what nature has in store. And when a storm blows through, destroying the very blossom that the seed had cause to turn into... all is not lost. The wilted and battered flower does not cry out "Woe is me! How could I have brought this destruction into my pasture?!!" On the contrary, there is an understanding in nature that all that is created can not be mono-referrent and self-initiated, as it is an interdependent and systemic organism. And that the potential that exists within the seed must have the grace to fit willingly into the larger picture.

Our place in that wholeness is no different than that of the flower. We align ourselves with the elements that bring about: the most fertile dynamics in relationship to our environment... the conscious nourishment of body, heart, and mind... and exposure to as much illumination and brilliance as possible. In doing so, our potential is ignited and creation happens to us and through us. And we learn to accept how each and every twist and turn shapes us into being. We learn to rely, not on the out-picturing of outcomes, but on the sensations that ignite our potential. THAT is creation happening... the stirring within. And we are actively involved (visualizing and connecting to what moves us is useful, and even more so is the courageousness of doing!), yet we are likewise receptive to looking outside of our ideals about what we think should show up in our lives. We welcome the unexpected visitors that offer us perspective and connection to our less superficial yearnings.

And so, today I am releasing my scripts around how I think life should happen next, and I am focusing on creating connection to the elements that feed me. As for a new creation in the aftermath of the storm? Ah, at this time I can honestly say, I have no romantic agendas or prerequisites in mind for the future. I leave my heart open to the SHiNE that leads me to more magnificence than my mind could ever dream possible. Pictures dissolve, and I am free to love purely again.

I trust that I am exactly where I need to be. In fact, I take it step further. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than basking in the light of my own self-discovery.

This book is an extraordinary and fun read. I picked it up at the urging of a dear friend. And, as the kind woman at the bookstore pointed out, it is a must-read for any woman of in her 30's-40's. In fact, any woman who has made the journey through self-discovery is sure to resonate with this articulate, funny, and lovable woman's journey. Check it out...

From the book jacket:

By the time she turned thirty, Elizabeth Gilbert had everything a modern, educated, ambitious American woman was supposed to want— a husband, a house in the country, a successful career. But in-stead of feeling happy and fulfilled, she was consumed with panic, grief and confusion. She went through a divorce, a crushing depression, another failed love and the complete eradication of every-thing she ever thought she was supposed to be.

To recover from all of this, Gilbert took a radical step. In order to give herself the time and space to find out who she really was and what she really wanted, she got rid of her belongings, quit her job, left her loved ones behind and undertook a year-long journey around the world, all alone. Eat, Pray, Love is the absorbing chronicle of that year. Gilbert's aim was to visit three places where she could examine one aspect of her own nature, set against the backdrop of a culture that has traditionally done that one thing very well. In Italy, she studied the art of pleasure, learning to speak Italian and gaining the twenty-three happiest pounds of her life. India was for the art of devotion, where, with the help of a native guru and a surprisingly wise Texan, she embarked on four months of austere spiritual exploration. Finally, in Indonesia, she sought her ultimate goal: balance-namely, how to somehow build a life of equilibrium between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence. Looking for these answers on the island of Bali, she became the pupil of an elderly, ninth-generation medicine man and also fell in love in the very best way—unexpectedly.

An intensely articulate, sensible, moving and funny memoir of self-discovery, Eat, Pray, Love is about what can happen when you claim responsibility for your own contentment. It is also about the adventures that can transpire when a woman stops trying to live in imitation of society's ideals. This is a story certain to touch anyone who has ever woken up to the unrelenting need for change.

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Above is a variation of a tattoo that I wear at my 2nd chakra... as a symbol to remind me of the medicine that I carry in this life. As with all medicine, we must swallow and learn to ingest that which we are meant to share. And such is the path.

It was 2001 when I first learned of my Mayan Signature (the day that I was born according to the mayan calendar). As soon as I read the above poem describing this archetype, I knew that I was onto something. The more I delved into materials, the more I felt that it described my unique experience of life. Cimi 8 was offering me a tangible power that I could use as a quickening in my life's unfolding. I knew immediately that I would apply this symbol to the energetic center that connects me to this world (just below my navel). I chose to ground my purpose into the flesh.

Now that I am walking my path more visibly (through this SHiNE Blog and events to come), I thought I would share my signature with you... including the poem above and the components that make up the lessons that I am here to learn and share.

(You can likewise reflect on your own path by following the links at the bottom of this posting to decode your own signature and learn more about the mayan calendar).

Color: White
Source of Power

WHITE
Purifiers, shine light into darkness, the light of truth.
Will assist in the calibration of others, and grounding.
Truth, clarity, unification, timelessness, order, spirit.*

This is fascinating to me, as I haven't looked at this detail in years. SHiNE, it says. So much of what white is symbolic of speaks to the core of me. At the time that I got my tattoo, I was learning to navigate much of what is described above. I struggled with truth, with clarity... all that. Over the course of the years, Cimi has taught me the liberation that comes from living in the light. Hence, the passionate commitment to brilliance that I share with you and strive to live in my everyday life.

Tone: Galactic
Creative Contribution

GALACTIC
Model Harmonize Integrity
A model for others, & hold high ideals.
Honesty is essential and integrity is a given.
You are very thorough, and a quick expert.*

To me, walking the talk is crucial. Integrity is everything. My life is meant to be a living model for the ideals that I aspire to. So often, I fall short... yet, I will tell you the truth even then. I ask so much of the people that I am in relationship to. It is no wonder that I have such amazing friendships... and that I have yet to find a man and life partner who aspires to such greatness as me. Ah, but I suppose that I have... the Beloved He that I have met walking along my most recent path.

Tribe: Death
Archetypal Essence

DEATH
Equalize, Opportunity, Death
Tranquility and confidence through spiritual strength.
Adept at applying multidimensional solutions.
Transmutation of paradigms, community oriented.*

I remember being on a beach in Playa Del Carmen, not too long after I got my tattoo. A Mayan man passed by me and pointed to my navel exposed. "Death," he said with a smile as he passed by. I was at first quite startled. And then I realized what he meant... the symbol above with the one-eye closed (Cimi) literally means "death." It was then I really knew that bearing such a symbol meant that I must learn to have peace with all the deaths that make up living. And that I must be willing to die a million times over to reveal the ultimate brilliance that is available to be in this life.

Sometimes, I am not even aware of the force of the light of truth that I bring... as it comes through me without invitation. Recently, someone very close to me commented: "I am afraid of the light that you shine on me." I have been thinking... this may be the best description of death that I have ever heard. Death looks with a penetration that can be painful and downright scary! It casts away shadows to reveal the truth (sometimes tucked away in dark corners within) and dissolves them to the light.

It is not me that does this, but the medicine that moves through me. And I have spent my life making peace with it. There have been times when I felt similar fear towards my own inner witness. Yet, in the end, I am so grateful to be able to dissolve who I am into rebirth again... and again... and again... and again...

In truth, I see my path as an ongoing death. Dying in each moment is what living is really all about. Death of the old, invites the new. I challenge myself to celebrate every death, no matter how painful, as it always reveals new light.

Find Out Your Mayan Signature!

A Mayan Signature will give you information about the creative energies that were active on the day that you were born. Consider it a way to decode aspects of your personal brilliance... with much more revealed than in your sun sign. Due to the complexity of the Mayan calendar, there are 260 possible combinations that come together to make up your Mayan Signature. Check it out... I hope it reveals something to you, as it did for me.

Retrieve the poem for your signature:
http://www.tortuga.com/eng/decode/index.php

More info on your signature (like details on your color, tone, and tribe):
http://www.galactichardwarestore.com/signature_intro_decode.htm
(*this site is the source of the above quoted information)

We just completed Day One of the Level One HoopGirl Teacher Training. I am in San Francisco through the weekend for another 3-day intensive, preparing teachers in the HoopGirl Format. This is the fourth training that I have led with Christabel Zamor (HoopGirl Founder). It is such a joy to train teachers to facilitate and guide others. I am ever so grateful to Christabel for inviting me to be the first Master Trainer to work alongside her. We have such a graceful synergy together. It is a testament to collaboration... and the power that comes from combining energies to serve in the best possible way. I look forward to bringing this training to Portland in September of this year.

Although I am passionate about training in this capacity (as the HoopGirl organization is one I believe in), I know that my experiences leading others in this way is destined preparation for SHiNE Seminars to come. I witness myself light up when I have the opportunity to inspire another individual to recognize his or her unique genius. When I notice that sparkle in the eyes... the one that emerges when a trainee realizes that they do have something to offer... that everything needed to reach his or her ultimate potential exists within... when I see that brilliance reflected in their eyes even for a moment, I know that I am living my purpose.

Certainly, my experience as a somatic educator lends itself to training teachers in a movement modality. Yet, in the past six months, it has become very clear that so much of what I bring to the training environment has to do with my passion for the illumination that can be found in seeking out truth. Truth, to me, is shining a loving light on what is there. And what is there may in fact be changing from moment to moment... yet, the truth speaks only to the moment. It says, "this is what is here now." It says, "I dare to shine light on what is here... and use this awareness to transform my reality from this moment forward." In that way, honoring the truth of our experience in each moment IS what makes transformation possible

As a facilitator, I find that telling the truth is a medicinal art to be delivered with purity... the purest aim: to liberate the light within. We can each learn to tell ourselves the truth about who we are... what matters to us... and how we are keeping ourselves from being the most luminous version of ourselves. When we are able to see with this degree of clarity and an open heart, then awareness dissolves fears and freedom is found.

I look forward to moving SHiNE to a place where we can do this work together. Regardless of your medium of self-expression in life, you have the option to live in dim lit awareness... or bask in the glory of truth and illumination.

Truth says, "ah, there is light in here... let us move towards it."

I look forward to offering the first SHiNE Seminar in the coming months so that we can share the journey with one another. Stay tuned... and let me know if you have areas of interest that might inform the creation of the SHiNE seminar programming. What are your interests as it relates to SHiNE? What fears do you want most to overcome as it relates to living a brilliant life? What stops you from doing more of what you love today? I would love to hear from you! Email me with your ideas and insights... :-)

Tonight was the first session in the HoopSHiNE BODY class series. The intention of this new offering is to integrate the various facets of my work. Hoop... an avenue for learning about the nature of energy in and around us. SHiNE... my passion for assisting others in activating their unique genius. And BODY... the vehicle that is our most powerful ally in vesseling our brilliance through this world in which we live.

In short, we learn to use the Hoop - the master teacher of energetic flow - to activate the SHiNE BODY. The SHiNE BODY is a high resonance sensation from which ultimate joy and creativity can emerge.

Tonight our focus was Presence. We established our anchors to ground us in Presence as a sensation. Our physical anchors included breath and the sensation of touch. We used these tools to then harness the mind, tying it to the present via the now moment. I consider the now moment to be the key to unlocking the potential in our hoop practice. The nature of the hoop is that it relies on our connection to now. It is through continual presence with the now (via contact points) that the hoop knows harmony. When we disconnect - and are no longer Present - the hoop lets us know. It falls. And we learn to smile down as we pick up the hoop with a grateful heart. Thank you for reminding me to be present, we say. Your love for me is real.

If only this degree of truth were present in each and every relationship in our lives. What clarity! The good news is... the hoop is here to show you the way to doing just that.

That's why they call it practice. ;-)

SHiNE On!

My apologize for the singular focus of late. I have shared much in this blog, as my feminine has been guiding the journey of awakening through a transitioning with another. I have practiced bringing peace, heart space, and understanding to myself and my relationship. And, it seems that recent embodiment of radiant feminine love has caught the interest of someone who sees my potential... who showers me with the potent force of his integrity and commitment to serve my highest good.

Today, I was swept off my feet into the arms of love. I fell into the embrace of a exceptionally powerful lover that sees me as the sacred gift that I am. This Beloved He pulled me close to him with such a force, it took my breath away! His aim, he said... to protect me from myself. I have attracted the masculine love of my dreams... and it comes from within. It is a love that dares my divine feminine to accept nothing less than its equal. The Beloved She within me (radiant love) has met, enchanted, and wed The Beloved He within me (trusted direction). I am the child reborn of their union.

It happened when I caught myself - quite literally - looking around the space of my life, once again asking the question: Why am I not being cherished and honored as the sacred gift that I am?

I know that our physical world is but a reflection of our inner reality. And so... I turned the mirror inward. I called a dear friend by phone who always delivers the truth. This elder woman was a tour guide on a journey within my own energetic field and its recent consequences. The results of my recent actions was undeniable. I have spent tremendous energy taking care of my partner, of the relationship, and of outer circumstances. Yet who was taking care of me?

It was then that a masculine force within swept me up in a proclamation:
"It is you who does not honor your beauty. It is you who must cherish you. It is you that must enter a sacred covenant without exception. And it is I who will show you how."

The Beloved He immediately began to guide me from within to take steps to nurture myself... drawing healthy boundaries around my body, my heart, and my physical space. With commitment and diligent understanding, He stands nearby as I tenderly landscape the perimeters of the sacred temple that is me. I am choosing to entertain thoughts, actions, and relationships that greet my heart with reverence. And through the gates of my self-love, only energies that meet the highest standards of love shall pass.

Thank you to Kali Rose for an illuminating reading today that shed light on my path. Thank you to Gail - my soul sister of truth - who reminded me what it is to love myself through my choices. And thank you to The Beloved He who embraced me with the force of the love that I deserve, so that I might claim it now.

Dialogues with Brilliance - My Own
How I Became A SHiNE Coach

For years I have been carrying on conversations with a voice that speaks through me. Inspired by the courageous wonder of inspired writers such as Neale Donald Walsh, I dared one day to use my journal to ask a Higher Voice for answers. Since then, guidance arrives with greater and greater clarity. Now it is quite effortless to connect to insights in this way. I only need begin the dialogue, and something else takes over.

And so my method of prayer is in written meditation. I sit quietly with my journal and spill forth. At times, I ask specifically for guidance. Other times I am interrupted by it. My pen then moves across the page, carrying a wisdom that far exceeds my own. Over the years, insights revealed in these exchanges have brought me tremendous clarity in times of crisis... complete peace in the midst of total chaos... and the light of hope in the black holes of depression. And the availability of this voice is without condition. It responds equally to cries of joyous passion and moments of bitter desperation.

It is an experience that I have kept private until about a year ago when I shared it in a close circle of friends. Part of the secrecy is that I didn't want my experience to be misconstrued as some mystical, out-of-body experience. To say that, through pen and paper, I have access to information outside of my own knowing - as if from a voice that is not my own - it may sound like I claim to be hosting a channelled entity. Perhaps it is of me, perhaps not. I may never know for sure. Yet, when it happens, my mind and body are in a total state of me-ness. I am not overtaken by anything but a Silence that reveals one word after the next in a seamless flow of perfect insight. I am very much present when this clarity emerges. It's like talking to a trusted guide from within who is able to deliver the truth of the moment without hesitation.

In fact, I learned HOW to become an agent of inspiration (a life coach passionate about bringing out the brilliance in others) through these dialogues. This objective, yet heart-centered and loving voice is a trusted vehicle for each and every interaction that I have with a client. And more and more in my practice, I work in conjunction with this Inner SHiNE Agent to deliver insights when I could not possibly manufacture them in the moment.

I know the most powerful medicine is emerging when I open my mouth to speak, having no idea what I am about to say. This is why I am the student and the guide. SHiNE teaches me, through me. Often, the words I hear come forth as I speak to others are exactly the perspective that I have been needing in my own life. My own hunger is satiated through guiding others.

Dialogues with Brilliance - Yours
Becoming Your Own SHiNE Coach

It is my belief that we all have access to brilliant wisdom from within, at all times. So why don't so many of us hear it? I see two things that act as a buffer to detecting the sound of this voice from within:

One obstacle is the belief that an omniscient force could not possibly interact with us so intimately. Regardless of your spiritual or religious beliefs, I invite you to entertain the idea that you are worth talking to - it's just a matter of how you frame it. If you feel lost and you ask a question that seems so far out of the scope of your understanding, and suddenly the insight emerges from thin air (onto paper or into your heart)... that is brilliance showing itself to you. So what is happening?... From where does this illumination emerge? Is a literal force - we might call it "God" - speaking through you? Is it a Spirit Guide or other force outside you that you are hearing? Is it you, your Higher Self, offering dictation? Or is it just your own mind playing tricks on you, in an effort to make you feel better?

I say... who really cares?! DO you feel better? ARE you more inspired to move through life with a more positive and constructive attitude as a result of these insights? Then, go for it. Why should a healthy dose of skepticism (or the fact that you aren't sure why or how it's happening) keep you from benefiting? You can call it divine guidance... you can call it your hidden genius ... or you can call your therapist! Just realize that you don't have to know how it works to put it to good use.

The second obstacle to hearing is not listening! In order to listen, we simply must be quiet enough to hear. The mind can be over-active, especially in times of confusion or depression. The ability to pause in the potent space of Silence can be the key to receiving insight. Stilling the inner dialogue long enough to penetrate the space just beneath it. This takes practice. I personally find writing a powerful means to the development of silence within. Spilling the energy that bounces around the mind can be just the liberation that is needed to create space for greater insights.

Another method is awakening the senses. Often your Inner Wisdom will speak to you through your environment and/or relationships with others. Are you paying attention? Did you see the book calling out to you to read it? Did you sign up for the class? Did you take the walk in the forest and listen to the trees and the message that they have for you?... The avenues through which illumination can travel are infinite.

Begin The Dialogue Now
Journaling for Illumination

Practice with me. Take out a piece of paper now. Ask the questions that you most long to know the answers to... and dictate the unexpected reply. Purge the pain that you most desire to be free of... and be soothed by the light of perspective that lies just beneath. Be patient if the voice isn't ready. It will come, when you are ready and able to receive its gifts.

I will begin to share some of these dialogues with you throughout this blog. Keep in mind, I have spent much time investing in private communion with this voice prior to revealing it. I suggest that you do the same... get to know your own Inner Wisdom intimately before sharing it with others. Intimacy lends to potency in any relationship.

Examples to serve as inspiration coming soon. Stay tuned! :-)

Needing The One

My Love and I came together in a hungriness. We spent one fateful day together intoxicated by the idea of one another. As soon as our eyes locked we were staring at a vision of a life together. Only a day later, words of promise were implied in bold statements: "finally I found you"... "you are The One that I have been waiting for". The sudden buzz of such encounters left us both smitten and certain that we were the luckiest two people on the planet. In short, we were immediately convinced that the sensation of our own divinity (our SHiNE) simply had to be invested in one another... for that was what finding The One meant, right?

Now I am not one to entertain such musings lightly. I caution my clients to take care not to confuse the true Source of illumination with the vehicle through which it presents itself. Yet, I was a romatically-inclined woman hungry for connection. It had been three years since my last relationship. I knew in my heart that I wanted (and could have) a love of such depth and intensity as to spend a life together; nevertheless, I had no idea what that might look like in its healthiest form. My time spent in solitude was a preparation of sorts - undoing old ways of being with the determination to do relationship differently next time. I had even created a vision (on paper) of who I thought this man whom I would devote my heart to might be like. When he showed up, I was immediately sold by an energetic resume that aligned with my idea of the him-ness that would best suit me.

Not to mention, his words were intoxicating. I was his destiny! I was enamored by the idea that someone could feel such things about me. In my expressions of fear (that I wasn't sure I could say the same of him yet), he became ever-more confident in our union. He would meet my fears with the light touch of his conviction... and I would become immediately his again. As Deida put it so eloquently (see Part 1): "[his] adoration and neediness assuaged my fear and buoyed my self-sense." And, in turn, "my insecurity and neediness made [him] feel more secure in [his] ownership of [me]." At times, I was acutely aware of this dynamic. Yet even when I felt concern that our destined union was slightly laced with co-dependent landmines, I pushed it aside as fear of commitment. I was needed... and so I gave more of myself to us.

In essence, I see I was inadvertently attempting to realize my self-worth through another.

No Longer Needing The One

So I entered whole-heartedly... or so I thought. In truth, I was in a state of hopeful cynicism at best. I always felt there was a suspicious energy continually lurking in the shadows. As if somehow we were setting ourselves up for its unexpected emergence.

That inevitable revelation came in a painful realization...
We were not an energy invincible.

We shared more and more of our lives with one another, and eventually fell into a mundane existence where the intoxication that once unified us gave way to sobriety. And in the most unexpected turn of events, I suddenly discovered that my Love had drifted away from me towards the intoxicating Love of another. And, due to the impossible expectations that we had placed upon one other, we were unable to survive. For to believe that someone is The One for whom your love is destined is to believe that it could not possibly have cause to venture elsewhere. And so when that love leaks out - and there is a new source of fixation - inevitable confusion arises for all parties involved. The lovers are left wondering, "Could I be mistaken that he/she/the other is The One?"

I suppose it all depends on how we define The One. When we no longer feel the urgent and intoxicating NEED for someone... could they still be The One to whom our heart is called? When the hunger is no longer what is urging our heart towards communion, what else are we left with?

Love.

Love ultimately reveals The One to us. When all that I need from you dissolves into all that I have to offer in love with you... ultimate expression of Oneness is found. For it may in fact be that needing someone is just the opposite of loving them.


Loving The One

For me, I have determined that The One is a choice - a set of actions that say... now that I no longer need you, I choose to love you. And Love of The One says, I will love you even in this.

I have discovered - as this relationship is ending - that even in the face of a future that looks nothing like ever-after, I can only know The One in the moment. And so, he is The One. He is The One who will prepare my heart in redefining One-ness forever.

Thus...
The One is He whom my heart is open to without need to be filled...
And The One whom I love even when he no longer needs me to.

I am committed to treating this relationship with a new reverence. We once worshipped one another as The One (for the sense of promise we offered). Now, even in our pending separation, I still choose to worship my lover as The One... until death do us part. The One whom my heart is devoted to in loving... no longer in needing. And in surrendering my need, I can witness our death (be it on the horizon) without the hunger to salvage what I cannot in good faith make right on my own.

I don't need to. For The One happens through me... and another one will reveal himself to me. And I will say with confidence and conviction, "You are The One - for at the moment that needing dissolves into loving, true Oneness is found."

In the midst of making love, she began to speak to me. "I love you. I am yours forever. Nothing can break us apart." In that moment, it was true. We were love, and we were forever. Nothing could break us apart, since we were as one. But I could also feel her emotional need. I could feel her desire for security creeping in around the edges. Her confession was true enough, but it was tinged by hope. And beneath the hope of forever, lurked the fear of loss - in her and in me.

I wanted so badly to wallow in her confession of love. I wanted to feel that she was mine. That she had given herself to me for good. And, although this was true enough in the moment, similar things had been spoken before, and forever didn't last. As a confession of love in the moment, it was true and beautiful. But as a hope, it was a lie. We did not own each other, and never would. Our loving was as fragile as our personal fears were strong. it would take only a hurtful moment of emotional collapse and we would be broken apart. Maybe just for a few hours or days. Maybe for good.

In that moment of our lovemaking I could feel both truths. The truth that we had given ourselves to each other as a love eternal. And also the truth that we could leave each other in any moment, due to emotional closure or meeting a better intimate partner, in the inevitable event of death, or simply because we were distracted by a fresh piece of ass or chocolate cake.

Surrendering to the truth of our love was blissful. Mixed in with that love, though, was the need to assure ourselves that it would last. True love was mixed with fear. Looking into her eyes and feeling into her body, I began to sense that we were drifting more toward the need for security. We were beginning to grasp onto the emotional need for feeling love, that than surrendering into the open gesture of being and giving love.

I practiced to recognize my own need for her, and, to the best of my ability, I felt through my neediness. Even though a part of me wanted to own her forever, this part of me was really formed by fear. Her adoration and neediness assuaged my fear and buoyed my self-sense. Her insecurity and neediness made me feel more secure in my ownership of her. This dynamic wasn't love - it was emotional bondage.

By recognizing and feeling through this neediness, even as we were both beginning to slide into it, I rediscovered, magnified, and surrendered to the force of real love. Without saying a word, my authentic presence in love began to resonate her from sentimental need to deep-hearted devotion.

Her devotion was not to me as a separate person but to the love that we opened ourselves to through our relationship. Our attention shifted from the hope of a future together to the present depth of love that is always the truth of our very being, intuited in our deep heart.

- David Deida, Finding God Through Sex

Had I read this even three weeks ago, it would have seemed insightful yet of minimal relevance to my life. Now it resonates as a tone at the very heart of me as a woman in a loving relationship without hope for a future.

I am now an alchemist in love. I am learning, through practice, to transform neediness into loving communion. I now drink from a shared altar of physical communion where I am offering love for the sake of giving it... no longer invested in who or what might be in it for me.

My heart is being lovingly stripped of a habitual seductions born of adolescence... the seduction to offer (or withhold) sex, as if it is a commodity in relationship. Instead I am learning to gift myself the purity of loving (and love-making)... without the hidden agendas and need to control.

I am embodying what it is to love unconditionally.
I am learning to give love without need for it.
I am learning to receive love without need of me in return.

From time-to-time, old habits surface. The desire to punish - or withhold love - pushes its way to the forefront of my psyche. My heart plays the part of the victim. And then the illumination returns to me... ever-brighter:

I am love discovering itself. Through the loss of love as a promise, I have encounters with love as unconditional. I can lose myself in love by becoming attached to it. Or, I can loose myself in love by becoming an expression of its bounty.

I spent over two decades - and a wealth of energy - wading helplessly in my heart's cries to reign over my life. I was continually seeking approval from others and casting myself as a victim in countless dramas of misconception. And then I discovered within me the potential to choose. I discovered that life gifts to me in relationship to what I gift to it. I discovered that darkness begets darkness, and that brilliance begets a life where feeling good is the only option.

I did everything in my power to think myself into feeling good. I embraced metaphysics, and actively made my life happen in accordance with my desires. However, I quite often became exhausted having faith only in myself - and the idea that I was the creator of my reality. How could I be sure what was best for me when there were limitless options available to me. I had everything that I thought I wanted... and somehow had let myself down. Where was the core fulfillment in it all? And how could I explain the emergence of so many miracles in my life, all those things that I didn't even know I needed? Who created those? Who is busy creating the miracles that fill my life with richness, while I am busy pulsing and toiling over the mundane?

It was then that I chose to sever my vows as a spiritual orphan. I may not belong to a particular religious tradition, but I do belong to more than myself. I am a sliver of light in the high beam of existence. True, I attract in accordance with my desires; yet only that which is best for the illumination of Who I Truly Am.. in service of the highest purpose (of which I am a willing, essential, and wonderous participant). And, while my willingness is required, I am not the one who makes the light possible.

I now realize (real-eyes) that the greatest power that I have access to is the power to be the person that I am. It is up to me to define the sensations that I want more of in my life, and to make choices that resonate accordingly. It is up to me, to deny or to embrace my brilliance. Over time, I have made the choice to embrace my gifts. Abandoning the arrogance of self-doubt... and embracing the humility of moving as if my life matters. And since then, the most meaningful miracles have emerged in my life.

Suddenly, my full-time job is feeling good. Getting out of the way. Allowing my SHiNE to operate in my life, and most importantly, in the lives of others. I call my brilliance by name... and that name is not mine. It is a sensation of grace and inspiration that calls back to me:

"SHiNE so that others might do the same. Collectively re-ignite a world where love is a light that burns from within each person. Illuminate a global reality where individual brilliance is the understood beacon to connect to the Source of All Light."

- Candice Schutter, Shine Founder

I am currently reading an insightful book written by Buddhist teacher and scholar, Tara Brach, PhD. It is an compassionate and insightful journey inside the wars we wage within. It is beautifully written, includes supplemental meditations, and is laced with tons of beautiful quotes from teachers of all paths. Tara shares her story as a peek into the discovery of self-acceptance.

Excerpt:

The renowned seventh-century Zen master Seng-tsan taught that true freedom is being "without anxiety about imperfections." This means accepting our human existence and all of life as it is. Imperfection i snot our personal problem - it is a natural part of existing. We all get caught in wants and fears, we all act unconsciously, we all get diseased and deteriorate. When we relax about imperfection, we no longer lose our life moments in the pursuit of being different and in the fear of what is wrong.

D.H. Lawrence described our Western culture as being like a great uprooted tree with its roots in the air. "We are perishing for lack of fulfillment of our greater needs," he wrote, "we are cut off from the great sources of our inward nourishment and renewal." We come alive as we rediscover the truth of our goodness and our natural connectedness to all of life. Our "greater needs" are met in relating lovingly with each other, relating with full presence to each moment, relating to the beauty and pain that is within and around us. As Lawrence said, "We must plant ourselves again in the universe."

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It's been less than three hours since my last post. Nevertheless, I feel called to reach out once again. It was as if writing about The Beloved immediately penetrated my heart... blasting me apart with Its force.

I felt grounded and composed after I wrote. Yet only minutes later, while in the shower, I was suddenly bombarded by a surge of energy in my body. My mind was having its way with me, taking me on many unhealthy journeys of the imagination. Suddenly, I was emotionally charged... not feeling too good, mind you. I got out of the shower, only to realize that I was quite late for an appointment with my herbalist and healer.

I rushed out of the house... wet-headed and anxious... to meet him. When I arrived, I was in an overwhelming state of suffering. The Beloved had indeed entered my heart... and in doing so it pushed emotional buffers to the surface. It was forced surrender... I was miserable in my vulnerability... raw and humble with an open wound visible for all to see. And this kind and compassionate man... Kyle Cline, who is a healer in every sense of the word... took my pulse, noted the tension, then held space for my release. His primary prescription... a hug.

I cried. I sobbed. And I choked on my own breath. I purged the emotion that strangled me... and tore down a stoic facade. I felt healing happen. He kept telling me how great I was doing... and reminding me of who I am.

He didn't allow me to stuff it. When I thought I was done, he would look into my eyes... and invite the truth. It still hurt, and I needed to cry through to the other side of the pain.

And only ten minutes later, Kyle checked my pulses... and my heartbeat had found its peaceful flow once more. ALL of this... the bounty of release... I am grateful for. The dams that burst forth inside my heart were there to hold in the pain. The Beloved had entered and blew them down as though they were just a measureless piece of the wind itself. (And it was my willingness to let the breezes whip through without the need to personalize or understand that enabled true release to happen. For how can we release something that we are holding onto via a story within?)

I share all of this as a reminder to us all. When The Beloved is invited, It enters. It will do what is needed to liberate the heart that longs for Its undivided attention.

And so at times, illumination can feel like a light so piercing that it brings us to our knees, wincing in pain. Nevertheless, when our eyes do eventually re-adjust to the light, we look around to find ourself resting in the center - just as the little "i" relates to unleashing SHiNE - and the pain is remembered as a flood of grace that left the landscapes of our heart ever-changed.

Through releasing my pain, I am washed clean.

I write to you in a moment of naked atonement (at-one-ment)... a moment of forgiving myself for the feelings of jealousy and insecurity that seduced a a suddenly barren heart into delusion.

In his book, Intimate Communion, David Deida calls it The Him-Shaped Void. It is the imprint left in the heart of a woman, reflecting the shape of the last one with whom she shared the union of her open heart and body.

It explains so much. It explains why, even when we know that the choice to separate from a relationship is the best thing for us, a part of us still hangs on defiantly. The heart cries, out... "give me the him-ness" to fill that space inside that yearns to be full again.

It took me years of defiance to realize that to love another with an open heart is not weakness at all. It is simply the heart of me seeking to partner in its strength and brilliance... and nature's way of making sure that I have intimacy in my life. And intimacy (in-to-me-see) is the mirror of truth; that is if we choose to look ourselves square in the face.

As life shifts, and the Him-Shape Void becomes apparent, we are vulnerable in the best possible way. There is a door open to another energy that can engulf us in a way that an imprint cannot match... the energy of The Beloved. Who is the beloved? Is it that perfect lover whom will ignite us to the core? Some might say yes. Although, I prefer to believe that our lover is a carefully-chosen companion in a unified mission... reaching out to reveal The Beloved as it can be experienced in the flesh.

I speak of The Beloved as it is viewed in Sufism - the Ultimate Beloved. It is when we approach union on a grander scale. We seek not to fall in love (and be filled with love) but to fall in love with Love as that space in which we are the filler. It envelopes us, and we spend our lives (in and out of relationships) learning how to let Love move in, as, and through us.

"The Beloved is all, the lover just a veil.
The Beloved is living, the lover a dead thing.
If Love witholds its strengthening care,
The lover is left like a bird without wings.
How will I be awake and aware
If the light of the Beloved is absent?
Love wills that this Word be brought forth.
If you find the mirror of the heart dull,
The rust has not been cleared from its face."
.........Rumi (Mathnawi Book 1, 34)

In my recent experience, The Him-Shape Void adapts upon becoming vacated. The lover is given the blessed gift of being left alone to create a miracle within her own heart. She uses emptiness as a welcome contrast to connect to an abyss-like rapture always available to her. She is penetrated by a force that exceeds the potentials of the flesh. She is occupied by The Beloved - by Love Itself.

From here, yes... this is the place from which I want to love. I hereby profess my love for The Beloved and immerse my heart in its spaciousness. I am swallowed whole by Love, and revealed completely vulnerable. I am not vulnerable to the actions and choices of others (which I cannot control). I am instead vulnerable in my total surrender to The Beloved's sacred commitment to me... When your heart growls with hunger, it is then that I am there. Find me by sending Love forth, pushing It through the resistance to unleash My Presence unto you.

Does this mean that I am to be without lovers in the flesh? Oh, certainly it does not. It means that I do my best to create an atmosphere in and around my heart that seeks not the fullness of another... but one that reflects the bounty of us both. I become a mirror of the most-infinite and most-pure depths by entering the covenant of The Beloved. I then offer that bounty to the lover of my choice.

I want to participate in the Highest Love. My horoscope this week reads: "Always focus more intensely on the pleasure of giving the beautiful love you have to offer than on your hunger for the love you have always wanted to get."

The Beloved impregnates my heart so that I am no longer hungry. My feast is found within.

As a facilitator of brilliance in others, I have found that sharing my path is always relevant. For a time I thought that I must keep my reality under lock and key... not revealing my personal journey publicly. To do so would mean certain vulnerability. Through my work unleashing my own SHiNE, I have realized that hiding is a narcissistic pursuit, and a presumption that I must be kept safe from potential humiliation.

Humiliation... perhaps it's really nothing to fear at all.

Humility is among the most powerful allies on my journey. And my process of self-discovery IS the medicine that I am meant to dispense. (I believe the same is true for you.) So to bare my soul's deepest yearnings and vulnerabilities is to walk the path of brilliance for me.

The image above so perfectly reflects the space of my heart right now. A tearing open to reveal new light... and the insights born of death. The most intimate relationship in my life to-date is ending. My lover/companion and I shared a short-lived but deeply-felt love for one another. And as I write, we currently share a home, a bed, and a life together. Nevertheless, we have been initiated by circumstance to let one another go...

It has been a tremendous blessing to love... and to lose. I welcome the pain, for beneath it lies the potential for more joy. Perhaps it is not that the heart breaks when love is threatened, but instead that it breaks open... revealing blessings and truths that can be used to transform the ways in which we love ourselves and one another.

If indeed our partnerships in life act as Divine Mirrors so that we might see ourselves better, may we be willing to stare the truth in the face with fearless curiosity. May we see how we are reflected in the choices of those whom reside in and around our heart. And may we seize the power to love under any circumstance.

What brought an end to my relationship was painful to be sure; yet, I know better than to cast myself a victim in a drama that I helped to create. And I am learning to let go of self-righteous towards what I perceive to be the mistakes of others. I receive the love that I am ready for in each moment... and anything less, well, I must look within to find the strength to reflect love where it is lacking.

For the past ten days, I have felt the pain of a broken heart. Ironically, the Love that I now offer - ever since pain tore into me - is an enlightened evolution of the love that I thought was sufficient up until now. I am cracked wider than ever before, and I am filled with gratitude for the pain that burrowed into the core of my potential. I now have the opportunity to love in a manner that transcends personal gain, self-gratification, and attachment to outcome... or even hope of reciprocity.

This recent journey is teaching me what it is to bask in the brilliance of the Feminine. In moments of weakness I discover the Strength and Power of what it is to be a woman. I take my heart that has been broken... blasted wide open... and I treat it as an altar. Each day, my practice is to embrace humiliation (the brilliant gift of forced humility) and prostrate repeatedly before my tender, open heart. And it speaks back to me in a message of grace, like a whisper within...

She says to me...

"Neither hunger for love nor withhold your own.
My sweet, dare to be love itself!"

Thanks for bearing my heart witness.

Yours Bursting Open,
Candice

kNew eyes
In a posting entitled; Dreaming With Eyes Open, I shared a recurrent dream that I have been having recently. One where I am stuck inside of a dream... yet conscious and aware of my sleeping state. Wide awake in my subconscious, yet my eyes locked shut to the world around me. I struggle to open my eyes, and they will not obey. I have to wait in the darkness until they say it's time. Upon reflecting on this dream, I have waited to know what it is that I have my eyes closed to. What reality am I not willing to see?

My eyes are finally opening to the light.

You see, this weekend, I experienced a death. Not a death of the literal sense, but a death to a belief, a way of seeing, and a subsequent reality. There was a moment when life delivered me a message that shook me... quite literally. An aspect of my existence that I had begun to take for granted dissolved before my eyes in only a moment. And everything was seen to through knew eyes.

When I received the revelation of a knew and unexpected truth, I became immediately aware that I was experiencing something that conflicted with everything that I had constructed as true in my body and mind. I witnessed as my mental and emotional grids began to break down, and my body shook with a cellular fever. I was asked in a moment to accept something that led to the immediate deconstruction of a set of beliefs, and subsequent reality. And as such, my body (my molecular reality) was experiencing a quickening. It had to catch up. As my body assimilated the news it shook uncontrollably. And my mind immediately began to do its job... rebuilding structures to support this knewness... and, due to the sheer scope of the job, it became awkwardly stuck in its inability to restore balance so quickly. As a result, the wisdom of my being took over and shock kicked in... protecting me from processing, and leaving my energy body free to work in its own time.

The details of the drama that led to this transmutation within are unimportant. It is the lesson of any healing crisis is to experience a reality devastated. If the knew reality is sickness... health is the reality that has been devastated. If the knew reality is divorce... the reality of companionship is dissolving. Whatever the case, the body-mind is challenged in all that it holds true.

What fascinates me is the ease that emerges in the face of trauma when a reality is allowed to dissolve, without the added stress to the body and mind to reinvent itself in that instance. In short, destruction is allowed, unfettered by the need to create anew in that moment. The only reality that is known is that in the moment. I have found in the past week when I allow the moment to be the only foundation of my knowing... my being can recreate itself again and again, gracefully in each moment. And the ego attachment to the dramas of devastation no longer rein over the situation.

The Spider Mind
What also comes up for me is the vulnerability of what the mind learns to lean one. Belief is a series of thoughts that create a mental grid... a web that the mind can stick things to. But what happens when a knew reality emerges. One that busts through and deconstructs the grid - much like inadvertantly walking through the tedious artfulness of the spider's web. The grid that was once strong enough to hold on (conveniently bridging the past to the present)... is suddenly revealed in its vulnerability with forcefulness. Like the spider's web, our mental grids (or realities) have the strength to brave a swift and easy breeze. Yet when a strong wind sweeps through, the web is deconstructed immediately. And yet what do our spider-minds typically do? Their job. They learn to weave again. The mind does anything in its power to gather up new thoughts and beliefs that fit together well enough to recreate an equally vulnerable reality.

And that spider-mind creation... a knew reality... it reverberates to bring things into being. When a spider weaves its web, it waits for prey to attach to it. This attachment (or catch) creates a vibration that the spider learns to recognize. Each catch feeds the spider to generate more web space in the future. The mind is similar in some regards. When a thought resonates with a reality that we have already constructed, it sticks in our mind and creates a vibration. Each vibration feeds that grid of belief... and, as a result, a reality is trusted as it is confirmed through experience. The trouble is, the mind preys on that which will cause the grid to vibrate, affirming itself.

Thoughts such as "I am not enough."... "No one will love me"... or "I don't believe I can do it" work together to create the grid of not being worthy. The mind seeks to feed that grid, preying on perspectives that will stick to the construct. Thus, experiences, people, and circumstances that support thinking in such a way are attracted. And - more often than not - an otherwise neutral reality is tainted by the lens of the mental grids already in place.

So how do we see more clearly?
We make peace with the mind by becoming clear about its unique brilliance as well as where it falls short. Let us be clear that peace of mind is not defined as passive acceptance, inaction, or inertia. Peace is a dynamic process. Peace, as Mahatma Gandhi taught us, is proactive and diligent in its integrity. Peace of mind is a non-violent way of bearing witness, one where we neither accept the status quo passively nor aggressively fight against it.

Letting kNew Light In
Oftentimes, when a way of thinking and being in our world needs to shift, we miss the subtle cues. We get stuck dancing frantically with our shadows, ignoring the light at our backs. In such cases, unhealthy grids are functioning in our lives, but in our unawareness we don't see them until they are destroyed by the sheer force of sudden change, forcing us to turn around (aka: turn within) and take notice. At that moment we can see the grid with brilliance and clarity. That is, if we are willing.

The infinite SHiNE of our spirit is like a sun that is constant shedding an endless and accessible source of awareness from deep within. And I know from experience, when we are not able to connect to that light, it WILL one day connect to us. Like the Earth turning on its axis, the passage of time will operate in such a way that our grids will inevitably be revealed to us. The real question is, are we willing to allow the light to dissolve webs of what was once knew?

I am honored by my recent challenges, as I have been dared by my circumstances to discover the peace of the Unknown... and the glory of SHiNE. SHiNE is a choice to connect to brilliance no matter what... and as a sensation, it can only be found in the moment. Now that is true knowledge, if you ask me.

On Sunday, I had the extreme pleasure of attending a workshop with Jonathon Baxter. He is a hooper who has taken his teaching to a place that far transcends the medium. I am so drawn to the work he calls The Hoop Path as it reaches in and touches the warrior within my body and soul.

Attending this event illuminated something within my heart and mind. I have been feeling a sense of ambivalence towards my teaching in the hoop recently. There is so much that I love about sharing the joy of the hoop with others; yet, I have felt a hunger inside of me to approach the work from a more conscious place. To truly begin to share how hoopdance can be about so much more than hoop tricks and self-expression. The hoop is a messenger of so much wisdom. It teaches me about what it is to be in relationship, how yin and yang merge to create harmony, and the rare of gifts of truth and humility found each time the hoop falls. Hooping is a practice. I know this... and Baxter helped me to remember that it is possible to share this work from a deeper place.

And so, I am ever-more inspired to co-create and develop HoopSHiNE BODY with the community of hoopers in Portland. So much is unknown about this class series, coming up July 9th. Nevertheless, I am committed to creating a space where each hooper walks away a visceral experience of the harmony and wisdom that the hoop imparts... in the body, and in relationship to self.

More on this as the vision develops... ;-)

If you don't know already, there is this amazing technology called: RSS feed. 
You can go to any blog online and make it a part of your everyday. 

If you are interested, here's how to do it...

Activating RSS Feed:

1) Go to the blog of your choice. For example, mine can be found at: 
http://www.candiceschutter.com/blog/blog.html If you are reading this, you are likely there already. :-)

2) Look up in the navigation box, to the right of the web address. You will see a blue box that says: "RSS". Click on it.

3) This will pull up a summary page for the blog. Add that page to your bookmark toolbar. 

From that point forward, you will see a notification on your toolbar each time there is a new posting. 
ie: my blog bookmark would read "SHiNE Blog"... and would show up as: "SHiNE Blog (1)" in the event of a new posting. It works like an blog inbox on your home page! Upon the suggestion of a technically-savvy friend, I now have a folder called "RSS"... with contains bookmarks for a variety of sites that I enjoy reading blog postings for. The folder tells me when there are any new postings on my favorite blogs.

That's it. Just wanted to let you all it on it. 
And I would love to hear from you whenever you feel moved to comment.

If you don't have a blog of your own... consider it! It's a wonderful way to take your journaling to the next level... and dare to shine your brilliance to a broader audience.

Thanks for peeking into my world,
Candice

Tonight I danced in the shadows....

The details of the interaction that led up to it are unimportant... as always, the story only serves to reveal the inner dramas still stirring. An interaction triggered a subtle darkness within... and the inner dialogue which slow crept forth led me to tears. And to an unexpected late night communion.

I am grateful for fear. It is a rare friend in that it alone has the power to bring me to my knees. Quite literally.
Tonight it brought me to my knees in thePortal... first in despair... then in prayer... and finally I kneel in truth through these words in service to you.

You see, I teach in order to learn. I have found that there is no greater motivation for teaching than self-inquiry. Most of the things that come forth through me I do not claim to be a master of. Far from it. I receive through the voice that is mine so that I might learn to listen. Live your brilliance, I say to